Allow, if you will, a moment to be low. For just today, please no words of 'cheer up' or even 'suck it up' because I'm at a point mentally where I'm tired … tired of not knowing what the day holds, tired of meeting new people, and tired of always having to adjust to the unfamiliar. Please don't get me wrong; I love exploring, making new friends, and getting out of stuffy routines … but, today, 7 weeks into this crazy adventure, I'm ready for a slice of HOME! I seek familiar routines, treasured friends, and 'my' things.

You never know what you want crave for or cling to when it comes to defining 'home' until you are faced with not having it. I'm not even sure if one's home comforts can be truly itemized. Let me clarify. When I started packing for this second teacher exchange, I remembered the things I brought to London the first time. Back then, I was allowed to bring 2 large suitcases, which I stuffed to the brink of bursting, but I also shipped over $600 of cargo boxes. It was everything I had thought I would need to give me stability and a sense of home. The usual - favorite clothing and shoes, books, camera, Canadian paraphernalia, etc. More personalized items - my set of special travel books, family photos, a Fitter Plus exercise board (because I broke my foot weeks prior so I wanted to work on building it up), etc. Come to think of it now, I'm not even sure what was in all those 6 boxes! In any case, at the end of the year, I found I didn't even touch half of what I packed. Surprisingly, I was satisfied with a generic travel guide that I purchased in the UK instead of my moronic insistence that I had to hold my own special copy or else I'd feel unsettled. On the last day, my unused exercise board ended up being tossed in the trash because I didn't want to pay to bring it back home again. What was I thinking?!?

However, in going through that, I DID discover what things were invaluable to me in order to survive the homesickness, so this time around, I instantly packed those in my Australia suitcases. But, I was wrong … again! Today, I'm beginning to realize that I'm older, married … different. I really didn't need my teddy bear or camera flash. Instead, I miss hanging out with friends for a movie night, going to my parents for Sunday lunch, sitting in furniture that was purchased to address our 'big'ness, snuggling up in my favorite sweatshirt, accessing chiro / PT / massage benefits, and devouring sushi! (For John, he has been missing his team of specialists who knows his physical / medical needs, and the thought of hurting himself without their services nearby horrifies him.)

The things that formed my sense of home have definitely changed. I'm stuck again with items that are collecting dust and will be trashed at the end of this year. (Luckily, not $600 worth of stupid cargo!)

I'm tired.

I want to be in MY space. I want MY things. I want MY pillow, MY AVX theatre, MY desk drawer ordered in MY system, MY computer, blah blah blah blah. Can you relate?

We are adjusting. We will adjust.

But we're tired of constantly swimming upswim, against the flow of what we believed to be 'normal'.

Humans are creatures of comfort and creatures of habit. You would think that it would be easy to adjust our schedule to small town life! When we first arrived on a Friday, our neighbors warned us that shops will be closed on the weekend. Since it was a long weekend, we thought nothing of it and almost expected it. We continued with our routine throughout the week, building up a list of things to pick up on our usual Saturday shop. A pair of new sandals. Clear mac tac for my student nametags. Blah blah blah. When the Saturday sun popped up, we had a lovely breakfast of bennies and OJ and leisurely prepared to head out. At 1.30pm, we drove to Sally Ann and shouted a hooray when we found an empty parking spot right in front of their door! We cheered a second time when we discovered that it was free parking after 12pm, according to the parking signs! I happily skipped to the front doors but was only met with a red closed sign and a dark interior. Trading hours. 9am to 1pm Saturday. Hmm. Disappointing. No matter, I thought. We will head to our second planned stop for some new sandals.

But, like a thunderbolt, it struck me suddenly. I wouldn't be able to finish anything on my list! EVERY store was going to be closed; Parking was free after 12pm because nothing would be open! No cafes. No restaurants. No banks. Just groceries. Swiftly, a second bolt of lightning coursed through me … Wangaratta stores close at 5pm during the week!!! Wait a minute!! The school dismissal bell rang at 3.30pm. With some after school cleaning and preparing for the next day, I hadn't been getting out of there until 5.30pm. Just when was I going to shop!?!

To try to adjust, I ran out of school at 4pm today. John and I rushed to Sally Ann, pleased to know that we would have at least an hour before they closed. But, the stars didn't align when we arrived. A handwritten sign boldly stated that they were going to close early … in 5 minutes to be precise, a clerk said to us. ARGHGHGH! But, she cheerfully reassured us that they would reopen tomorrow from 9am to 1pm. BUT I'M AT WORK UNTIL 3.3Opm!!?!

It seems trivial to be complaining about store hours. Or wanting some ketchup chips. Or missing our van. It's not that. We knew that by accepting this position in a rural city, we would face new challenges. But it's the combination of it all! The mounting expenses to fix our junker. My student who screamed that she hated school (and it's only been 3 days!) The humid, hot evenings with relentless flies.

I'm tired, and I'm not adjusting well.

John continues to cross off our TO DO list one by one. I'm so very thankful that he hadn't started working yet! I'm so very thankful for dinners and a clean kitchen when I get home. I'm thankful for an amazing, supportive staff who make me laugh and who graciously step up to help when I just don't get it. I am thankful for being in a safe country. (John was so eager to show me the 3 wild kangaroos he was able to videotape this week on one of his morning drives.) Yes, we are thankful.

But, we're tired too.

I think I will ask hubby if he would give me a foot rub.

Weekend's coming up! Maybe a drive into country. Hmm.