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Cusco I - Waiting for the WOW
1. Bus Cama
We left our hotel and arrived at the bus station to catch our bus to Cusco. We boarded the bus, and Lisa found her seat was occupied by a child. The mother moved the child out of her seat, and then replaced it so it half sat on Lisa's knee for the entire journey. A hideous meal of chicken and rice in polystyrene boxes was brought around for EVERYONE to enjoy. Lisa refused hers point blank. Charlie attempted a little of his, but then placed it in the aisle for the stewardess to come and take away. Meanwhile, the child on Lisa's lap scampered down the aisle. Several minutes later, Charlie looked in the aisle and saw that the naughty pescada had kicked the tray of chicken and rice and spilled it everywhere. His attempts to clean up every last grain, and the stewardess looked most unamused as she came to take away the slops.
We settled down for sleep on the bus. Charlie slept right through, although Lisa and Calum were kept awake by a man making sexing noises as he slept. At 3am, the sexing noises man awakened to question Lisa about a missing mobile phone. In Spanish. He tried to make her search for it but a firm reply of "NO" was given instead. All throughout the night, Lisa was exposed to the mother and child on her lap continuously vomiting into small plastic bags. First Nasca, then this. What is so repulsive about Lisa that makes people vomit!?
At 6am, everyone was very relieved to be woken up by a very loud video of Latin American music videos. Our favourite was the one about "lovely coca leaves", sung by an ugly in a bikini, filmed in somebody's garden as the equivalent to the M1 roared past in the background. Nice.
2. Hostal Imperial II
We were all pleased (especially the stewardess) to get off the bus. We had been told that a man from Marlon's Hostel would meet us at the bus station to pick us up and take us to his hostel. However, he didn't turn up so instead we just got a cab there. Turns out it was full, so we went down the road to another hostel, Imperial 2. It had a nice internal courtyard, but the shower was rubbish and we were in a triple room so we decided to leave the next day.
Later on in the day, we took a walk around Cusco and checked out some tour agencies in order for us to see Machu Picchu. One agency we went to spoke only Spanish so they didn't get a sale from us. The next agency had a breastfeeding lady who kept exposing her nipples and spoke English, so she got the cash. It's the little extras that count!
3. Hostal Rikchariy
The next day we checked out some other hostels. We had been warned before arriving in Cusco that is was the week of Semana Santa (Easter week) and as a consequence it would be very busy and all the hostels would have doubled their prices. In fact, every hotel we went to had spaces and in fact lowered their prices when they registered our little unimpressed faces. In the end, we moved to Hotel Rikchairy, which was a delightful little hotel overlooking a garden with hot water. Yes! Unfortunately, the rooms were bitterly cold, and some nights we regretted no taking the hostel run by an old granja with old fashioned coal braziers in the rooms.
4. City Tour
We decided to go on a city tour as we had had to pay for some tickets to get us into the sacred valley and they were also valid for some of the Incan sites around Cusco. We tried to use our Young Persons Card but the nosey travel agency kulak wouldn’t let us have student prices – That meant we had to pay an extra 5 pounds each. So as not to waste this huge expenditure we had to visit all the visitor attractions that could be accessed with this tourist ticket.
We set off at 2pm hoping the trip would be short but rumour soon reached us that it was going to be 4 hours. We regretted the decision of not visiting the bathroom. We set off and arrived at a site that was closed due to it being a holiday. With joy in our hearts we continued to the next site, Pukapukara. This was thought to be a resting place for Incan runners, passing messages between towns. Calum took the opportunity to relieve himself in one of the rooms. Lisa feeling the sexual injustice of this joy soon followed suit whilst Charlie stood guard to warn of oncoming tourists. We felt this was not desecrating the site but using it for the purpose it was originally created. There were a few locals selling things and trying to charge for taking photos of Alpacas. Charlie bought a 1 sol (15p) pottery flute and irritated the other members of the group with incessant playing, of the badly tuned instrument.
The next stop was two minutes down the road at a place where Incans got clean water, Tambomachay. It was purified through the natural limestone rock. It was here that we had to cover ourselves in large raincoats. Poor Calum had come slightly unprepared but had bought a lovely plastic poncho in Cusco. It is a very fetching shape, design and colour and is something of a kulak fashion item (please see pics.). We didn’t stay here long due to the rain and soon clambered aboard the bus and laid our coats out to dry. Next to Lisa a crazy lady was sat trying to initiate conversations with herself, she was duly ignored and criticized.
The next stop was a large complex called Saqsaywaman – of course the tour guide made the usual hideous jokes of it sounding like Sexy Woman. Anyway apparently it was the head of a puma and Cusco Town was the body. I think the Incans had a bit too much coca and probably gave rise to the first modern art style drivel. We listened to the guide for as long as humanly possible and then ran away as soon as she switched to Spanish. We attempted to interrupt as many photos as possible and discuss a rock formation in the shape of a paw (not sure this is what the Incans intended!). We wandered back to an angry looking tour guide and then were told to explore by ourselves, so we immediately ended up in a roped off area, by accident. We then got bored and were the first back down to the bus.
The sun had come out but our next stop was mainly underground. We went to the site of Q’enqo. This pronounced the same as the coffee company, Kenco, but this had non of that lovely rich aroma. Infact, it was used for mummifying the dead and for child sacrifices in an underground cave with carved rock slabs. It was in this are that Lisa filmed a short video depicting the musical variation of a 15p flute played by a trained trumpet player. During the filming the tour group had already set off. Calum had already wandered and escaped the group but we got trapped and sheepishly joined like we were there all the time. It was at this site that Yoda was first brought to our attention. This was a small kulak man with one of the typical Peruvian woolly hats with ear covers, less typical was the way it was worn. Yoda had turned up the bottom so that the ear covers stuck out at right angles to his head. The hat was green and thus completing the Yoda look. Many pictures were attempted to demonstrate the true bizarreness of this Yoda style.
We thought the tour to be over but we then headed to the large white Christ (Christo Blanco) that overlooks the city of Cusco. We only just managed to bother ourselves to get off the bus and look at the view. It was here that Yoda met Mr. Ben.
Again we were lulled into the thoughts of going back home but there was another stop at an Alpaca Textile Museum. At this point none of us could be bothered getting off the bus. We were instead treated to the highlight of the trip. Outside the museum and next to the bus were about 5 or 6 llamas/alpacas that were just moving around whilst and old crone tried to control them. The animals liked to harass each other and nibble and skip around, of and smell each others bottoms. There was one particularly funny alpaca that was smaller than all the rest. Granja had taken out a basket of snacks to try and sell to the tourists. Unfortunately the shiny wrappers only seemed to attract the small alpaca. It started over to the basket and snuffled around until Granja tapped its nose. The touch of the dirty granja made the alpaca go wild. It tossed its head, jumped sideways and flew headlong into a particularly snobbish looking alpaca. This then started a small biting war until the small alpaca retreated and started the process again by going to Granja`s basket. The whole process was repeated about three times much to the hilarity of Charlie and Lisa, who were now glad they had come on the tour. Granja then led the animals away and it was time to return home.
5. Cusco town
Cusco was a Mecca for crap. i.e. hand knitted stuff. Calum went crazy and bought everyone alpaca scarves and kulak earrings, and Charlie and Lisa both succumbed to hideous wooly hats and mittens (it is very cold here!). The town itself is very colonial and picturesque. It has many cobbled streets and huge churches and lovely parks and fountains. But it is very cold! It reminds us of Antigua.
Having nearly died in the Corn Islands due to the lack of a torch, Lisa purchased a stylish and fashionable head torch that lights either red or white. On one shopping trip, Charlie lost a bag of books. When he eventually found them at an internet café, the man had taped a big sign to them saying "I forget", causing many questions by kulaks on the street which had to be answered in Spanglish.
Lonely Planet recommended a coffee shop with the best hot chocolate called "Granja Heidi". If that is the best hot chocolate, then I'm the King of France. I have tasted better coming out of a machine in a hospital waiting room. Granja Heidi was run by an old white granjad who got very angry when Charlie interrupted him when he was talking about the menu. Ha ha ha how we laughed.
Final Thoughts: A nice town with a pleasant mixture of colonial architecture, cheap eating and expensive cafes. But the altitude made us all exhausted, especially the chick, and the temperature was a little cold without heated rooms. But we did enjoying buying lots of alpaca woolly items. We will return to Cusco in a couple of days.
Mark out of 10: 7
Next Time…… Aguas Calientes
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