Diving School Dropouts.....Koh Tao

So it turned out that scuba diving wasn't for us. In fact, by the afternoon of day one we were sitting on the beach with a beer having left the course!!

Having spent 24 hours on two trains, three tuk-tuks, a taxi, a van (which looked more suited to carrying cattle), a pick-up truck and the choppiest boat ride we've ever been on, we finally made it from Chiang Mai in the north to Koh Tao, our first stop of six islands in the south.

Sandwiched in the middle of our mammoth journey we had a 12 hour stop over in Bangkok. After 15 hours on a train and knowing we were not to be arriving at our next accommodation for another 27 hours, we braved the showers at Hualalomphong station. While I was freshening up, Lodge managed to make friends with tattood face Dave, find out his life story and was invited to be an honorary member of Hell's Angels. Lucky I take so long to get ready! She was having a lovely time and at least now if we ever find ourselves in trouble, she has premission to say that the Hell's Angels are watching her back...phew.

First stop in Bangkok was Starbucks (I've been having major Bucks withdrawal symptoms) and then we made our way to the Grand Palace - there goes the night train effect again sending us to temples. It was so hot today (Wednesday 26th) and even through the smog you could feel the strength of the sun. We were going to attempt to find a river taxi and get on that to the Grand Palace but were advised by a guy who worked in the State Tower hotel - or at least told us he did - that we should visit this other rarely open temple first. So we find ourselves a tuk-tuk take us there.

When we got there we weren't entirely convinced it was a real temple..more like someone's living room with an over the top collection of statues inside - the three dogs in the corner having a threesome sort of confirmed our suspicions so after a polite chat with the guide who taught us about Feng Shui we left supposedly for the Grand Palace.

However, Mr tuk-tuk decided we looked like a couple of rich girls who could affrod diamonds and he took us to his Mum's diamond shop instead. We quicly abandoned him and fund a reliable, albeit googly-eyed taxi driver to take us where we actually wanted to go.

Upon arrival at the Grand Palace we were again inappropriately dressed (if shorts and t-shirt at a temple isn't appropriate, surely y-fronts on a train is?) and we were ushered in to hire some more respectable garments. Thankfully I had my cardy in my bag so I just had to hire a sarong, Lodge on the other hand had to borrow a shirt as well which made her look like a child wearing her Dad's shirt on the top half and a little old Thai lady on the bottom. Not that we were alone in looking stupid.

Normally churches aren't our thing, especially when it is 30 degrees outside and approximately 4.2 million other people have decided to visit the place on the same day but we had time to kill so we sweated our way through the crowds and had a look around. We attempted to take some serious pictures of the beautiful palace buildings and statues but inevitably, a chinese tourist got in the shot every time so we decided instead to imitate the poses of the statues - highly amusing ourselves in the process.

Almost overheating in our borrowed clothes, we left the palace and headed for a bar in Kohsan Road where we met an alcoholic Thai lady who had lost her significantly more English and significantly younger boyfriend...cue weird person number two's life story for the day.

We had some food, a wander (got lost) and decided to get in a tuk-tuk to the train station. Of all the tuk-tuks in Bangkok we managed to get Sam, who it seemed only learnt to drive that day which coupled with an hours journey through the rush hour on Bangkok was quite an experience. What we've noticed about Thailand (apart from the fact it's socially acceptable to pluck your nose hair in public) is that all the shops selling the same things tend to be located in the same street so as we made our way to the train station we went through shoe shop street, furniture street and oversized gold Buddah street - all whilst choking to death on exhaust fumes. Inexperienced Sam wasn't quite as pushy as some of the other drivers and so upon reaching the train station, we were in the third lane away from the pavement, however Sam considered this a safe place to dismount and sent us on our way to dodge through the traffic.

There was just time for a quick plate of egg fried rice which came with a little bowl of watery stuff - we weren't sure if this was sauce or handwash so we put it on our rice anyway - it tasted lovely whatever it was!

Back on the train we had a pretty uneventful time as far as past experiences on night trains go. We arrived in Champong at 4:30am, heaved our bags on our bags and climbed out of the train straight onto the tracks - as you do - and checked in for the boat. Our transport to the pier was a van more suited to transporting cattle but it did the job and we got on the boat for a two hour journey to Koh Tao, the roughest ride of our lives.

We arrived in Koh Tao on Thursday morning and wre staying at the Coral Grand Divers Resort, a five star resort right on the beach...only we were staying in the dive school accommodation which was more like a garage with two beds in it and a shower which was like washing under a cold garden hose but it did the job. After two nights on a train without a bed or a shower we were extatic to finally be clean and have a lie down.

Thursday afternoon we started our diving course, a four day PADI scuba course which when we told everyone that we were doing, they laughed at us. We wanted to prove thwem wrong but we failed miserably. First afternoon we were issued with textbooks, watched two DVDs and were given homework which we dutifully completed like good girls, even coming home from a night out in preparation for our first day at school.

We met John our instructor and our class mates, two girls from Iceland who we liked to call Kerry and Coleen, not because this was their names but after Kerry Katona and Coleen Nolan from the Iceland adverts. We set off to be fitted for our wetsuits, fins, masks and snorkel, BCT, regulators and oxygen tank. Our kit bags were beginning to resemble the weight of our backpacks and having fallen over at the train station dead-ant style the previous day, I tentatively carried it towards the pool. All assembled in our gear, we got in the shallow end of the pool and from then on it all went wrong for Lodge. Breathing underwater wasn't really for her - I'm not sure what was panicking her more..the underwaterness or the fact that we had to get up for a 6:15am dive on the Sunday...being that the next days plan was a 20 metre sea dive, she decided that she couldn't go on.

I lasted a little longer making it all the way to the deep end of the pool - all of 2.5 metres! But then things started to go a bit pear-shaped in my diving career too...my ears wouldn't equalize which was painful but bearable, but this was only at 2.5 metres which didn't bode well for 20 metres. John, the instructor void of compassion, was as concerned about my ear problems as he was about Lodge's inability to breathe and so after much underwater signalling at eachother (including a v-sign which I don't think was in the textbook) I surfaced, had a small fight with him and also left the course. So by lunch break on our first day at school, we'd been expelled and found solace at the bar instead! One of the first rules about dive school is that divers always go with and stick with their buddy - the only buddies me and Lodge are cut out to be are drinking buddies!!

We spent the rest of our time in Koh Tao chilling on the beach which was much more our style, the beach was lovely with crystal clear water and postcard-esque views. It was on the beach where we met Johan who sold corn on the cob, peeling them and cooking them right there in front of you. They were amazing. As well as Johan (this is not his actually name as you probably gathered by now, we give names to everyone we meet regardless of what their actual name is) there was his Dad - who actually wasn't his Dad - who we liked to call Billy Ray Cyrus - for no particular reason - who also sold sweetcorn on the beach, they were just adorable.

Also to keep us entertained on the beach were the dogs, we weren't entirely sure whether they were stay or not but they were all over the island (we liked to call them all partner although they weren't a patch on the real partner) and they loved to play fetch with stones in the sea or invite themselves to play frisby with whoever was playing. They'd also follow us to our room and lay out on the balcony, cute.

After a day at the beach, we spent our eveings in Koh Tao also on the beach at one of the beach front bars with bean bags in the sand, BBQs and fire throwing shows. It was a real chill out atmosphere despite being bitten to death and attracting weird Russian guys. And talking of weird guys, that leads us to our next stop, Koh Samui, where we had been for approximately 2 hours before we met one as weird as they come...