17/11/10

I slept badly last night and had to keep on turning on the light as had things keep on flying at me. I got up early so took Sal for a nice long walk.

The morning started off badly but out review meeting of the previous week went well - Petros and the other staff spoke about wanting to sustain the numbers of children when I left and how they might do that. They seemed to have a lot of energy around this and it was great to see some passion and energy from them. There are staff issues here still, but that is something that really needs addressing by those permanent staff here I feel. Having stepped in once already and it going pretty badly, I wanted to avoid me being caught in the crossfire……

On my way back home I stopped at the shop and a boy / young man (maybe 18?) came over to me and introduced himself as ' 2009's TOP Banana Beauty Pageant Winner'!, he looked very proud and I smiled and congratulated him. As he walked off, his legs and then feet came into view. As they did I found a pair of shocking pink wooly slippers and socks come into view! I had to chuckle to myself J

In the afternoon I took more of a back seat with things so that the others could lead the session. Two little children who are very sweet and about 5 were fascinated with me. The girl had taken to touching my arm and leg, just putting her hand on my skin and then squeezing it lightly. She encourage the boy (he signs his name 'Khumo') to do the same. They were with me for about 30 minutes just doing this.

Later that evening when Khelina arrived she told me about a drama that she wanted to watch called 'Thokolosi'. I had seen a lot of adverts about this, it looked far too scary for me! The Thokolosi is a little creature(half animal half human) that can bring you either good luck or bad luck and which you received was dependant on whether you behaved of misbehaved. Khelina then told me a few stories that put the heeby jeebies up me and I told her that she was staying over to make me feel safer - not scared!

I spoke to Rick a 8 which was great as I had not yet spoken to him - I think I chewed his ear off though and felt a bit bad at the end of the conversation! But there was so much to tell him!

18.11.10

Yesterday I realized that I have now been here for 5 weeks! I cant believe it, I really cant. I think that the first few weeks went really slowly, but now that things are more routine like the weeks seem to be speeding by. I then became anxious that I only had around 6 weeks left… Am I making the most of things? Am I spending my time wisely? Have I achieved what I wanted to? Will I have time to? So many questions….

19.11.10

Sally ran away this morning the little b*****! She reminded me so much of Max our old dog when she did. Eventually when she decided it was probably worth her while to come back to me, I put her lead on and told her off. Definitely no walk this morning now! Worked out pretty well for me I guess as it was rainy, cold and miserable. Truly rubbish British weather!

Tapiwa and I put together the packs for the children on Saturday his time bought with both Linda and Andrews money. Thank you both J This time the biscuits were ginger and as quality controller I had to check that they were ok, they tasted much better than the lemon ones!

I got a real sense of family this morning which made me smile. Tapiwas youngest wouldn't settle so Emily took her and tied her o her back while she was doing the cleaning around the house. This so that Tapiwa could also get on with her work. Everyone really helps one another here, even if there is no health and safety here!

On arriving at TOP Banana there was a board meeting on. As I could not access the computer to update the schedule I decided to go back to the house and continue creating the cards for the craft fair. I managed to get lots done so felt like I achieved a lot when I went back after lunch.

It was another difficult afternoon, with little organization and I tried to keep my frustrations under control. I wont go into detail, but by the end of the afternoon, I was not in a very positive state at all. And glad the day was at an end.

I walked Sal and then had an early night. The video player broke so now no films either! I awoke (in what I thought was the middle of the night but turned out to be only 11pm) to loud noises coming from the end of the corridor. They sounded a bit like video games? So I walked towards the living room and as I walked past Khelinas room noticed that the noise was coming from in there! I think she must have been playing on her phone. I asked her to turn it down, and in a grump, I went back to bed.

26.11.10

This morning was great! We had what seemed to be very few children to start but as we got to 11 there were more like 100. I spent some time with the children individually today as purposely didn't want to organize things. I played 'Screwball Scramble' (a game I always wanted as a child and is a big hit with the kids over here) with a handful - trying to ensure that the quieter less dominant children got the time and space to complete it without the others pushing them away.

I played chess with one boy - he was supposed to be teaching me how to play, but ended up only telling me half of the rules and beating me very easily. I got very competitive and threw my toys out of the pram good and proper! I'm not a very good loser (as I'm sure my friends will agree!! Tee hee)

The two children that had taken an interest in my skin, did so again today and sat with me for a while. The little girl then started poking and squeezing my calf - here I think that although she was fascinated by the colour, she must also have been interested in the fat! They were both very sweet.

Later I played 'Chain Tig' with about 10 girls, something we used to play at school and took me back a few years. It was great fun and after a while, as it was so hot, I suggested us getting some water. We all walked over to the tap holding hands.

Next we gave out the bags of cheese puffs, crisps and sweets and the children tucked in happily. For a very small amount of time they were quiet……

I spent a little bit of time with my favourite little boy as he spent quite a bit of time wandering around on his own. Generally the kids are very good with him. But I still find it unbelievable how children so young are left to wander by themselves.

At the end of the morning I dropped off both Tapiwa and Thande. It was great to see where Thande lived and I learned that neither of them have electricity, using oil lamp and candles for light and they cook on wood and an open fire. Washing is done by hand and dried in the sun. It is such a simple life. When I was walking Sal that afternoon I walked past a house where a woman (the mother I presume) was cooking in a small building. Both windows open to let the smoke of the open fire outside. The scene (with children playing outside and grandmother in the garden) made a real impression on me. It was so simple and peaceful. It's so unbelievable how many material possessions we have in the western world. And what does it bring us? Can happiness be bought in that way?

My thoughts then turned to the vegetables that are grown here. Mainly from sand with some fertiliser mixed in - yet we complicate things with the various types of miracle grow, compost and fertilisers! Very basic needs and tastes.

I have been asked to help people on a few occasions, which I understand -as it appears as thought I am a rich westerner. Its still hard to tell people that you cannot help though. I would love to be able to do more than I am doing. Sometimes it just doesn't feel like I am making a difference at all and would be better if I could afford to give handfuls of money out…. When I was asked by Tapiwa I explained to her about my current situation and how long I had had to save for to get away here. She wanted to be able to build herself and family a house. She didn't want electricity, or a television, or gas, or car, or phone. Just a house, a concrete building. That's all she needed.

The rest of my afternoon was spent reading, making bread, moping around and feeling sorry for myself. I ended up going to sleep at 8pm. Hmmmm. Definitely feeling sorry for myself!

So it was Khelinas last night here and the poor thing must have got a bit of a shock! I was awoken to the cat kneading my stomach and was pretty annoyed, so got up to throw her out (not 'throw' you understand!) narrowly missing a black shape on the corridor floor. I didn't have my glasses on and came bursting through the living room door, asking Khelina to tell me what the black shape on the floor was… it turned out to be a mouse (thanks cats for yet another present). I cleared it up and with that, back to bed in yet another grump I went!

21.11.10

I gave Khelina some money for staying before she left this morning and then I set about moving all of my things from the Byrnes room to my room. I cleaned and baked a cake ready for there arrival.While I was doing so I found a small snake (really tiny and brought in by the cats). I thought it was dead, but it ended up opening up its tiny little mouth and sinking it into the tissue paper that I was using to pick it up. Poor thing, I think it must have been in a lot of pain. O I took It out and put it over the fence in he hope that the cats would no get it again and it would make a full recovery….

I eventually heard from Denise at about 6pm and she let me know that they should be back at 11pm. I am pleased as didn't fancy staying on my own.

Josie called also and I ended up crying on the phone to her, I hate doing this as I should be the one that is strong for her! It was lovely talking to her and then not long after, mum called which again was lovely.

I planned to sleep on the couch until we had a power cut and the whole village was plunged into darkness. After this I decided that my room was as good as any place to sleep - the moon was shining brightly in so it was not so dark after all. After a couple of hours I got a call to say they were nearly home so I got up to put the kettle on. I would have been such a long journey so I knew that it would be appreciated. It was so good to see hem both and I gave them both a hug and kiss. They looked tired, but happy and relaxed. The break must have done them the world of good. We had a quick chat and cuppa and then we called it a night.