Port Lincoln.
This was our second trip to Port Lincoln for our family thingy. Our plan was to book a fishing trip for the hunter gatherers, visit Coffin Bay, and the Sand Dunes at the National Park.

Stop 1 Fishing:
We sent the hunter gatherers, comprising adult male 1, adult male 2, young adult male 3 or child 1 and child 3), out to their fishing trip with much anticipation. We clearly explained to them that they had to bring home the fish else we would have nothing to eat. They departed early with a huge esky and promised us that they will be home in time for lunch. The remaining women and children stayed behind to keep the home fires burning and catch up on some critical Netflix viewing. We intermittently discussed the various types of fish we would receive; we imagined the esky filled to the brim with kingfish, snapper, ocean trout, even a massive tuna.

We waited and waited. Lunch time came and went, and we did not hear from them. No text messages, no pictures and certainly no fish for lunch. Finally, my very bewildered sister managed to contact adult male 2, her husband and queried him regarding the lack of fish or pictures of fish and asked if they had any plans to return home. The conversation was conducted in Port-Harcourt flavoured pidgin English, and I tried to eavesdrop without eavesdropping

“Wetin hold una, una don catch the fish finish?” (what the … is keeping you guys? Are you guys done yet?)

“I no fit hold the fishing rod (I could not hold the fishing rod)”

“You wetin???!! Wetin be you fit hold the fishing rod (You what?!!What do you mean?)”

I dey sick o!! (I was too seasick to do anything)”

“Did the other people catch anything?”

In true brotherly solidarity he responded, “I don’t know”.

“You don’t know?! No be the same boat una dey? (Aren’t all of you on the same boat?)….”

The hunter gatherers finally arrived home to a rousing reception from the rest of the tribe. They had conquered the seas against all odds.
We sang and danced and welcomed them.

They handed a Woolworths cooler bag to me, and I opened it to find the highly anticipated fish, 5 of them. Yep, our four able bodied hunter gatherers came home with five fish. We opened the esky, it was empty.

Then interrogations began, unfortunately for us, they had already banded together and decided that what happened on the boat stays on the boat. They gave us weird and wonderful answers to our questions and we got nowhere:

“What happened?”
“How many fish did each of you catch?”
“It doesn’t matter who caught what”
“All sick? All of you?”
“No, not really sick just a little nauseous and you don’t understand, seasickness is a horrible feeling!!!”
“How can a Kalabari man from the Niger Delta get seasick?”
“I don’t know, it has never happened to me before!”
“I was just feeding the fish in the ocean, they kept eating my bait and escaping!!”
“Emmanuel caught 3 fish I think, David caught a big one.”
“What about the rest of you, how many did each person catch?”
“We caught some fish too. Besides, it wasn’t just about the fish, it was an adventure!”
“How many?”
Silence……
“What actually happened on that boat?”
Silence……

We decided to abandon the cross examination and just cook the fish.
I was the designated chef on the day, I love cooking but on this occasion I felt like I had drawn the short straw.I did not know how to cook five small fish for 9 hungry people with leftovers for tomorrow, I will need to think fast or perform a miracle akin to Jesus feeding the 5 thousand with 2 fish” I thought. I finally decided to make stew and fill them up with rice.

Finally the fish was cut, cleaned and nicely simmering in tomatoes stew when young adult/child one asked me if that was all the fish they caught. I said yes. He did not believe me.
“Check the fridge mum!”, he shouted. “Is that all the fish we came back with? There was a big one! What happened to the VERY big one I caught?!!!” He started counting the pieces of fish in the pot.
(I have heard that the male species tend to exaggerate the size of fish they catch but I have never witnessed it. It was fascinating to watch). I gently explained that ‘all’ the fish they caught fit into the pan I was cooking with. He looked so deflated I had to hastily add that fresh fish ALWAYS shrank when cooked but was always very delicious. He perked up after that.

Considering how much time and expense they invested in that fishing trip, I can confirm that this was the most expensive fish I have ever had the pleasure of cooking.

Stop 2 Sand dunes at the National Park.
After the fishing expedition, we decided to stick to dry ground for a while and had a day trip to the sand dunes. The idea was to climb to the top of the dunes, and slide down the dune from a great height on some narrow board while keeping the tiny particles of sand from locating and settling into the various the natural orifices on your body. Apparently, it is fun, I took a rain check on that one.

Stop 3 Almonta Beach, Coffin Bay. The crystal clear water, white sand and the whole beach to ourselves for most of the time we were there. Another beautiful place in our backyard, Covid free and just for the price of petrol and park entrance fee.

We are back home, and the usual routine.
We solved some first, second and third world problems during the long drive to and from Port Lincoln. We had deep philosophical discussions and some members of the family determined that the reason behind King Solomon’s depressive tone in the Book of Ecclesiastes was the fact he did not have access to an iPad or Xbox one. Apparently, an Xbox one gives better satisfaction than 1000 wives/concubines.

We had our challenges in 2021, we laughed, we cried but at the end we have chosen not to fear 2022 but to embrace life with gratitude. We have God and each other and that is more than enough for me.