06 APRIL 2012

This is it, the end of my diary.

Got up about 7am as I had to be at the meeting point by 8.15, so plenty of time for brekkie. Looking outside I saw that we had already docked and there appeared to be some people off the ship already.

I reread the instructions and decided to get to the meeting point by 8am. Once there I sat with a few others waiting patiently, book at the ready. I do find reading to be a calming influence when travelling what with delays, boring fellow passengers etc. Saw Ginny briefly and said Goodbye again. She was good fun.

It seemed most of us were in the wrong place as we had not collected our nice shiny stickers for the journey home. Once my left DD boob was firmly labeled Pink 8 (it was pink but not an 8), I was ready to dash off to the shops at Sawgrass Mills.

Not so quick Ms F. !!

We were herded down the gangway to the outside and then --- left to our own devices. There were no welcoming white crosses on a navy blue background – Celebrity tours? Not a soul in sight. Hmmm not so good.

Eventually the intrepid single traveler decided to leg it, cases and all (two large holdalls – wheeled, one carry on – wheeled, balanced precariously on the top of one of the holdalls - wheeled, and a handbag – not wheeled, although heavy enough to need some) and do a bit of independent research. I got to the end of the line of buses and lo and behold – there is my matching sticker attached to an air conditioned coach. The driver stowed my two holdalls and said my stripey carry on could go in the overhead rack – not in a million years, my son – have you felt the weight of this?

An hour and a half later and we're still waiting for the last two stragglers who have fallen foul of US immigration. Not a difficult thing to do, when all is said and done. Finally they turned up, leaving us with a reduced shopping time at Sawgrass Mills.

Luckily our cases were stowed away in the coach and we were able to leave our hand luggage in the bus and off we trotted around the mall.

Sawgrass Mills is immense, especially when you only have two hours and the driver wasn’t going to wait a second beyond the rendezvous time. I was on a mission to find some new jeans as my favourite old soft, comfie ones had finally waved a weary flag at me during the horse riding and are close to expiring. I also wanted to by some new thongs – aka flip flops! Teva to be precise, THE most comfortable flip flops on the planet.

Being an experienced Mall Trekker I found a plan of the mall and sorted out a strategy within a couple of minutes.

Jeans? Check!

Flip flops? – 5 pairs, Check!

Something to eat and drink for lunch on the coach? Check!

Time to get back on the coach – 10 minutes, er, distance to run, er four phases of shops – oops better run!

Got there with a couple of minutes to spare and then the driver waited a further 10 minutes for stragglers. Oh, come on!

As a result, the driver felt justified in driving like Ayrton Senna all the way to Fort Lauderdale Airport, despite large amounts of rainwater cascading down from big angry clouds.

The cloudburst really started as we dropped off the hapless airline passengers a good 100 yards from any cover. Poor devils, soaked to the skin.

Next to run the gauntlet of the weather and the by now fired-up driver, were those passengers returning to the ferry port for a back to back cruise – whatever that is. One woman on the bus reckoned she and her husband had been on seventeen cruises in the last year! Blimey, get a life!

Well it was now coming down in stair rods and one lady had gone a very funny colour, turns out she wasn’t a good sailor – glad she wasn’t sat next to me on the way home.

We arrived at Miami Airport and Ayrton deposited us about half a mile from the BA check in desk. I wouldn’t have minded so much if he hadn’t actually asked which airline we were flying with. Once again, cases precariously balanced – I have now got this sussed for future trips – I staggered along to BA check in.

Now, being a frequent traveler, I do like to be organized and check in online if possible. However – not possible – due to being part of a group booking. As a result I am stood at the end of a queue of people, bear in mind this is a 747-400, loads of passengers, and I’m looking to upgrade or at the very least get an aisle seat. Hah!!

No way Jose….

Also, there are four people checking in First Class and Business Class and us poor b*****s in Cattle have one very harassed check-in clerk. There must be 100 people in front of me and to be honest, I wasn’t even sure that we would be checked in before the flight left. After all, there was still Miami Airport’s wondrous security to pass through as well.

Finally after about an hour, more staff arrived and I was at the desk – an upgrade would cost $300 – rip off! – and it would be a seat in the middle of four – no thanks. In economy the only aisle seat was in the penultimate row, which I took.

Security was the usual nightmare – like boot camp. Little uniformed Hitlers ordering you around. No pleases, thank yous or smiles and also the indignity of going into the new scanner which reveals all! I suppose it was a bad idea to wear a T-shirt with chains on and metal stars and also a wired bra? It all kind of prolonged the ordeal.

At the gate I met up with some of the cruise people, Anne, Eileen and their friends which helped to pass the time. The flight was late leaving, due to late arrival and we took off about half an hour behind schedule.

Say what you like about BA, I have always found them to be polite, accommodating and professional, you’ll hear no complaints from me so far.

The senior flight attendant managed to move me up to Business Class for landing so that I would be able to leave the aircraft first and dash off for my coach back home. I had 40 minutes to get to the coach stop outside the Arrivals hall.

Off I dashed, straight to Passport Control – there was an enormous queue but, nil desperandum, off I went to the IRIS machine and went through like a dream, no passport required. I can’t believe they are abandoning this system! On down to baggage claim, grabbed a trolley – free here – rest of the world, please note!

Whoah! Guess whose luggage was probably last off ?

Yup!

I ran through to the customs hall and out into the arrivals hall, sliding under the strap barrier like a limbo dancer. This should be an Olympic Sport – dashed through the double doors and spotted my coach at the very end of the line, its engine already running and the door closed. I banged on the door and the driver kindly opened up and let me in – I had one minute to spare.

The tale ends happily as Jilly is reunited with her daughter Wendy and Wendy’s partner Nick and later on, Debbie, my eldest and granddaughter Ayla.

All’s well that ends well …..

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To sum up the trip – I’ve quite enjoyed the variety of the different stopovers. I wasn’t sure for the first couple of days about the whole cruise thing. It does grow on you though. I would have liked a little less Saga but if you go for a younger clientele, you then have a lot of children on the boat. I like children but couldn’t eat a whole one! Seriously, the lack of little people has contributed towards the restful feel of the ship.

The ship is absolutely stunning, so clean and looks like new. The crew are amazingly attentive and very polite, perhaps they’ve been hypnotised? Whoever designed this ship has done a great job. I found after wandering around like a lost soul on the first day, that I could get to most places quite easily. I haven’t bothered playing croquet on the lawn, nor have I used the spa as it is phenomenally expensive. Paying extra for the balcony was well worth it.

The whole Celebrity cruise is a well oiled machine. They have chosen their staff well and they should be proud of them. They do, however need to cater a little more for the single traveller. Not all are as resilient or as happy with their own company as I am.

Hygiene was paramount. We had sanitising gel at the entrance to every eating establishment and also when coming back on board after a trip. I didn’t hear of anybody with Delhi Belly.

I have to mention the utter luxury of returning to the quayside to board the ship after a trip. First of all, Celebrity erect a couple of large gazebos to offer shade to their weary customers. Then they offer you an iced towel so you can feel refreshed and cool off, followed by an ice cold cup of water or juice. They even have a few cane settees and cushions under the gazebo for you to rest in before reboarding.

Now compare this with Carnival – no I can’t, there is no comparison. It’s like comparing Circus Circus in Vegas to the Bellagio.

There are plenty of comfortable places on board where you can find solitude if you want it. There is also a full programme of events going on, if you choose to partake. As with most holidays, they are what you choose to make them. I’m not keen on the formal nights, the food is no better on these occasions. The drinks are expensive all the time and have a 15% gratuity added as a matter of course but I’m pleased I didn’t waste my money on a drinks package. As I thought, being off the ship for six days out of ten, you are not around to get your money’s worth unless you are a complete lush like the old guy with his Zimmer at the bar every night. He sinks a good half dozen or more Absolut vodkas on the rocks and then relies on his Zimmer’s memory to get him back to his cabin! Oh yes, he also eats peanuts and then detaches his false teeth from his gums and sorts out all those annoying little pieces of leftover nut. I found myself watching, fascinated at the way he never actually spat his teeth out, defying the laws of gravity.

By the way, as if you hadn’t guessed, some names have been changed to protect the innocent!

Kisses

Jilly / Mummy