Here we go again. Endless paragraphs of absolute twaddle. Blah blah blah blah blah blah f***ing blah.

So anyway, Kota Bahru was ok actually. It was very very malay but in a kind of good way. I hadnt seen much of that side. KL was just too cosmo to really take notice of any of that. Batu Arang was mostly chinese and refugees. I went to the cultural centre and watched some martial arts demonstration which was quite good as it had a kick ass drum band accompanying it. I like drums. There were also these spinning tops that were a bit of a disappointment as I wanted to see one top smash the f*** out of the other one. None of that. So yeah. Spent my time wandering around, trying to figure out my next clueless move. I figured I should probably head north and into thailand so I walked to the bus station. I had read various pieces advising me to head towards the west coast in Penang to cross the border as the eastern border had seen a lot of trouble with uslim insurgents. you know, bombings, shootings on trains and the like. I wanted a ticket to penang but the next available one would mean I would have to stay 4 nights in Kota Bahru which would have been taking the piss a bit. So I decided that I would just cross the border on the eastern seaboard, risk the possibility of a violent death and live a little. In the event of being shot or blown up to little pieces, I may have been written about in the paper and perhaps had a small tribute on north west tonight which would be quite good cos Nigel Havers is ace. I used to love the Krypton factor. However, if the only media coverage I got was from the likes of the daily mail or the f***ing express, it would have been a complete waste of my time. I'm still alive so we will never know. For the remainder of my time in Kota Bharu, I minced about looking for decent food (a bit thin on the ground) and decent company (quite a lot of it). One day I went in A&W to get a root beer (what a f***ing massive sell out I am) and the girl beind the counter just stared at me, smiling. I asked her if she was ok cos it was getting a bit ridiculous. She said, yes and I look like Brad Pitt. I turn round and a bunch of the people who work there were staring at me too. I sat there, drinking my root beer in its big frosty mug, panicking just a little bit inside.

Another day I was walking past he bus station and some bloke comes up to me and asks if I could spare a bit of my time. I immediately went into French mode in the hope he'd leave me alone (how f***ing presumptious of me to assume that he didnt speak french, what an utterly pompous git I am). He didnt leave me alone and just asked if I could teach him my language. For an hour and a half I had to speak in broken english in a heavy french accent to avoid getting busted. I taught him various sentences, most of which I was unsure of myself, despite spending 4 years of my life studying french at university. I said he was tired and should go and sleep but he pleaded with me to stay with him a bit longer. I said I was very thirsty and would just like some water. He took me to a chinese shop, got the old dear to get out a bottle of dirty whiskey, grabbed a can of coke and asked me to pay for him. I dont know at what point I decided that buying this guy a bottle of whiskey was a good idea but I did it nonetheless, probably just to get him to go away. He said that he has never had a friend as understanding as me. I laughed nervously. He gave me his email address, mobile number, a list of prepared sentences in Malay and the promise that should I return to Kota Bahru, he would teach me how to play the didgereedoo. Cheers mate.

Got back to the hostel and met a bunch of quite cool people, all of which were going in different directions to me. A couple of girls I met had some wicked wicked stories to tell. they had been taken round Georgetown by some old bloke in his merc for 2 days and he wanted nothing in return. One of them had lived on a navy ship sailing round the straits of malacca and had got official navy ID despite not beig in the navy. The captain served her Pimms on deck. Maybe I should start shaving my legs.

I got the bus the next morning to get to the thai border. We went through a few military checkpoints which was quite exciting. i got dropped off and had to walk through immigration with my 30kg bag on my bak. Got a rickshaw to the train stati in sungai kolok and then a mini bus to hat yai. On the minibus (4 hours) I sat next to a buddhist monk. That was a first. Saw a few machine guns.

Got to Hat Yai and checked into a guesthouse. The guest house and the town itself were pretty dead. there wasnt much atmosphere aside from the tooting of the saengthaws (tiny pick up vans that go along bus routes) and scooters that ferry people around. I went to the night market and picked up some food and then got a scooter ride back into town which was pretty cool. I then somehow ended up in some dead bar drinking tiger in the company of a couple of old blokes who were probably malaysian. There were a couple of pretty girls walking aound the bar, not serving drinks or anything but sort of just mincing about. Hmmm. One of the approached this fat, old white bloke who came into the bar. Kind of weird. And gross. There was, however, this cool band made up of thais and philippinos and chinese guys. they were really tight, if lacking a bit in cool but I now have a renewed love for Bill Withers and the Commodores. Kick ass, as my dad would say. Hi Dad!

I left the next day on another mini bus. The people in front of me were tiny thai women but they insisted on putting their seats back as far as they would go. I wanted to rip their ears off. I sat next to a thai rasta though, who was quite cool. He spoke quite good english although his accent meant quite a lot of what he said got lost. I ended up in Krabi and scored this wicked room in what has turned out to be not so much o a wicked town. Again, as it is low season, not much of an atmosphere. But then again, I prefer it like this than full of pasty white folk asking for pizza and lager. I got ushered into a reggae bar (I hate reggae) by some bloke that looked and acted like a thai rasta version of James Williamson. if you can imagine that. Had a couple of beers and finished my book. Very exciting. In the next couple of days I'll be off to Ko Phagn Nan to howl at the moon, spend too much on booze and quite possibly make an absolute tit of myself. New photos up now. Or in a couple of mins if you're reading this straight after I post this. They arent that good so I do apologise. I'll try and do better.

Mike, this is a personal message to you; get your ass in gear.

Till next time. Take care of yourselves. And each other.