Phrases:

India

'One Minute' - The term an Indian person uses to expain how long you have to wait for something...usually 10 times longer!

'Monkeys slap Dogs' - Apparently this does happen in India...You Tube it!

'Fu**ing India!' - At all times of stress in India- used a lot!

'Mind the sh*t' - Cow poo / rubbish everywhere!

'Anything is possible in India' - An Indian's excuse whenever something ridiculously weird / awful is happening

'Paneer Belly' - our name for Indian men over the age of 30 who all seem to have massive bellys from eating far too many dairy products in their food

Lessons learnt:

India

Don't ever book a seat at the back of an Indian bus - they do not have suspension!

If everyone suddenly moves across the train tracks to another platform despite no announcement, there is a good chance your train is now arriving on another platform (best to take the overpass though)

Don't book the side-berth on a sleeper-class train in India - they are far more cramped than the other berths!

Don't go to Chandi Chowk Market in India...like ever!

Always put your waterproof cover on your backpack when travelling around and on transport - it helps to keep it clean and deters people from snooping around inside

Always have the following in your hand luggage for ease of access:

- Hand sanitiser

- Head torch

- Flip-flops

- Medicaton

- Jumper

- Guide book

- Toilet roll

- Snacks and water for long journeys

Always make sure your rickshaw driver understands where you want to go before agreeing to take you...they will try and rip you off for more money for their mistake otherwise!

At internet cafes always check that the comuter has anti-virus software and a decent keyboard - leanrt this one the hard way!

Cheap beach-huts on the beach have cockroaches!! Unless you pay good money, get something just off the beach...preferably made of concrete!

If you see a suitable gift for someone just buy it there and then...you'll only regret it later when you have to buy absolute tat for people's Christmas presents...sorry family!

Take some small token gifts from your own country to hand out to people, which they often request

Steal whole toilet rolls from public toilets when you can...who wants to pay for toilet roll?! (Same applies to mosquito plug-ins from hotel rooms!)

Nepal

Always order your dinner when you arrive at a teahouse whilst trekking otherwise you will wait an age for it to be served to you

Always specify that you want your tea first before your meal, as they will often serve it all at the same time, and by that point you will be parched

Always bring a pack of cards on treks for evening entertainment and bring your own cereal if you want to save money on the extortionate breakfast prices!

Shower as soon as you get to a tea-house on treks, as the hot water will get used quickly and the cold outside temperatures will make the idea of a shower terrifying

Bring music for long treks

Remember to take your alcohol with you on overnight trips, rather than buying for 3 times the price from local villagers