The weather channel predicts nothing but rain and T-storms all across the peninsula but after yet another morning spent drying things out we depart for the ultimate destination goal of our ride (or at least the furthest south!)



The beauty of weather predictions though is how often are they right? Usually they err on the bad side, sunny becomes rainy, warm becomes cold, but today it worked in my favor as it turned out to be a beautiful day! Naturally there is some luck involved, there was a big system off to the east that I was headed straight for and the road curved at the last minute.

I stayed on I-75 out of Ft. Myers to put some quick mileage in, you head south a bit and then cross back east almost to Miami before heading out onto the keys. There is no road directly through the Everglades. I-75 is called Alligator Alley as it recrosses the peninsula, but there are 16' high chain link fences 50' away on either side of the road so there is no chance seeing or interacting with anything.

I paid my 3 buck toll and then turned right onto a secondary road that took me to Hwy 41, a smaller road traveling parallel to I-75 that I was told had much more promise of reptilian sightings. Called the Tamiami Trail it had a 20 foot wide channel beside the road that supposedly crocs & gators (Florida has both) like to sun bathe in and no fence!

Sadly neither crocs nor gators were present during my drive by. I think I saw a duck, or maybe it was a stick. I think in my eagerness to see anything I might have mistaken a stick to be a duck, either way, pretty disappointing! Well, maybe if it was a duck it would have only been slightly disappointing, but in hindsight I am pretty sure it was a stick! Perhaps a duck shaped stick.

There are, however, these 2 signs in great abundance;



I think the Panther Crossing sign could replace a lot of other signs, basically anywhere you don't want people to go to, stop at, hang out, be at, etc. For example; No Parking could become Panther Crossing. No Stopping or No Waiting could become Panther Crossing, you get the idea! It would be a lot cheaper if we only had to print one variation of road sign!

A guy at a gas station said the Panthers aren't usually active until after dark, but the Gators are unpredictable. Personally I think that if you travel this road at night, you are forfeiting your position on the top of the food chain; landing up somewhere between the dumpster behind a Hardee's and a bucket of shark chum. If you get eaten, it was definitely yer fault.

I then turned on 997 SB, to be forever known as garden store road. The road was bracketed on both sides by garden stores, decorative rock quarries, tree farms etc. Naturally the traffic consisted of 'slow moving bargain hunter mini vans and girlie pickup trucks' prone to sudden stops, turns without signaling and aborted turn offs. Frustrating teeth gritting traffic.

Finally after a very long time we got to the actual Florida Keys highway, Old Number 1. As I was driving through Key Largo on a one lane divided highway I reached over and activated my camera. About 10 seconds later the HeroCam's clamp stem cracked and broke off of its handlebar mount. I pulled over to the narrow shoulder and started walking back to where I could see it in the middle of the road, completely intact. As I got closer I could see the red light blinking, is was still recording.

Although I was far off the road walking on the grass an approaching dually pickup hauling a large boat decided he should be ultra cautious and pull to left as he passed me. This lined up his duallies perfect with the camera housing and Ka-Blammo! He drove right over it! Bits and pieces flew through the air. Thankx alot!

I retrieved all the pieces the best I could, although I could not find the back of the water proof case, nor the battery door. The camera still powered on, although it did read SD card error. As it was still recording right up to the moment it got runned over, I thought the video on it might be quite interesting.

I carried on for a bit sans camera and stopped in a gas station 30 mins later for a camera swap. I had brought a second HeroCam with me in a sleeve housing, however the arm of my leather jacket, including forearm pad, ended up being too big for it to fit on.

I started to retrofit its case to my existing handle bar mount, only to find the cases, closures and fittings are all slightly different. Way to go GoPro! Every think someone might need to get creative in the field? I think that is a very lowdown way to sell more camera accessories! What makes this all the more frustrating is that I have literally dozens of spare cases and mounting options that I left at home.

It took a bunch of electrical tape, but we finally got the camera fitted.

From Key Largo to Key West is about 160 km, we should be able to pull that off in 1.5 hrs, OK maybe 2 cus there's bound to be some clownyness. Nope, 4+ hours. Speed rarely tops 50 kph, lots of construction, lots of slow moving cotton tops. Apparently anyone over the age of 50 is absolutely fanatical about obeying the speed limit. There are no pull overs, no passing lanes.

Here is 10 minutes of driving the keys, compressed into 2;



A frequently sight is a white or silver Crown Vic or Lincoln Town Car (vehicle of choice for Cotton Tops) pegged at 1 MPH under the posted speed limit, with 20 or 30 other cars backed up behind them, all tailgating one another. When a rare passing opportunity does exist everyone tries to pass everyone else and no one accomplishes anything.

Except me, I often pass 15 - 20 cars at once. Ha, take that you Farging Bastiges!

I had a preconceived notion and mental image of what driving the Keys was (were?) going to be like, although my info comes from popular culture. My imagery of the Florida Keys is from the movie True Lies, where Jamie Lee Curtis is in the out of control Limo with the Asian lady and the shot dead driver. Ah-nold swoops in flying a Harrier and shoots out the roadway.



That was my vision anyway, driving on an elevated roadway with water on either side most of the way. In reality the Keys are an archipelago of coral structures with very few stretches of open water. With the exception of Seven Mile Bridge, and a lot of shorter bridges, most of the drive is on land. Pretty disappointing actually!



I get to KW about 1730 to find the office to my motel closed, they work 8AM - 5PM. A note taped to the window says I would have got an email with instructions, I check, I haven't. I am literally dripping in sweat and my temperature's rising. I phone the emergency number listed on the note and prepare myself for the worst, but it turns out OK. Each motel room has a lock box next to it, the nice lady gives me the combination and in the span of a minute I am in!

I pick up some tasty vital fluid replacement adult beverages from the Cuban Deli across the street and sit in front of the AC unit for about an hour until my internal temp stabilizes. My mo'tel, Ocean Breezes Inn is about 2 blocks from the most southern point in America.

I have a texting session with my BuBu Eryn and also call my Mother, then have a little walk about. Durval Street is where everything happens in KW, the street is full of bars and restaurants. Later BuBu and I have a FaceTime date and then I have a late supper at a Steakhouse called The Strip Joint.

I turn in around midnight to the whoops and hollers of people partying in the streets.