My first thought on arrival, having had a quick wander around: what must Ed have been thinking? Is he of the opinion that our ideal holiday day will consist of a greasy fry-up in the morning, maybe even followed by a pint of lager, steak and chips for lunch (and none of that salad garnish please waiter, can I have a few extra chips instead?), definitely with a pint of lager, a "special massage" early afternoon (I thought I'd struck gold this morning, having been quoted a thousand baht (£20) for a room at successive guesthouses, to then be given a price of three hundred, before the nice Thai lady added, with a smile and a glint in her eye, "for one hour"), a couple of new tattoos applied afterwards, and then steak and chips for dinner, lots more pints of lager, a spot of fighting with the other skinhead, tattoo plastered, vest wearing cockneys (apologies to any short-haired friends of mine from the London area, but that does seem to be typical here), and another special massage to round off the evening? Because that appears to be the type of day Phuket (appropriately named when no doubt incorrectly pronounced by most of the aforementioned fellow Brits) is designed for!

But you know what, the initial shock having subsided, in a way I like it! It's funny! No one appears to be being offended, as they're all on the same level, the Thais selling and Westerners buying, be it massage services, showgirl bars, nightclubs, Muay Thai boxing shows or whatever. And with time on my side, and therefore days spent here not really wasted, I think I'll be able to sit back and be entertained by Phuket's unashamed, in-your-face sleaze. Although "sleazy" doesn't even seem like the right word, as to me it suggests a hint of attempting to hide behind a more appropriate front. This place is just pure, condensed trash! Plus, I just had some great coffee, and scrambled eggs with mushrooms and HP sauce on toast. Westernised places do have some benefits.

Oh, and parents, yes, I know my last two blog entries haven't exactly had an abundance of full stops, but, coincidentally, it seemed better that way both times. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten how to use them.

A couple of days later, I'm now in Koh Lanta, and am happy to report that time spent in Phuket was indeed not wasted. It was entertaining on various levels, and of course it was great to hook up with Ed! It's always nice to see familiar faces just on Skype from time to time, so to have a friend actually out here in the flesh for a couple of weeks is brilliant. Friends and family being the one thing we miss about being away from home (and to be honest, the only real reason for going back - it's not the weather, food or employment opportunities that draw us back to England!), it's nice not to have to from time to time. So any other potential visitors mulling over a week or two in Asia, please let me know!

Anyway, on our single full day in Phuket, after spending the first half of the day making our plan for the remaining ten of Ed's visit, I went for a wander along the beach while Ed cancelled his credit card (having left it in the cash machine and walked away; last time I saw him in London he took his card and left the money in the machine! Technically, he is clever, though), and then we went to check out the Muay Thai boxing in the evening.

The beach was fascinating. I witnessed an incredible array of worn leather, blubber and plastic. No, not washed up on the shore, but within, around and hanging over swimming costumes. Again, utterly shameless. And so many middle aged, moustache sportingmen were standing, or rather posing, in identical postures; hands on hips, shoulders back, chins elevated, and massive bellies hanging over, and covering half of, their speedos, that eternally ridiculous beach garment, with looks of immense pride on their faces. I'm slightly bewildered, are ladies' tastes changing? I didn't stay long on the beach, one slowly strolled length was enough, despite the pleasant respite from offers of a massage on the street.

The Muay Thai boxing was very entertaining. Only to our surprise there were actually two different sports on display. The first involved the built up muscles, looks of arrogance and eyebrow furrowed hardness, strutting, posing and attempts to intimidate of some Western men (and one lady), combined with flailing arms, uncoordinated, imbalanced movement, showmanship and a complete lack of stamina. The second sport was demonstrated by small, sinewy, Thai men, rigidly and humbly observing etiquette and tradition, fully respectful of each other, who demonstrated the amazing balance, poise, lightning reactions, technique, strength and stamina of an art that the country has proudly held as part of its culture for hundreds of years. Both were entertaining in very different ways, although one particular championship match-up, the highest level we saw, naturally between two Thais, left both Ed and I open-mouthed in awe at their condition and abilities.

Incidentally, returning for a final time to the topic of massages, I've definitely been offered more of them in the last two days (on average, an offer every 30 seconds, whilst walking the streets), than in the entire previous 34 years, 9 months and 5 days of my life. Not one iota of an exaggeration. I have no idea whether the majority has been "special", standard or perhaps a menu including both, but either way, the cries of "massage, sir" were relentless, and still ring in my brain when it's quiet!