Right then,

Firstly, I should probably apologise for my rather sporadic approach to writing e-mails recently - but then, I've heard nothing from some of you so go f*** your mother.

I do hope you are all full of the joys of the Christmas season, and are doing such quality things as buying presents, opening advent calanders, attending church services, and to a lesser extent singing christmas carols.

I am having to put up with white beaches and palm trees, 40 degree heat and really cheap whiskey (two quid a bottle). It's a f***er I know.

Currently not eating. In the words of eminent British Comedian Mike Strutter, "It's always nice to take a piss after a meal - just not when it comes out of your f***ing ass!" Feeling effects of dodgy food... but still, I'd rather be here.

So the other day I was crossing this waterfall by walking across this fallen tree (as you do) when I noticed a spider's web. I looked up at this point, which was good because I was about to walk into a f***ing huge spider, as big as my hand, that was black and bright yellow. Now, I'm no David Attenborough (or even a Bill Oddie, Mickalea Strackahn or that bald guy from The Really Wild Show), but to me bright yellow means posion. The f***ing thing was suspended accross the f***ing makeshift bridge just waiting for me - at FACE height... I very nearly jumped into the river. Or fell. But all's well that ends well.

We're on Kho Pan Ngan now, just got off the night boat at 7AM. Walked down to the beach to find a beach rave still going on. Fun though such things are, when you've been travelling for 24 hours by boat, taxi, minibus, taxi, truck, and boat, and you smell, you aren't really in the mood for E'd up English guys who don't know when to go to bed doing 'big box, little box'.

We'll be here probably until after new year, as it seems to be the place of choice. Then it's back to Bangkok to enjoy the new Lord of the Rings film in a cinema (they're showing it in bars already but it's just not the same), and into Cambodia and Vietnam.

Life's still pretty good, everything is sweet.

I do wish all of you a merry christmas, and a more than happy new year.

In a bit.

Mike

p.s. Went to Malasia the other day - 200 MArlboro Lights for a fiver!! And they were European ones, not the filthy Thai ones that are made in Indonesia. Mmmmmmmmmmmm smoking.

p.p.s Met three Dutch "Adventure Scouts" in their late twenties/early thirties... made fun of them and suggested that they might be kiddie fiddlers.