Hi all So off the 11 of us set in a minibus built for about 8 for the 5 hour journey to Vang Vieng (VV). It took us about 7 and half in the end, mainly due to the fact we were so overloaded the bus couldn't do more than about 30 miles an hour which was actually a nice respite after the suicidal tuk tuk man who took us to the waterfall. Although it was a bit (very) cramped I somehow got lucky and got a seat behind the door so had loads of leg room and a window to lean against. Beautiful. The journey took us through yet more mountains of breathtaking beauty, huge peaks swathed in clouds and again most of it looking like it had come straight from Jurassic Park. I'm thinking of calling our first born 'mountain'. Possibly anyway. Or maybe Graham. But as day gave way to dusk and the mood turned peaceful and slumbersome we were reatred to something which for me was bordering on the magical. Starlight. Like I've never seen it. Bear in mind there are no street lights, not even in the towns. Most houses don't have electricity so not even lights from the houses. The best way to describe it is like being in a fish bowl of stars. Combine this with a slumbersome mood, and Morcheeba on the ipod and magical doesn't even begin to describe it. I don't think it's possible. It was made all the better for the fact that I have no idea what any of the constellations were (possibly the Southern Cross but they may have been fanciful)so to all intents and purposes it was an alien sky. The best journey by a country mile so far. I think maybe the Oz outback may come close but it's gonna have a lot to live up to. And there was a lot less dangerous wildlife on the bus. When we finally got to VV after what felt like a long time but at the same time was over far too quickly (not helped by the driver telling us it was only 2 hours away whenever we asked even when it was 5) we got signed into a guesthouse and headed out for food. We joined the lads in a restaurant/bar had some food and perused the 'special menu'. Mushroom tea/shakes/pizzas, happy shakes/pizzas, bags of weed, bags of opium and opium tea. Hmmmm, maybe not tonight. A couple of beers and off to bed. The next morning we awoke fereling somewhat scratchy, put it down to the heat and headed out for our first real taste of VV. It's kind of like amodern version of what I imagine a goldrush town to have been like in the Wild West. 2 dusty roads with new buildings going up next to old shacks and about 15 bars. Fantastico. Spent the whole day and several of the next humming and singing Just Like Jesse James by Cher....sorry. So what to do in this wilderness? We watched Friends. Seriously. We found one of the several bars showing non stop Friends episodes and the three of us sat back to get trashed. It's like tradition on your first day somewhere new. Well it is now. After about 5 hours of Friends and BeerLao (Kimbers managed to break a glass so I guess you could say we were a little 'loose') we decided we really should do something a little more rewarding. So we went to play pool. And i got beaten. By a 10 year old child. No biggie I'd have done him in a fight. Probably. So after a few more beers/games (interrupted briefly by Conor who came over to see what we were up to - about 20 pints I reckon) we headed back to the bar where we were the previous night to sample the 'special' menu. After much discussion (and moaning from myself) we eventually plumped for a mushroom shake each. The guy gave us a big smile and promised he'd make them extra special just for us (which prompted a little cloth touching and yet more moaning from myself) and we settled in. He brought them ove along with an extra mushroom for each of us and I felt my stomach turn just looking at them. Ah well, down the hatch. I'd like to tell you my fears were ungrounded. And they were. f*** all. An instant sobering up, and a little grin about an hour later and we all just got really tired and went home. PARTY ANIMALS OR WHAT! The next day saw us fit and ready to do something a bit more than drinking. Unfortunately the guys and the girls (I was so tempted to put Guys and Dolls then) had had a slight falling out the night before (no-one's 100% sure what happened or if they are they're not saying - I blame it all on Conor :o) and Charlie finally got sandbagged by Nat - can't believe it took him 2 weeks and he had to get her drunk first) resulting in Charlotte never wanting to see Mick again. Ever. And it didn't blow over. Anyway, the 3 of us pootled around for a bit and then decided to go tubing. Tubing is floating down the Mekong on tractor inner tubes and it'sd cool as f***. It just so happened we met the boys while we were on our way and they joined us, so the 3 became 7 and off we went in a tuk tuk to the launching place. Now, while you're floating down the river (which to be fair is moving pretty fast at this time of year) there are bars. The kind you drink in. Every 100 yards or so. Omitting the first one on the grounds that it was only 20 feet from where we launched we headed for the second. As you float past, the guys on the bank throw you rubber rings on string and then pull you in. Well most of us. Charlie missed his, and the one the second guy threw out. And off he went while the rest of us scrambled out on to the bank. Not to worry though, these bar guys know what they're doing and a little further down was another bloke in a kayak to catch the stragglers. And within a matter of minutes, much to everyone's relief, charlie was back with us and standing staring in awe (as were most of us) at the rope swing. This was no ordinary rope swing. Get those ideas of pissing around in 100 acres or over the Ford out of your mind. This was a rope trapese. About 30 feet up from the water was a platform with a bar to grab on to. It was all pretty well set up (a bit like a high ropes course for those of you that have done one) but trust me. It was scary. So obviously Mandy, Conor and Will were up there like rats up a drain pipe. I watched. So did the others. 3 times each. Ok so you've got hold of the rope swing 30 feet up from the water and it pulls you so that you...well....swing. For miles. Time for some geometry. Q: If the rope is 30 feet up at this end and swings you down so that at it's lowest point you almost touch the water, before starting it's upswing which actually takes you higher than when you started, how far do you actually swing? A: A f***ing long way. Think Spiderman in Metropolis. And then at it's highest point (35 feet?) you let go of the rope and drop like a stone into a fast flowing current. Now I'd like to think that having shat it at the waterfall this was my time for redemption. Hardly. If I wasn't already wet you'd have been able to see the adrenaline running down my leg. And there was a girl of about 12 doing it. Anyway, Mandy, Conor and Will were up and at it 3 times each, the pick of the bunch being a belly flop by Conor which turned his entire stomach red for about three days, and a girl from another group who let go of the rope on its downward swing and just crashed headfirst into the water. I reckon she was doing about 25 - 30 mile an hour when she hit, and the sheer panic as she was swept away was something to behold. The ring man dived straight in and told us when he got back that she'd dislocated her shoulder and was off to hospital. But at least she tried it. After a couple of bees we were back in the rings and decided not to stop at any more bars until nearer the end (time was getting on) and much tom foolery (I love that word) and splashing later we wound up at Lucky Bar. A couple of drinking games and a whiskey bucket later and the bar owner offers us a clear liquid in a non descript bottle. Lao Lao. Lao Lao is the local moonshine made from fermented stick rice. It tastes a bit like Sake but kicks like absinthe. feeling thoroughly warmed and a little drunk we got back in a nd floated the last 100 yards or so to the tube stop. This consists of a barely readable sign and we only found it because the bar owner had told us where to look. The girls went the following day and didn't know, and floated on down. If it hadn't been for some friendly fisherman they'd still be going now I reckon. Still, back we went and out for some serious drinking to celebrate Kimberley's last night with us as she was heading to Vientiane the next day so she could meet Laura from her flight the morning after that. The girls joined us (minus Charlotte) and the whiskey and cokes flowed. Then the Killer Pool competition started. 30 pissed people 10000 kip (50p) each. The winner gets a crate of BeerLao and a BeerLao t-shirt. Obviously I won. No contest really :o) Shrugging off the attention of the pool groupies (or were they BeerLao groupies) and after Rosie and Kimbers had attempted to drunkenly flirt with 2 fit lads (and got blown out for some posh girls from Guildford - 'its cos you're mingers, girls' was the general concensus) we said goodnight to the English girls and headed out to Lucky Bar which was open 24/7. Things went a bit pear shaped after a row between Charlie and Kimbers (you're doing well boys) Kimbers and Mand shot off whilst I (theoretically at least) bought 2 whiskey buckets and some ciggies and would catch upback at the hotel. Not quite. Mandy and Kimbers had a drunken argument and by the time the buckets had arrived Mand was back. Now I thought that that would mean Kimbers didn't want us back so we set about drinking the booze while waiting for the rain to ease up, before going to see she was alright. We spent a little longer there than we thought and it was 5.30 before we got back there, at which kimbers was obviously a bit pissed off, especially as she'd waited up, then gone to sleep only for us to wake he up, and her bus was due in 2 and a half hours. Kimbers I heartily apologise. The next day saw Kimbers up and off (still a tad frosty), Mand in bed all day and me with nothing to do. I met Conor and Will for lunch and they told me that Charlie and Mick hadn't come back that night and suspected they were still in Lucky Bar. A suspicion which proved 100% correct. Mick had actually slept there, woken up and ordered another whiskey and coke. Charlie meanwhile had woken up in a guesthouse with no idea how he got there and afte taking directions from the locals waded down the side of the river to rejoin his buddy and get s***faced. We didn't know any of this at the time but decided at some point during the day we should go check. Conor still looked rough as a dog to be fair and went to get some much needed sleep so Will and myself set about drinking the crate of beer I'd won the night before (did i mention the amazing double I pulled off to clinch it?). This was done and suddenly, there was Charlie. Smelling like a French perfume counter. Wearing my shirt. Inside out. I still don't know how he got it. I'm sure I left it in the bar. I went off to get Mand and when we got back, Mick had arrived, along with Conor and all the girls. Food, beer what can I say? and I was feeling pretty smashed. Then I looked at Mick and Charlie and didn't feel half so bad. Smashed is too kind. The falling asleep standing up kind of smashed. Total system shut down. And Mick finished second in the pool comp. Legend. He won a whiskey bucket which was just what he needed. The girls were leaving for Vientiane the next day and said goodbye. Me and Mand had decided that we'd stay an extra day as she'd spent all of this one in bed with a hangover. Charlie shot off as well, and Mandy went soon after, leaving Will, Conor, Mick and myself to find another bar (we didn't) and a nightclub (we did). Shots of Lao Lao to start - producing projectile vomitting from Conor who'se developed a kind of gullet allergy to the s*** - a few shooters (B52s, Slippery Nipples and some I can't remember) a couple of whiskey cokes and it was time for Mick's bed time. The 3 of us still standing headed for Lucky's for one last bucket before bed. I developed the same allergy to Lao Lao that Conor has (not pretty) and we got chatting to 3 bar girls and a couple of other Irish lads. Conor and Will headed out and after 10 minutes or so I decided to follow, fighting off the amorous attentions of the bar girl with no man. After crossing the long rickety bridge out of Lucky's, I made a mistake and turned left instead of right and found myself in amongst some rather unfriendly looking tin shacks. But not to worry. This bar girl had followed me and offered to take me home. The look in her eye offered a lot more. When she finally got me there she was convinced I was going to invite her in and couldn't believe it when she realised I wasn't going to - 'Ah I see, your girlfriend in there'. Yep. And also the fact that you're a middle aged grotbag had a slight bearing on it. So being ever the gentleman I offered to walk her home now I knew where I was and she told me she lived 10km away. 6 miles there. 6 miles back. This was blatantly her last play at getting into mine, so i called her bluff and said ok lets go. 50 yards later and she knocks on the window of a house, the occupant lets her in and she still has the front ot ask me if I want to come in. Who does she think I am? Johnny? After a polite refusal I was off home for some much needed coma like sleep. Relieved is not the word. The next day found us tubing again owing to there being absolutely nothing to do in VV. No sites. Just bars and tubing. Oh and kayaking.This time the weather was a bit overcast but at the rope swing bar a couple of the locals were playing a game a bit like header tennis over a volleyball net with a little ball made out of some sort of bark so we joined in and started to sweat some of the beer out. Next to us was a proper volleyball court with about 20 Septics playing in an absolute mudbath and getting covered. Top drawer. After a while it started to rai so we decided to make a move before it got any heavier. As soon as we'd gone about 20 yards the heavens opened and we were well and truly into a downpour. Ah well, next bar it is then. And it was rammed. Everybody had decided to stop there and pray for sun. Much tom foolery later (Mick having soaking wet money stuck all over his face by Mand being my personal highlight) and we were back in the tubes getting soaked and heading for Lucky Bar. A quick beer and off to dry off, get some food, have a couple of quiet ones and get an early night. And for once that was just what happened (although I did manage to embarass myself in the PoolComp first). Come the morning and it was time for me and my beloved to hit the road once again to join up with Kimbers and Laura in Vientiane. I headed off to get some sandwiches for the trip and while I was gone our transport turned up, loaded up our bags, said he couldn't wait and that he'd be back in about 5 minutes. If we weren't ready then that's our tough s***. Cue Mand racing in to the bar to find me in a right panic (fair one), and me trying to calm her down. The sandwiches arrived a minute or so later (they were still cooking the bread, hence the wait) and we got back to the pick up point just in time. As we pulled up at the bus station, the bus was already rolling and after a bit of shouting at the driver by OUR driver, it stopped and we hopped on. One seat left, but a number of garden chairs in the aisle. Hmmmm. All the bags were also loaded in the aisle. Slightly over booked then. But our luck changed. There were a couple of seats right at the back. We just had to struggle over all the bags to get there. Easy. Nearly. As I got to the seat I suddenly realised that I didn't have my sunglasses any more. Loads of hustle and bustle as i asked everyone sitting in the aisle seat to pick up the nearest bag and check to see if they were there. Nope. I was seriously pissed off and sat back with a proper mardy look, thinking that one of these t*** had stolen them. About two hours into the journey Mand found them under the seat I was sitting on. Captain Chaos returns. The journey took about 4 hous in all and we slept for probably 2 and a half of them so there's not much to tell really. We arrived in Vientiane, Mand went to check Kimbers's email again about where she was staying and off we went to find her. As a slight addendum to the story of Mick and Charlie's hammering of the beer, there was one more slight incident worth relating. The night he went home 'early' and I nearly got abducted by a bar girl, Charlie awoke at about 6.30 am and Mick still wasn't in his bed. Feeling a bit worried cos he'd heard him come in, he promptly set off on a mini search of the hotel and the surrounding bars which were all closed. Getting back to his room and just about to go to Conor and Will's to see if they had any idea where he might be, he happened to open the bathroom door 'just in case'. There in all his glory, pants down hugging the toilet bowl was Mick. Who'd shat himself. And was slithering around in it. A mental image that will stay with me til my dying day. To make matters worse the drain in the bathroom is blocked so Mick had serious trouble cleaning it all away and the smell was still there when we left. You're a hero fella. Hats off to you! Take care all xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx