CAPTAIN SLOG STARDATE 67.13

A few problems last night ....

About 8.30, three loudmouths and a crate of beer moved into the room next door. Think it's Spring Break, when all the little college tossers and totties join together in an annual mating migration to Florida..... and three of the little t*** were next to me.

Yeah, I know I went to bed early due my lack of sleep the night before, it was only 9.45.

But .... I did not want to hear how much they wished to ravage the three girls coming to their room later (translated from the Anglo Saxon verb to fornicate under charter of the king). Nor did I wish to hear war whoops. Luckily they then went out and I must have dropped off.

At 1am I was rudely awoken by one of the said tossers banging on the door of the room next door. It appears that Eric -a sad name if ever there was one - had either stayed in the room and collapsed due to excess alcohol, or that he had ended up unlucky and returned on his own. Either way, he appeared to have thrown the dead bolt and his two mates couldn't get in. They shouted to him, charged at the door and then resorted to cursing him. At this point I think I had a sense of humour bypass and told them to eff off.

To no avail......

An hour later there was much whooping and laughter as Eric The Tosser spotted them from the balcony and declared to the world just how funny it had all been. Oh yeah, really funny Eric.

I called Security. 

HOW FUNNY IS IT NOW THEN ERIC...

This morning I complained again and found out they were staying tonight as well. I also found out that if they upset me enough to cause me to call Security three times, they and their belongings would be sleeping on the beach. 

How very tempting .....  l'm putting it on speed dial.

Anyhow, moving on.

I somehow managed to slam the door on the way out, going down to breakfast. Oops sorry Eric and you with a nasty hangover.

During breakfast I spotted Mrs Botox trying to get her bloated desensitised lips around her breakfast. Not a pretty sight, I can tell you.

After yet more ponyburgers I decided to go out on the bus or trolley bus, whichever arrived at the bus stop first. It was the bus, so I was off to Galleria for a spot more shopping. A good choice as it turned out because you pay when you get on, exact change only. The driver didn't let me pay and mumbled something about later.

When we got there he just smiled and said that if we didn't have the change it would be free because his dollar machine was broken. Strange how a whole busload of people can have no change at all .....

Only spent an hour there and then caught the trolley bus back - that was only 50cents -bargain!

Back in the room, I collected a cold beer, and beach accessories. I was off to the ocean which is a mere 100 yards away. I splashed out on a sunbed and parasol and was given a spot right in the front line, nothing between me and the breakers.

Believe it or not I was a human of two halves, the legs were toasty in the sun, but the top half was chilly due to a strong breeze blowing along the beachfront. I stayed about three hours.

As a mother and Nanny, I shouldn't say this but I was highly amused by the little boy next to me , maybe 8 years old. He went off for a swim, and he was a good little swimmer. There was a wail when he came out 'Mommy, I can't see, I'm blind!' Seawater in the eyes can do this I'm told... Out he staggers, arms stretched out in front, like Stevie Wonder. Straight into the parasol pole, bounced off and fell down the five foot deep hole he and his sister had dug earlier! The tears cured the blindness, God works in mysterious ways.

Back at the hotel by the pool, I decided to have a pot roast sandwich and a greyhound for lunch. I have been working my way through the cocktail menu and spotted a Salty Dog. I requested one without the salt around the rim of the glass - a Greyhound ( voddie and grapefruit - been drinking them for ages but never knew they were called that!)

I am now quite full and still have half a rack of ribs in the fridge. Maybe a beer will help...

Tomorrow I join my cruise ship, leaving here at 11am, if not arrested for the willful murder of Eric.