Okay, I'll come clean. Last night I crashed my scooter. Crash is being more than a little hyperbolic. Let me explain, though I'm sure that Chelsea's account of the situation will have been a life threatening experience from which we staggered away with blood pumping out of ruptured arteries. All that actually happened was when we were pulling out of a very rocky car park with Chelsea on the back we hit a loose stone and the wheel juddered to the right where I lost control and we toppled over. I am not embellishing when I say that we were doing roughly half of a mile an hour. We both jumped back up unscathed although Chelsea sulked with me for the following 24 hours, claiming that 'I hadn't apologised quickly enough'. She stood up and let out a sound like a winded bison and began to cry. Obviously I felt terrible and rubbed her back whilst apologising and asking if she was okay. However, twenty minutes in with no progress in Chelsea's recovery (she was still bent over with her hands on her knees, breathing deeply as though contemplating the meaning of life and how she had narrowly dodged the scythe of the grim reaper) I began to roll my eyes a little - it really was just like forgetting to put your foot down on a bicycle and falling to the side! 'Well I'm sorry that I found it more traumatic than you! I'm in shock!' Was all I could get out of her.

Despite our bodies being left unscathed the scooter had some light scratches along its front wheel mud guard and on its foot peg and although I gave it a severe spit shine I wasn't sure that it would pass a scrutinising back at the depot.

It didn't pass the scrutinising and Jorge wasn't at all happy. Initially he wanted 1000 pesos from me for the damages but in the end I gave him 150 pesos and a firm Welsh handshake. He asked me if I wanted to rent it for longer after that so he can't have been too sore.

To make up for my grievances with karma I later helped our hostel owner recapture her escaped budgie. I eventually cornered it and after some serious hesitation picked it up and plopped out back into its cage. It must be added that it was a very mean budgie, it went at my fingers like a thing possessed and I was lucky to have escape with only minor injuries.

With my yo-yo of a day coming to a close I headed back to the beach where I sat ostentatiously in the shade with topless women sunbathing all around me. It was terrible. I was so upset that I really struggled to get my mirrored shades on.