The Banks Peninsula has much to offer the visitor, despite looking like a hernia stuck onto the south east of Christchurch. That much of the massive now completely dormant volcano is covered in sepia coloured grass, starved of water by the hot summer, does not deter visitors to this genuinely idyllic place, within an easy two hour drive of Christchurch. The seared hillsides, patterned with regenerating native bush, provide a backdrop to pretty inlets with sparkling water that is reminiscent of the Greek Islands in July. Scorching heat does not deter locals who, with relaxation of sorts in mind, head in droves for not only the faintly Mediterranean sounding main town of Akaroa but seemingly off the beaten track spots in search of coves with sea and sand. Every four wheel drive is fitted with that most useful of accessories, a towhook. This is simply because New Zealanders have a love affair with caravans, boats and trailers. In the forefront of many visitors' minds is water, not for parching thirsty throats but for all sorts of sea related activities. To follow such vehicles would be a sure way to end up in a fun place.

The temptation to immerse oneself in the still coolish waters of the sea is also not something we are able to resist for long, and upon arrival at Akaroa check in at the wharf for our swim with the dolphin experience. With much stretching and pulling we don wetsuits and are given the pre-trip talk which builds up expectations of an experience not to be missed. Our guide explains, 'let the dolphins come to you, keep in a group in the water, don't swim round the other side of the boat where you can't be seen, and don't swim near the propellers. If you need to come out of the water for any reason, just put up your hand with a clenched fist and we'll haul you out. You can go back in again at any time'. We got all of that as heads nod in understanding. Now let's go look for the dolphins.

The first sighting is a few minutes into the trip, but while they look playful, arcing out of the water and darting under the boat in seeming excitement at the prospect of our company, they change their minds and manage to communicate their unwillingness to share human company to the guide. She announces that we'll move on, and that sometimes they are very unpredictable. A second sighting in the bay gets everyone's anticipation in top gear again, but again the pod doesn't want us around, happy to occupy themselves today. This doesn't happen very often, the guide explains, but they are wild creatures and have a mind of their own. We'll keep on looking, so the skipper takes the boat at full pelt around the bay looking for success. Nice scenery, but no more dolphins. A partial refund is looking likely and we end up having paid lots of dollars for a boat trip the memorable experience of which was divided between stunning views and being sewn up in a tight sweaty wetsuit which remained dry for two hours. One or two of the visitors are visibly upset, hanging their heads in their hands…..no refund will ever console them if you have had your heart set on swimming with the dolphins.

At first glance there is a far more certain way to get an Akaroa experience, that is visiting Josie Martin's grand villa Linton and sculpture garden overlooking the bay. This grand old house, a former bank manager's built in the times when both the size of Akaroa town and business overdrafts were growing, is more readily known as 'The Giant's House' after a little girl looking up from the valley below made the comparison. A visit to this garden 'WORLD FAMOUS' as the sign proclaims is not dependent on the whims of wild animals, but might be dependent on the weather forecast. You will have a great visit if you can be sure to get there during listed opening hours, or more correctly when Ms Martin decides it will be open.

By way of a diversion from an account of our visit, we are beginning to note the New Zealand trader's ability to be relaxed about opening and closing hours. Visitors be aware, that because the sign says open and closed at such and such a time, this is no guarantee that it will be anything of the sort, the unwritten implication of signs being that the times are approximate only.

In Gisborne, in need of a haircut, I had driven past a small barber's shop not quite in the centre of town, and had my eye on this establishment as a place that would be quiet and quick for a number three. His sign told everyone that he did not cut any hair before 10am and none after 3pm. He also did not want your business between 1 and 2pm. After careful planning of my day, I arrived outside the shop at 2pm thinking that indeed here was my chance to get the necessity done, to give him some business and that there would not be an unduly long queue. After all, the sign said 'OPEN'. On testing the door, it was locked, the man with scissors and mirror in his hand and customers reading magazines being absent without explanation. He had however, presumably aware of the necessity to cut as much hair as he could during his short opening times, placed another sign on the floor, saying 'BACK SOON'. He never showed up again that afternoon.

In fact, it is not just those traders skilled at making you look better that close early, but there are businesses whose job it is to make you feel better that follow this pattern. The Desmond Road medical practice that Lesley worked at in October and November in Gisborne could not be guaranteed to be open much after 5.15pm, despite the sign saying open to 6pm.

So when we looked on TripAdvisor about previous visitor's experiences of 'The Giant's House', reports about the garden were highly praiseworthy in many visitor's eyes : 'Best of Down Under' and 'Just Like Gaudi But More Intimate'. All apart from one disgruntled gentleman who 'arrived at 16.05 and was told it was closed, the sign says closed at 17.00'. Ms Martin, who from time to time can be seen in her garden wearing a bright red hat and matching blue scarf, posted her reply "Thanks for your feedback. I was away yesterday and did instruct my staff to close early due to slightly inclement weather and being quite in the garden". (Presumably she was not quite in the garden as she was away but that the garden was quiet). The Smarts arrive long before closing time to see this unique garden which displays the mildly eccentric Ms Martin's sculpture ability in creating colourful designs from broken porcelain. The intimate bit escaped us, even with a little imagination, and not being all that arty we need to look up Wikipedia to find out who Gaudi was.

Later, on our journey back north to Cheviot, we stop off for our dinner. Mindful of chefs becoming unenthusiastic about cooking food after 9pm and the unpredictability of early evening eating we drop into a bar/diner at 8.15pm to be told that they are not serving food any more as they are quiet. So it is not just barbers and sculptors that like to spend as little of their time at work as they can, chefs can join this growing band who value their leisure time. We cross the road to a Chinese restaurant who advertise open to 10pm and indeed they are, so we do not go hungry!

The inability to keep to time extends to New Zealand's railways. Tempted by a railway journey, we decide to be day trippers, revisiting Kaikoura from Cheviot. Upon booking the tickets, we are advised to be at Mina Station which looks as if time has passed it by, 20 minutes early. The train arrives 8 minutes early with the immensely helpful guide/guard exclaiming that it is good that we are here on time. The girl warns those passengers alighting in Kaikoura and wishing to take the return train to be '20 minutes early'. As it turned out, the train was 15 minutes late. It probably did not bother most folk on the train, as they are there on holiday and time does not really matter..........