Never in the over a year of planning and saving for this trip, never did I think it would end like this. It still doesn't even feel real sometimes that we have to leave only a short month after being here. I don't want to sound ungrateful for the time I have had here, but making the decision to leave has been the hardest decision I've ever had to make, and my friends and I have shed many tears over the past week.

Unfortunately, I will be leaving on Thursday (NZ time) to head back home. While traveling during this time feels so wrong, I am given little to no choice as the United States has issued a level 4 travel advisory, basically warning its citizens to return home or remain unable to get back in for an indefinite period of time. Up until about a week ago, I was pretty set on staying, but it seemed like every day we were getting email updates from our advisor at home, the NZ government, and the United States government that were bleaker and bleaker. It was getting to a point where seeing any email pop up on my phone would cause me instantaneous and deep anxiety because the future was so uncertain. Finally, the email we had been dreading came, the one saying that we had a day to book a flight, and if we didn't we would lose the option to go home. All the LVC students I am here with have decided it is best for us to head home, while we still have the choice to do so.

To my LVC people, my terries, you all have made this trip more special to me than you know. Without you all, I don't think I could have gotten through all these difficult decisions, all the stress, and all the uncertainty. We still managed to make the most of our time, and to form friendships that will last, and I hope one day we all get to return to New Zealand and carry out the plans we were so excited about a few short weeks ago.

To the New Zealander who quickly became very special to me, you unfailingly supported me through so much in such a short time, and I will always remember and appreciate that. I truly hope our paths can cross again later in life and I won't forget the time we spent together and how you made me feel anytime soon.

To all the people at home who supported me in any way, I thank you. I know I have been difficult to support lately, and I want you all to know I recognize your patience and it means a lot to me.

I literally feel so heartbroken that this is the last post I get to write on this blog and that the trip that was supposed to be so much for me ended this way. I know that this is the smartest and safest choice for me now, but it doesn't make it any easier to leave the place I've grown so fond of, and every time I think I've come to terms with it, I realize that I just haven't. I've been trying so hard to focus on the positives, and one of them is that now I know I am capable of being independent and having the adventures that I want to have. I have felt like the happiest version of myself here, and every moment I've had, good and bad, I have appreciated so much.