I couldn't really have asked for any more from Luang Prabang. It was exactly what I needed after the Vang Vieng s***fest. Laos people wonder why people even bother going there. I wonder too. I spent 4 days in Luang Prabang and I am inclined to say that it's my favourite city in Asia or at least in the top 3. On my 2nd day, I took a mountain biking and kayaking tour which was incredible but also made me realize how unfit I am. Being extremely childish, I insisted on riding through all of the muddy puddles as fast as I could. We rode to a waterfall where we swam and had lunch and then kayaked down the Nam Khan at a lazy pace. I had dinner with a couple of girls I met on the trip and then got a massage which was good cos I couldn't move. The next day was spent wandering around aimlessly (I do this quite a lot you will notice) from café to café punctuated by nap times. Sandi and I met up with 2 couples that were staying at the same guesthouse and went for a Lao bbq which was an interesting experience. Have a look. http://images.google.com.vn/imgres?imgurl=http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2329/2364395541_34394d6b2a.jpg%3Fv%3D0&imgrefurl=http://flickr.com/photos/samideluxe/2364395541/&h=333&w=500&sz=164&hl=en&start=2&usg=__2Pa5AqJ2f-CPyAwi-9w3yoMfBP8=&tbnid=CpFhyHH4_yLkkM:&tbnh=87&tbnw=130&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dlaos%2Bbbq%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3DenMine didn't look like that. It looked like slush with bits of beef in it. I bought a couple more pieces from the night market before going to a wine bar and sinking a bottle of red on the main street. There was a power cut which scared the s*** out of me as a security guard had wished us goodnight only 30 seconds ago. It had just turned midnight. I thought it was the curfew. But it wasn't. My only slightly negative experience from Luang Prabang came super early on my last day. I had decided that I would get up and see the monk procession. Hazy from the night before, I stumbled out at 5.30am, arrived with my camera and Russell Brand hair, sat on the pavement and took a few shots of the monks and then lollopped across the other side of town to get some more pictures. I bumped into some old women on the street who thrust baskets into my hands. I shrugged my shoulders and took a basket, unaware that I was about to get shafted. I was pushed onto the side of the road and given a demonstration of how to give the glut of rice and crackers to the monks. They have these gold urn things around their necks. I really had no idea what I was doing. I'm not a Buddhist, Some of the monks looked more bemused than I did. The women, despite my protests, kept piling stuff into my basket. This went on for a while and when finished, I had given 5 baskets of food away. I was, of course, bombarded with demands for cash. It wasn't even 7am and I had already spent a tenner. Serves me right really. I was pissed off but cheered up when I watched the England v Croatia highlights. Back of the net. Later on, Sandi and I headed up to a temple and minced around town, trying to keep in the shade. Being typically disorganized, I hadn't packed my bag so was a little rushed in between picking up my visa and ticket, an making my way to the bus station on a f***ing retarded tuk tuk. The decision to take a bus to Vietnam rather than fly was based on the notion that it would be more of a cultural experience. Twenty minutes into the journey, I was wondering what the f*** I was thinking. The seat gave me no room to move and cramp began to set in. I toyed with the idea of taking some of the valium that I had in my bag but was paranoid of not waking up if there was an accident, which seemed highly probable given the state of the bus and the road that we were on, not to mention that the driver probably learnt his trade my going round Luang Prabang stadium 4 times. I would probably lie in the middle of the road, in a pool of claret, surrounded by water buffalo and only the Daily mail would report my death, saying that I was part of the ever growing trend of mixed race kids addicted to sleeping tablets. So I didn't take any valium. I just looked at it. I had only bought it as a last resort. You can buy it over the counter. You can also buy opium from tuk tuk drivers. What the f*** is that about? I had been told by the travel agent that we would be stopping for dinner. We did no such thing. We stopped on the side of the road to take a piss and at midnight, we stopped at some stall where a woman, aged about 112, was selling fruit that had been plucked 3 years ago. f*** knows what she was doing in the mountains at midnight selling rotten fruit. So we didn't stop for any real food. I fell asleep at some point and woke up at 7ish at the Vietnamese border. In just under 12 hours, we had traveled about 100 miles. Good going. This immigration effort was interesting to say the least. It was pretty much some men in army fatigues with stamps for your passport. They didn't speak English. I don't know why I thought they would speak French. That didn't get me anywhere.An hour at the border wondering what was going on, I got back on the bus. Some middle aged guy who kept talking to me in Vietnamese offered me some cucumber. I said no thank you but he insisted and then proceeded to grab my genitalia. The rest of the journey was quite funny and I suppose you could call it an 'authentic' experience. One guy, about my age or a bit younger kept trying to talk to me, along with the cucumber fellow. They managed to understand that I was making my way to Hanoi, as was the younger bloke so they told me what to do. In Vietnamese and Laos. Or they might have been telling me I was a cock. We stopped at some food joint at the side of the road where the toilet was a wall at the back with a hole in it. There was no menu. There was no food on display. They spoke Vietnamese and I responded in English. Neither of us understood. I went to the kitchen and pointed to some rice. They brought out a s*** load with veggies and tofu and pork and what might have been liver. I ate some of it. It wasn't great. They gave me beer. I get the feeling that they were taking the piss a bit as everyone else had very basic bowls of soup. I think they just wanted to get as much cash out of me as possible. I was their entertainment for the day. One old lady kept shouting and laughing at me. I'm a funny guy. I passed the time trying to make conversation and gesturing with my passport and drivers license. I don't know if they had any idea what I was talking about. I tried to ask them how long it would take to get to Hanoi. I had no idea. All the people on the bus suddenly wanted to talk to me. I got to Vinh and got off the bus with the younger guy and onto another bus to Hanoi. All the people waved goodbye to me. It was sad. On the new bus, the ticket guy asked me where I was from . I told him Manchester cos in all likelihood, he wouldn't know where Carnforth is. I feel sorry for anyone who does. He hi 5 ed me. I thought about telling him that I'm not a United supporter and that in fact if there is any team I'd like to see crash and burn, it would be them (shocking performance against Liverpool btw, Liverpool fully deserved to win) but I didn't. Another guy asked me where I had got my bracelets from (I quite like silver jewelry) and looked at my passport. He said I have been to too many countries. He told me that he had been to Qatar. Why he was in Qatar I do not know. Hanoi was a bolt from the blue and couldn't be any different to Luang Prabang. I got there at 9pm ish. It hit me like a line of coke pissed on my Russell brand and cut by Little Richard. Or what I imagine that to be like. I don't know where all these drug references are coming from. Perhaps it's from working in rehab where everything is compared to narcotics. I got on a motorbike and weaved through the traffic. If you haven't experienced it before, it's f***ing scary. I quite like it now. If I don't have white knuckles then it was a s*** ride. I'm seriously thinking of buying a motorbike when I get home. But I probably wouldn't be able to ride it Asian style. I couldn't find anywhere for dinner so settled on a brownie and an apple shake. Good times. Shower. Bed. The next day, I got up quite early and talked the streets of Hanoi. I don't know what I expected but I didn't expect this. Quote. The Lonely Liar calls it old style Asia. I disagree. I'm inclined to think that none of the Lonely Liar authors have ever been to any of the destinations they write about. Don't get me wrong, Hanoi has a cool vibe but there isn't much to do. I went to the Museum of Ethanology ( I didn't even know that was a word) which was ok but left me exhausted. There was some kind of childrens festival going on which meant loads of kids were running around, screaming, in 32 degree heat. I started to go a bit peculiar.I got a motorbike to the Ho Chi Minh Museum which was just f***ing contrived. I couldn't really understand the whole concept of it. I was basically a bunch of exhibits quoting Uncle Ho through the years (he basically said the same thing every day) and displaying bits of clothing that he may or may not have worn at some point. There was a whole section devoted to Vietnam's relationship with North Korea. Loads of pictures of Kim Jung Il. What the f*** that was about I have no idea. The Vietnamese people at the museum were going crazy for all this stuff. They loved it. I just looked Uncle Ho up on Wiki. He sounds like an alright kind of guy. I couldn't really concentrate and for the rest of the day, I hummed Knights of Cydonia, Microphone Fiend and later on, Roxanne. I left the museum and tried to walk back towards the hostel. I ended up in the outskirts and got a lot of funny looks from old women washing their underwear in public and motorbike kids with toothpicks. I ended up having to get a ride back. I thought he said 50k dong but apparently he meant 500k. It got quite heated and I was ready to get medieval but he just rode off with 100k of my money. c*** Got back to the hostel and watched Liverpool absolutely annihilate United over a couple of beers in the bar. Went for some dinner on the street with some Belgian bloke I mat at the bar. The Pho stall looked a bit like this http://www.andyandclaire.info/Pix/031208_Street_Food_Hanoi.JPGA few more beers and we went to an Irish pub and played pool and then when the cops came in and blew their whistle to kick us out (I didn't think this actually happened), we got a cab to a bar. This bar looked like it was shut but you have to bang on the metal roller door to get let in. It's all quite clandestine. You had to laugh. There were about 6 people there so we sank one and then made our way to a club on the river. THE weirdest mix of music I have heard on a night out. The DJ really did have no idea what he was doing. The crowd loved it though. I just started laughing. I asked for some chemical brothers. He didn't have any. He played Crazy in Love instead and then mixed in some Benny Benassi. As I said, it was odd. I ended up trounced and left at 3ish. Me and a couple of guys from the hostel got on some motorbikes. We were followed back by a prostitute. I sometimes feel bad for telling people to f*** off but if it gets the message across… One of the guys who works at the hostel got back at the same time and went in to the bar and got us some beers. I had a headache today and got lost. A lot. I like!