26 MARCH 2012

Hmm where to start? Only tried two of the pillows before I dropped off, woke up about 6am local – Pusstin would be proud of me, waking up at his usual brekkie time. At this point I thought, have a look out of your window, why not? Nice patio door, small terrace and bright blue sky which was blotted out by the biggest ever private yacht I have ever seen. It's called Poseidon and puts all those Russian oligarchs to shame. Come along comrades – catch up!

I decided to have breakfast about 8am, another small mortgage required – over $20 for a very mediocre spread. Anyway, somewhat fortified I wandered off to see the marina. My Poseidon (well, it was parked or whatever, right outside my room) was not the big Daddy of them all, there were several whoppers, some nearly as big as the Celebrity Equinox, and not a speck of dirt on any of them. I later found out that one of them is supposed to belong to Steven Spielberg – I suppose that’ll be the one with the Close Encounters UFO landing pad?



 Once packed, I popped out for a spot of sun bathing as we weren’t being picked up until 11.30. Popped back in a bit smartish when I discovered that the sun was red hot and smothered myself in Australian Gold (the best sun tan lotion ever!) I sat out for about an hour and have now gone pink. Gently does it Ms F. The transfers over to the ship started off by checking in at a desk in the hotel lobby and receiving a nice shiny sticker with a number on it, to be placed strategically on my 36 double Ds. We then put our luggage at the front of the ballroom and sat down at one of the tables. That was when I realised that there were passengers for three cruise ships, not just the Equinox. Buses were loaded according to matching stickers. I didn’t know then but stickers are the order of the day on cruise excursions.

We arrived at the port and stayed on the bus whilst our luggage was unloaded. Again, we had been given pretty coloured sticky strips for our cases which should indicate which deck and cabin they were to end up in. A fond farewell was waved to changes of cheeky underwear and party frocks, and that was just the men!

I passed into an enormous booking hall where I received my Celebrity Sea Pass, which is a kind of all singing, all dancing cruise passport and credit card. At this point I began to wonder at my sanity. Should I be doing this on my own? Where do I go now? Where the hell is the nearest bar – I need wine and I need it now!!!!! 


I followed the throng, popped my Sea Pass in and out of the reader (not you, not that kind of reader, silly! ) to a resounding beep. I found myself in the bowels of the ship in front of some glass elevators (lifts to us Brits). Just as I plucked up courage to press the Up button for floor – sorry - deck 7 an announcement was made saying that our staterooms would not be ready until 4pm. It was now 2.15pm.

A small smile appeared on my face .....

As I am a speed reader, I quickly found the word "bar" on the directory of decks and set sail north (up) to Deck 14 – see I’m getting the hang of this sailing lark. It was roasting on deck but I managed to stagger up to a smiley barman and croak “Bud please”. I politely refused a glass and just as the bottle touched my lips they announced that the staterooms were now ready. Curses! I could see a wave of humanity and luggage swooping on the lifts like vultures clearing up a lion kill, so I decided to settle back and slurp my first beer of the day.

Bit gassy this beer – p’raps I did drink it a tad fast, as I was quite keen to see my stateroom. (Sounds so flashy doesn’t it?). The human tide had dissipated and I found myself at the end of a very long corridor. Well, just get moving Jilly and play it by ear, don’t look like a first-timer – “Act casual Rodney, act casual!”

In actual fact there was luggage everywhere, I wasn’t the only one travelling heavy. Something wasn’t right with the numbering of the cabins. I only realised half a mile down that they were all even numbers and mine was odd. AARGGHH! Back she goes to cross over to the other side of the ship et Voila – odd numbers, woohoo!! Now most men won’t believe this but I was able to visualise the position of my cabin at the front of the boat er ship on the left, er port side, Problem was that when I got on I never checked to see which way it was pointing so I didn’t know which side was which. Quite a reasonable excuse I would have thought?

There were my trusty holdalls bulging with the contents of all four of my home wardrobes. I dragged them inside an inch at a time into my veranda stateroom. Pictures have been taken of how it looked before I unpacked. It looks nothing like that now.

 First impressions? It felt a little bit small for such a large amount of money. Thank God for divorce so I didn’t have to share it with anyone!

The veranda was a last minute present to myself, where I am now sat watching the white horses scudding past, well, more frisky little ponies really. The Equinox is so big that you have no sense of movement at all.

I have been given a table reservation for dinner so I have no idea who I’ll be dining with. Luckily it’s smart casual dining so not a lot of tarting up required. There are only two fancy nights, on the at sea days. If I am with a boring bunch I will try to change my dining time to 6.00 tomorrow and see if the early eaters are more entertaining.

I am a bit gutted to find that my pre-booked speedboat trip at Cancun has been cancelled so I have had to book another trip. I have decided to go and see some Mayan ruins at Tulum and then have a couple of hours and lunch on a beach with white sand, palm trees and azure seas lapping onto shore. Sounds awful, I know.

I have also invested in 100 minutes of internet time so that I can keep in touch with my readers! I am so proud to have found the Internet Cafe all by myself. I haven’t tried to connect yet as I thought I’d finish this first. We had a muster station practice before setting sail, everybody had a full complement except our bunch at muster station A5. We had about eight missing, all of whom were named and shamed! How embarrassing! Mind you I was sat out on my balcony and couldn’t hear any of the announcements, so perhaps that’s where they were – well not on my personal balcony ......

My butler is called Paul and he has a stammer, bless him. He seems to be a very nice chap, as do all the crew (and chapesses). There are quite a few Brits working on the ship too – it’s nice to hear English voices. I can’t get used to this idea of 24 hours of food. There were people eating hot dogs, smothered in cheese and loads of fries from the minute they came aboard. I didn’t even bother having any lunch, just so I could squeeze in a tiny pud tonight!.

Well we have a whole day at sea tomorrow and then it’s that arty farty party dress night. You can tell I’m looking forward to it!