I think if the Encyclopedia Britannica had a reference for “tropical paradise”, there might just be an accompanying photograph of Koh Lipe! I gather the picture would have been of Koh Phi Phi ten years ago, but that tourist bombardment, in part thanks to its selection as a setting for the film “The Beach”, and concrete subsequently descending by the tonne, has put an end to that. And we were told, in fact, that Koh Lipe was heading in the same direction, but if so, it’s a long way off. The island is incredible, the most stunning I’ve ever seen, without question. Beaches the whitest I’ve ever seen, sand so cotton-soft it’d confuse the hell out of that thief the Andrex puppy, sea so turquoise I think they probably invented the name of the colour to describe it, and mixed up with alluring, dark shadow patterns of coral reef just below the surface. And naturally, the picture completed with coconut palms; the odd, hairy shell still lying undisturbed on the white sand beneath. And on top of all this, a fantastic scarcity of people around, who might otherwise ruin such idyllic visions. I could happily have sat there for hours, open mouthed, just staring at it all.

We’d had some thoughts of diving. Ed less inclined, Matt more so, me initially somewhere in the middle. But when it came to it, the vibe and pace of Koh Lipe just weren’t conducive to making the effort, and as it turned out, the snorkelling there was second to none, not to mention being a fraction of the price. Two quid a day, to be precise, for hire of a snorkel, mask and fins, as there was no requirement of a boat to find the best spots. We just walked in from the beach, and the water was so shallow, we could continue to do so for a couple of hundred metres and still not be fully submerged. The corals were fantastic, an amazing array of colours, forms and textures. Plus, we saw plenty of fish that had been getting us excited at a depth of fifteen metres with our scuba gear on; parrot fish, clown fish, trigger fish, a giant moray eel, a scorpion fish, plenty of puffers and trumpet fish, and numerous weaving and jerking shoals of tiny, translucent fish.

One surprise did punctuate the tropical inertia, though: the unexpected arrival of my girlfriend! Having previously emailed to tell me that she’d meet me back on the mainland a couple of days later, because the high cost of getting a boat to Koh Lipe just wasn’t worth it to only spend two days there, Paula had randomly been offered transport at a good price (strangely, by someone who she hadn’t even told she was interested in getting to Koh Lipe; she was hundreds of miles away at the time!), and grabbed the opportunity before she had chance to rationalise her way out of it again. Which, several hours later, left her on an island with me to find, but no clues as to where exactly I was. But let fate intervene once again. When I got back to my beach hut after a morning snorkelling, something compelled me to look at my barely used or checked mobile, and I noticed five missed calls. Paula was naturally the first person who came to mind, so I told Ed I’d meet him and Matt for lunch at a nearby café close to where we’d been snorkelling, but was going to check my emails first, at an internet café up on the main road. I got there, found one from Paula saying she’d arrived on Koh Lipe after all, and would wait for me at a café until midday. I looked at my watch; it was ten to, and what do you know, it was the same café, of all the cafes on the entire island, that I was about to meet Ed and Matt at. Neither of whom knew Paula, alas. So if I hadn’t gone to check my emails, I’d have run into her anyway! As chance had it, though, or perhaps not so much, those who know how effectively Paula generally leaves places on time might be thinking (I know, I know, hypocrite…), she was still there just after twelve. Sitting two yards away from Ed and Matt, at the table we usually chose, if vacant. So I introduced them, and all was well. Paula found, Ed and Matt sitting at their favourite table after all.

There aren’t many tales to tell of Koh Lipe, as we didn’t exactly stretch ourselves there. We went on an accidental bar crawl on our first night, by virtue of repeatedly getting lost and coming up with the solution of “lets just have (another) beer at this bar, and then try again”. Joined in part by an uninvited but no less enthusiastic small dog, who earned the name Hobo. He found new, improved friends at some point before we got home, though. Other than that, and the daily snorkelling outings, and given that it was so hot between about 11am and 3pm, it would have been foolish to leave the cover of shade and attempt to do much anyway, food and drink were our only other activity. And we did exceptionally well on the gluttony stakes! Namely by maximising the number of potential meals. Brunch, for example, and I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking along these lines, is typically eaten after a weekend lie-in, when a large breakfast–type meal at eleven-ish accounts for both breakfast and lunch. But we fitted brunch in between breakfast and lunch. And then Ed invented breakfast pudding, to go in between breakfast and brunch. By the end of our time on Koh Lipe, I think we’d managed to cover breakfast, breakfast pudding, brunch, lunch, lunch pudding, tea, dinner, with starter, mains and pudding, and of course supper. A fine effort, I reckon!

Matt had to leave a day before Ed, Paula and I, and his last night farewell essentially became the finale for all of us, with after effects and general heat-induced fatigue putting paid to any further celebrations between just the three of us the following night. But it was an excellent last night! For just a few quid each, we (Paula excepted) shared the most amazing seafood beach barbeque I’ve ever had, and am ever likely to have, with a delicious king mackerel, some squid, shrimps, other smaller fish, and a bowl full of cockles, all of which we struggled to fit onto the table. Following that, despite quite some inability to move, we hit a bar back near our huts for a few hours, and settled down to beers, whiskey, cocktails and the brilliant new card game (to me, at least), “hearts”, which I will be pestering other people to play from this day onwards.

And that was pretty much that, as I mentioned before, our recovery skills no longer quite being what they once were. A significant lie-in, a short boat ride to an adjacent island, and then a trek up to a viewing point, followed by a final bit of sunset snorkelling, and it was time to wave goodbye to Koh Lipe. And, pretty much, Thailand. An early night, and we were on the boat back to the mainland first thing the next morning.
Although one other brief thing comes to mind. On almost the last day, I was writing in my notebook, and Ed happened to remark “oh, is that a diary you’re keeping?”. Conclusion: I’ve been travelling for almost nine months, we’ve just spent the last ten days together, and Ed’s completely oblivious to this blog. Impressive. Ed, you look like a gorilla chewing a wasp and smell like bigfoot’s d*** (quote, Anchorman, I confess, but I like it), and clearly you’ll never know I’ve said this!