TEN THINGS I'VE LEARNT IN PARIS

10. STEREOTYPING - Western tourists are immediately presumed to be American (as in USA). Nell and I were given sugar sachets with our orange juice at a cafe, you know, just in case we wanted to sweeten our juice-drinking experience. We gave the waiter a clear look of 'WTF?'. He was then surprised to find out that we are Aussies.

9. TRANSLATION - This wasn't too bad, but there were quite a few humorous written translations around the place that gave me a giggle (just cos I'm like that). My favourite was probably a warning sign half way up the Eiffel Tower that contained an English translation that read "Lost things will be destroyed". I couldn't help but picture a big French man neutralising a discarded Barbie doll with a blow torch whilst smoking a cigarette.

8. PERSONAL SPACE - The street promoters and other shifty road-dwelling units don't think twice about trying to win your cash or endorsement. They'll put things in your hand no matter how many times you tell them 'non' or 'no' or 'get stuffed, foreign gypsy-woman'.

7. PATRIOTISM - The French are very proud of their country, and they want you to know that. French flags can be found on every public building (not that unusual), but in their droves. Many large buildings with multiple windows would have 5 flags hanging from each window... So maybe that's 100 French flags for some of the larger buildings.

6. TRAFFIC - You have to be possessed by a demon to even consider driving or cycling through the city. Road rules appear to be optional, and people will push in anywhere, even if no space exists, risking their own lives just to get an extra car length ahead. I reckon we saw about 10 near misses. I also saw a man-rule being broken, two blokes sharing a mo-ped.

5. BEAUTY - Paris is truly a beautiful city, as long as you stay out of the 'bad' areas. The class divide is massive, and for me this was best represented visually by a homeless man begging on the street, with his two homeless cats, out the front of the Gucci store on Rue Royal.

4. BEER - You can buy beer anywhere, including up on the Eiffel Tower. I'm almost disappointed that there were no Heineken vending machines in our hotel room showers.

3. PUBLIC TOILETS - Maybe this was moreso tourists, and not Parisians (I will never know), but on more than one occasion when I was using a public toilet, people outside would try to open the cubicle door when I was clearly inside, presumably double-checking to see that it was indeed occupied. When the door didn't open, they would give it another try. There is clearly no shortage of spuds walking around in Paris.

2. PATIENCE - Parisian people are pretty impatient, especially with English-speaking tourists. However, if you make a genuine effort to speak French to them, and also explain that you're an Aussie, they are much more accommodating and friendly.

1. PHIL - Our Top Deck tour leader - Phil - most definantly has a favourite descriptive word, which seems to excite him. That word is 'funky'. Once we get to know him a bit better I think I'll give him a hard time about it.