Hi all The next day (as were quite a few days over the next couple of weeks) was spent on my part trying to catch up on the website, while Mand and Lau went off to meet Andy and Kimbers. I met up with them at a Mexican restaurant in the evening and I don't think I've ever been as happy to see another man in all my life. At last, a bloke I can chat to without having to worry about the language barrier. Football. Women. Life in general. The choices are endless. After dinner, we headed to Why Not? for drinks amundo and got promptly slaughtered. On the way in, I was greeted by a bloke alled Darren who began chatting to me like we were old friends. Thinking I must've met him at some point when I was drunk I chatted away for a few minutes until it became totally obvious that I'd never met him before in my life. But that didn't matter to this boy. He started going on about all the travelling he'd been doing and offering me advice on where to go left right and centre. I simply had to go here cos it was the best place ever What? I hadn't been there? Well I'd missed out big style cos it was simply amazing etc etc etc. Turns out this t*** had been travelling for less time than me and had only been to Thailand. But that didn't stop him going on like he was Uncle Travelling Matt himself. I eventaully prised myself away from him and in a fit of madness invited him to sit with us. He then subjected Andy and Kimbers to the exact same spiel. Eventually he f***ed off, thank God, and we got chatting to a couple of other lads who turned out to be pretty sound. Drinks flowed and Killer came round again. These other two boys started going on about us all sorting each other out, team game and all that, and then one of them proceeded to stitch me up 3 times in a row. I don't think I've ever gone out after three shots in my life. Gimps. But it proved a moot point, cos Andy promptly won and we got another bottle of rum for his trouble. Sweet. Not long after we'd done that, it was time for yet another early(ish) night cos to be fair I'm not getting any younger. Although I don't know what the excuses are for the others. Next morning and we met up with Andy and Kimbers for lunch, heading for a little place Andy remembered from his last sojourn here. On the way we were accosted by a little kid in an England shirt trying to sell us postcards. Nope, me and Mand already have 20 each that we haven't sent yet. How about a game of football with him and his friends then? First to three wins. If we win we get free postcards and if we lose we have to pay for them. Ah well, why not? It'll be a laugh if nothing else. He even offered to give us the wind for assistance. Bless him. So we lunched and postcard boy led us to the beach for the promised game. Where we got well and truly trounced. Seriously. Despite the heroic efforts of Mand in goal, Laura's tough tackling, Andy's sharp shooting up front, Kimbers's super short range passing and my running around like a headless chicken we got well and truly trounced. My favourite bit was getting left on my arse when the little s*** dummied me a treat. To our credit, we did go one nil up. But then it was one way traffic. Well, I guess you could call it two way if you took into account the several times they ripped through us then refused to shoot, opting instead to turn and boot it back to their goalie. Just to make the game last longer. Humiliated, but in good spirits (this was the first exercise for us in about 3 months - a fact borne out by the need for an oxygen tent and an iron lung - I for one sounded like I was playing the bagpipes) we paid for our unwanted postcards and retreated to the sailing Club for a drink and a fag. After a while, postcard boy and a friend appeared offering to play us at pool. For postcards. No problem, this is my game. I'll teach the little s***s. We bought them a drink and I played postcard boy first. I beat him. Just. These kids were s*** hot. Andy then played the kid in the Spiderman t-shirt. And lost. As the kid named the pocket he was going to pot into (a ridiculously fine cut) Andy smilingly murmurred that he'd give him a million Dong if he potted it. Thank f*** Spidey Boy didn't hear him. It went down like Frank Bruno in the fourth. Then I played postcard boy again. And lost. By miles. We agreed to call it quits (after much hassling from him). But then things started to turn a litle ugly. Andy said he wasn't going to buy any more postcards he didn't want and that as we'd bought them their drinks that they should call it quits. Fair one. But Spidey Boy was deeply unimpressed. Him and the other one sulked and kept calling Andy a cheat until eventually they got bored and f***ed off, still upset. Ah well. We then proeeded to get righteously drunk in Why Not? before heading back to the Sailing Club to finish off. Quality. The next day saw me as hungover as it gets and vowing to stay off the spitits for ever more. The girls headed off to a mud spa for the day and the day after that I was still feeling grumpy and the other 4 headed off on a day trip round the islands. I think Mand is going to write about that at some point. The day after that the other three were off to Saigon, but me and Mand decided to hang around and do our PADI Open Water qulaification. So it was with a tear in our eye that we said farewell, with the promise that we'd meet up with them again in Malaysia, before Laura headed home and the rest of us headed to Oz. Cool. We booked our diving course for the following day and were up bright and early for the minibus to pick us up and take us to the classroom for our day of theory. I'd forgotten what it was like to actually have a purpose (I'm not sure I've ever really embraced it), and deeply resented the fact I was being forced to sit in a classroom and watch the most boring video I've ever seen. Worse than Mad Dog And Glory, surely De Nior's worst hour and a hald. But the I haven't seen Rocky And Bulwinkle so it's not an open and shut case just yet. But we did, and the next day we were off to the pool for some practical. Now as most of you are probably aware, I'm not a great lover of water. As we donned the gear and the guy explained just what we were going to be doing (taking breathing apparatus out, taking masks off and loads of other things I was none too happy about) I was still feeling remarkably calm. Until it came time to step into the water. This gear is seriously firkin heavy, and my mind wouldn't accept the fact that once I was in that I'd float. I stood on the edge of the pool and felt the familiar disconfort setting in at the thought of willingly going into something that makes it impossible to breathe. I like breathing. And I don't see why I should have to stop. But gathering the last of my courage I stepped to the edge, took a deep breath and then let Mandy go first. What. Don't look at me like that. I'm a gentleman and it's only polite. There was no putting it off any longer and with a feeling approaching absolute fear I took a deep breath and stepped off the edge. And I floated. After some initial floundering around and general panic, I floated. Cool. Calmness returned. No drowning for me. From then on, it was all gravy. Apart from the odd bit when I got really annoyed at myself for not being able to do some of the simplest things (like get undressed and re-dresed under water) a fact made worse because Mand looked like she'd been doing this kind of thing all her life. But hey, by the end of the day I was even beginning to enjoy it. The next day was out in the sea, and I was feeling strangely confident. Until it came to stepping off the boat and into 20m of water. It's not natural I tell you. But I eventually got up enough coutrage and plunged in, and suddenly I was really enjoying myself. Alright, I obviously still wasn't that good at it (I couldn't seem to go in a straight line and ended up going up and down the whole time) but I was starting to relax.In fact, by the end of the second dive I was a bit bored and wanting for something with abit more zip to it. Like maybe a shark attack. But no, the sharks had obviously decided to steer clear of us. For the time being at least. After a few more tests we were done for the day and headed home. Then things took a slight turn for the worst. The night beforewe had gone out for a gourmet seafood meal. This was the dog's b******s. Though not literally obviously, it was seafood. I think the dog's b******s were being served in the restaurant next door. We had shark fin and seafood soup, three huge tiger prawns, squid salad and a pound of lobster. Each. All freshly caught and most of it still alive when we arrived. Fantastico. But 24 hours later and our bellies weren't feeling quite right. Uh oh. Cue a night of me sitting on the toilet being sick into the sink. The bowel was well and truly open at both ends. Mand fared slightly better and just had a mild case of the squits. It wasn't the most pleasant night I've ever had, but all in all it wasn't too bad really. I had Catch 22 to read in between the movements of my insides which helped immensely. The next day, diving was well and truly out as we recovered, and the next day Mand went down with a cold. So we were forced to wait it out. After four days, we were both fit and raring for it, but then our instructor went down with a cold as well. Eventually, they found us another instructor who could fit us in, and one week after our last lesson we were off for our final exams. And they went swimmingly (sorry, couldn't resist). The two dives we went on were absolutely fantastic. I loved every single minute of it. So much so, that I didn't want it to end, and am seriously considering sitting my Dive Masters and doing it for a living. Yet another change of career? I doubt it, cos the money's s***, but I've been thinking about maybe starting a dive tour business of Sout East Asia. I might just have a few more dives first though eh! That evening we headed back to the Dive School for our final written exam which started at 8pm and we were told wouldn't take too long. It took two hours. So we missed our second appointment on MSN Messenger (sorry Stubes and Kate) but as we'd passed, we decided to get drunk with the two girls from our hotel, Thu and Phuong, to celebrate. More about them and what we've been up to on the next postcard though. Take care all xxxxxxxxxxxxxx