Another six hour journey and we arrived at our hotel.
As we were on a budget we had booked in to a cheap hotel and it was awful. Full of scum bags. As we were tired from the journey and had already paid for the night we stayed and looked for a better hotel the next day.
I got my tablet out to check for emails and noticed a big chunk had come off one of the corners.
I had loaned it to Jonnie while we were having breakfast at Korat as I had to run off to the loo, and reckoned he must have dropped it.
Thing is though, I have known him for years and know he would have told me if he had.
I had not dropped it so therefore that left only him.....so he was going to get the blame.
I had a nice protective case for it, but it was a little bulky in my man bag so hardly ever used it. I had a lovely scratch on it from sticking it in the safe in Koh Samui and now it was all smashed up.
Cheers Jonnie I told him as we compared how crap our rooms were.
Eh?
Thanks for smashing the tablet and not telling me i told him.
As this website is edited I am unable to tell you his exact response, but it did contain a few swear words around the fact that if he had damaged it he would have told me.
So who broke it then, the tooth fairy?
We had a bit of a lovers tiff and then did not speak to each other as we looked for a bar.
We went for a few beers and I attempted to recall the events of the day and then suddenly remembered my man bag had fallen from a table and hit the floor and that as per usual I had not bothered to use the protective case.
It explained the chip on the corner, Jonnie was indeed innocent.
I left it for a while to apologise.
Next day we found a better place and decided this was the start of our holiday proper. No more crazy sweaty days travelling for hours on end, no more s*** hotels, no more quiet rubbish places, this was the start, we were going to party like the old days, like it was 1999!
We had five nights left in Pattaya and went out for a big night out that was long over due.
After we had something to eat I walked off the pavement to cross the street and bang!
I had gone over on my ankle but really badly.
I did not realise how bad until I looked down and saw what looked like a tennis ball sticking out of my ankle.
For that to have happened within seconds I was convinced the bone had gone through and the sight of it sent me in to shock.
My head started to spin and I thought I was going to pass out.
A girl from one of the shops asked if I was OK and as she looked down, even she was shocked.
Hospital she shouted, but Jonnie was already one step ahead and had stopped a cab.
I was really nauseous as they put me in the wheelchair.
We tried to make light of it as Jonnie pushed me in to A&E. It was like little Britain in reverse.
I kept looking down and then questioned how it was physically possible for my ankle to have gone that shape. I was convinced it was broken and thought that was the end of my travels there and then. There was no way I could fly to Indonesia in three days. I could not even stand up.
They took me in to x ray and then after as the doctor saw me I saw the x ray out of the corner of my eye.
I felt like I was on X factor and was waiting for the vote.....is it, isnt it???
Does it hurt he asked as he prodded it.
He looked over to the x ray and I drummed up the courage to look.
My bones looked as if they were in the right place.
I wished I had paid more attention in biology.
He looked for what seemed an eternity then looked again, then looked closely, then looked again.
Not broken!
Phew, what a relief.
He told me to come back after a few days for a check up and gave me a prescription.
That was the god news.
The bad news was I really could not walk at all.
We got a taxi straight back to the hotel, but had a beer first to celebrate.
Tell you what though, forget getting a dog to get girls to speak to you, just get an accident.
Mike Somerset you cunning man this is all just a strategy isnt it?
I was the centre of attention. All the girls were coming over and asked what happened as I hobbled in.
However that was more or less the end of our holiday as we knew it.
Next day I took my pills and they made me as high as a kite, more so when I had a beer.
We googled it and it said that it was a dangerous combination and that a side effect was hallucination.
Sod that I thought so decided to leave the tablets but ended up asleep all day.
I felt so guilty leaving Jonnie on his own but he seemed to manage to amuse himself.
He had been bitten on the finger by something and said it hurt like hell.

Next day I felt better so hopped out but Jonnie started to go a bit funny saying he was losing movement in his hands and his knee was agony.
What a pair of old farts I thought as we both hobbled back to the hotel.
Next day I shouted Jonnie as he was usually up early. He told me to come in and he was just sat on the bed with his pants around his ankles. Not a pretty sight.
I cant move my fingers he said now looking really worried.
Whatever he had was now getting bad and affecting his nervous system, so now we had to get him to hospital.
I much as I loved him I told him I was not putting his pants on for him, so either find a way or I would just have him shot and tell his mum it was a traffic accident or something.
About two hours later and with his pants half on we got him to the doctor just about.

Neither of us could walk.

He was given more tablets than a dealer would carry on a saturday night and was told absolutely, categorically no alcohol.
What a party we were having so far we thought.
Turns out also that on our next day which was our last day was Bhudda day, so all the bars closed all day. What luck we were having. Not that it mattered to Jonnie as he was on his medication, but I was off mine. We remembered we had some beer in the fridge in the room so for our last night we sat on Jonnies bed watching some ridiculous sci fi horror movie like an old couple with Jonnie watching me drink all his beer.
If I was caring and considerate I would have had the beer in my own room. But this was payback for scarring my memory of the vision of him with his pants round his ankles that day. He was so red from the sun he looked like Dr Zoidberg off Futerama.

So our lucky touch by the Monk was more of a Vodoo one, and our famous last words of how lucky we had been, were indeed famous last words.

Jonnie made a slight recovery for his trip back as I waved him off at the airport. As I picked up my rucksack to get to the airport I was in agony. If I took a cab I would get stuck in traffic and miss my flight. If I took the skytrain it meant lots of walking.
So lots of walking it was and boy did it nearly kill me.
Anyhow I survived to tell the tale, but probably put my ankle back by about two weeks.

Oh well, no stopping now.

Next stop for me...........Bali