Home Sweet Home

I am seriously impressed if anyone is actually reading this, as I imagine you are all far too busy camping out in the aisles at Sainsburys, frantically buying that last minute panic tat from the sale at Debenhams, stuffing yourselves with mince pies and nursing mulled wine hang-overs! 

Unsurprisingly, with Christians comprising around just 2 % of the population in India, Christmas here is a much lower-key affair. However, it hasn't entirely slipped under the radar. In the more affluent and westernised areas, shops are selling a few token decorations and some spirited folks have even put up Christmas trees. But it wasn't until I went to the cinema last night at this spanking new mall, that I was really reminded of that whole Christmas-meets-Disney World type phenomenon; you know, the flashing lights, cotton-wool snow, mechanised Santa Claus etc! And not to be all bah-humbug about it, but I can't say that I really miss that aspect of the whole business. The hard sell that starts when you are getting back from your summer hols, and the mind-numbing Christmas jingles that shops like to torture their frazzled customers with.

But perhaps that is just a little defensiveness, or is it denial, no perhaps it's rationalization (now I'm muddling my defence mechanisms, shame on me!)? Although, there is little to remind me that it is Christmas here - the weather is still pretty balmy and there isn't a mince pie or tin of Quality Street in sight - it is still going to be strange not to be home for Christmas. And I suppose it's inevitable that I find my thoughts turning more and more to what you folks are all up to. So I thought now might be quite a good time to answer the question Vicky asked me ages ago…what do I miss about England?

I have given this quite a lot of thought and it is hard to distinguish between what I miss specifically about England, and what I miss generally about being away from my home. Obviously, I dearly miss family and friends; but that would be the case if I moved to say, Runcorn (although I do hope, were I to take such a step, that someone would do the decent thing and have me sectioned!). I miss some of my routines and habits; like cereal in the morning with 'normal' milk and not the homogenized rubbish you get here. Incredibly, I miss going running and the routes I used to take through the local parks. I miss my goose down duvet - which is like sleeping suspended in a soft, warm cloud. I miss strolling along Kings Heath high street - popping into Woolies (which I was most aggrieved to hear had gone bankrupt) for a few bits n' bobs and then meeting one of my friends for a coffee and a catch up at the Kitchen Garden café. 

When I was on the road I missed cooking for myself - which I know must sound ridiculous to those of you facing the daily bind of concocting something edible out of whatever's left in the fridge. But you know what it's like when you've been eating restaurant food for a while and you start hankering after the likes of beans on toast, scrambled egg or plain old simple soup. And although, there is certainly something to be said for the element of surprise, it IS kind of nice knowing that your porridge is not going to turn out to be made with vermicelli; and that when you decide to have an omelette, it is going to be, well, an omelette, and not something resembling the contents of a pneumonia patient's sputum tray.(sorry)

I miss the security of being able to rely on my environment to be pretty safe and not constantly wondering whether it's okay to eat the skin on this apple; or if I should pick off the coriander garnish, and sanitise this cup before drinking from it? And although (touch wood) my upset stomachs have been mild, with only one requiring anti-biotics, I find my system is a bit out of sorts on an almost weekly basis.

In terms of what I miss about England itself….they are mostly things I thought I would miss. The British sense of humour and comedy, the BBC, the Guardian, decent bread, cheddar and stilton, and PUBS!!! And then some that I didn't anticipate; the concept of queuing, pedestrian crossings, clean air, litter bins, safe electrics. I also appreciate the overall tendency of cars to remain on their own side of the road and the appropriate and restrained application of the car horn. Also the great British reserve that means people actually feel inhibited about spitting, peeing, picking their nose/ears and hawking, then spitting again, in public areas (I dread to think what will happen if chewing gum becomes widespread over here!). Yes, I now believe, that these are among the things that make Britain great!

Last of all I miss anonymity. I miss getting on a bus and being ignored! Oh, to be nothing special again; to walk down the street without reducing children to tears, and grown men to tittering, hormone-crazed adolescents (which incidentally requires nothing more than having white skin and exposing a bare arm or ankle!). I miss just being one amongst many, ordinary British citizens.

And yet the ironic thing is that many of the things I do miss, are also the things that I am relishing about being here. I am loving not having a routine - never being quite sure where I will be, or what I will be doing in a few days time. I don't miss the hum-drum of the 9-5 week. I love that every time I step out of the door, it is a bit of an adventure, and that you have to keep your wits about you. Yes, the list of things I will miss about India is already a respectable size. Most of all I love that here you never quite know what will happen next; what you will see, or end up being part of, or what weird and wonderful people you might meet!....

…Almost as weird and wonderful as all of you back at home! As I said at the beginning, it's you people I miss the most. I think of my fabulous family and friends often and hope you are having a marvelous and very merry Christmas! See you all in 2009!