The Algerians

On the last day in Rome, I had some decisions to make. Katie, Kristen and Andy were off to Salzburg to meet up with Katie's boyfriend and do the Sound Of Music tour. I had never seen the Sound Of Music, and wasn't in a hurry to go on a tour. Plus, I didn't want to cramp their style. True, we were all getting on really well, but I was aware of the fact I was tagging along. I didn't fancy the idea of going back to meet Karim and Polly either. Although individually they were both wonderful people - Karim was kind of like a brother, and Polly was the kind of girl you want all your mates to go out with - so you can chat to her and borrow things off her. But together, they were kind of sickening. Perhaps it was my single status, or perhaps it was just my good taste. Either way, their frequent public displays of affection meant I spent most of my time with them shouting "Get a room! For the love of God, won't you get a room!!?"

So that left me with a few options. I liked the idea of getting out on my own for a few days - experiencing the whole lone traveller thing. And what with my Interrail ticket, there was nowhere I couldn't go. The only problem was deciding. I was going to be meeting Karim in a week and we were going to be going to Eastern Europe, so I couldn't really be arsed to go in that direction. North was a wasteland of places like Germany - best avoided. South was, er, Africa, and west was the way I had come from.

Suddenly having the world as my oyster didn't seem quite as impressive. Sod it, I thought - I was going to go and see Vinny.

Vinny was working in France, and had been for the last five or so months. A holiday rep at a camp site in Brittany. I didn't really know where Brittany was, but assumed it would be the west coast somewhere. Which was about 1000KM away. No problem.

Andy, Kristen and Katie left Rome at about 6 in the evening, and my train left at 11. It was full, and I found myself chatting to a French girl and a Kiwi girl. It was really very pleasant. The French girl was only seventeen, but spoke three languages. I taught her just about the only thing I can teach any of these kids - how to swear well in English. After half an hour of 'Cool... as... f***', the Kiwi turned up and joined in. She was older, working on a ferry boat docked in Cannes.

After another hour though, these two left. Then the carriage started emptying out. By about 1 in the morning there was only me in the whole thing. Then three lads got on, and sat a few chairs in front of me.

After about another half hour, one of them turned round and started talking to me. In French of course. I explained I was English, which seemed to be the funniest thing ever. "Bethen", he said with raised eyebrows.

"What?" I asked.

"Bethen. Bethen. Bethen. Football! Bethen!"

"Oh, Beckham! Yes. Er. Very good"

"You like football?"

"Yeah" - I had already found that if you said 'not really', then people just didn't understand. I was English after all.

"Algerian" he said, pointing to the football shirt he was wearing.

"Mmm", I said. It would have to do. I should probably point out at this point that the conversation continued in a mixture of French, English and hand signals. I knew more French than he knew English, which was a first for me, but for those that know how good my French isn't, the communication problem should explain itself.

"Avez-vous un billet?"

"What? Do I have a ticket? Er.... yeah".

"I don't have a ticket".

"Life's a b****".

"Can I see your ticket?"

"Why do you want to see my ticket?"

"Can I see your ticket?"

"Why?"

"Can I see your ticket?"

I showed the guy my ticket. This was not the stupid idea it sounded like. My ticket had cost me €1.50, with my Interrail ticket. While I was searching for my ticket, I had the perfect opportunity to stash my Interrail ticket and other valuables into the relative safety of my trouser waistband. If they got to my trouser waistband, I was going to be in too much trouble to care about a few credit cards and a passport. If you take my meaning.

The guy looked at my ticket, and unfortunately noticed the price on it. He asked me why I had got it so cheap.

"My lucky day", I said. "Girl at the ticket office fancied me - I took her out actually. Wine, good food, we took in a movie".

He laughed like a simpleton, despite obviously not understanding me. His teeth were yellow.

"You have money?"

"Nope".

"You have English money?"

"Wish I did mate. Have you seen the way I dress, or the company I keep?"

I looked around. One of his mates was in the other carriage, and the one that was left had turned in his seat showing sudden interest. There was nobody else in the entire carriage. b******s.

"You give me money", he said, standing up.

"Er.... no".

"You give me money", he took a step forward. He wasn't wearing any shoes. It's surprising the things you notice.

"Mate I'm not even nearly going to give you any money. I don't have any to give, but even if I did you wouldn't get it". Not strictly true, but the fact I happened to be stupid enough to be carrying €350 in cash wasn't something I wanted to share.

"I have no money". He stepped forward, maybe two rows from me now. I stood up, stepping out into the corridor. I had a picture in my head of waking up in hospital. I actually smiled at the thought - it would be my travelling story.

"Listen", I said, stepping forward. "I'm not going to give you any of my f***ing money".

I was taller than the guy by at least six inches, and bigger. I stepped forward again, just in case he hadn't noticed this. We stood like that for a good minute. One of those, seemed-like-an-hour kind of things. He reached into his pocket. My fists clenched, and I made sure he noticed. I was completely and totally s***ting myself.

Then he burst out laughing, and produced a packet of cigarettes. He offered me one, which I took, and within a couple of minutes we were back to "Bethen".

"Yeah mate. Tres f***ing bien".

Suffice to say, I didn't get a great deal of sleep. When my Algerian friends had finally nodded off, I moved into the next carriage where there were a load of people. True, all of them were asleep and therefore probably wouldn't be very handy in a scrap, but safety un numbers and all that.

I got a couple of hours sleep with my sleeping bag pulled up to my neck, and all my valuables (and quite a few non-valuables) keeping my feet warm.