Dear Ruth, Miriam, Simone, Nic and Lisa

Thank you very much for your very generous wedding gift. You asked that we spend it on cocktails. I hope you don't mind but we ended up spending the cash on a drunken night out in Cairns instead. This involved lots of vodka, wine, beer, jaeger shots and more beer so we thought you would appreciate it.

We arrived in Cairns yesterday after quite a gruelling night flight from Bali to meet up with my sister-in-law, Chloe, who has joined us for the Aussie leg of our journey. Although Chloe is quite famous for her drinking stamina, after a severe lack of sleep, we were not expecting to have the energy for a big night out so it was a pleasant surprise to find ourselves staggering home at 3am, after having a jolly good time.

We started like all good drinking sessions in the swimming pool at our hostel with cans of diet coke laced with duty free vodka. We were told that this hostel is 'not a party hostel' which means that you cannot bring your own alcohol in nor will they sell it to you. Showing our wild and anti-establishment streak, we completely ignored them. Luckily, this is not very well enforced as by the end of the afternoon we were being considerably less subtle about sneaking the vodka into the cans. We quickly initiated Chloe into the joys of swimming pool weeing and she took to it like a duck to water. Don't worry, the swimming pool was murky enough before we got in so I don't think anyone will notice.

Despite the hostel's draconian drinking rules, it is still very nice. Our room is very plush and has its own little kitchenette. This meant that we could experience the joys of making sandwiches for dinner the first time in ages and, OMG, they were good. Maybe it is being in Asia for 2 months, but Australian bread tastes so good. I don't think the poshest bakery in the whole of the world could make bread that tasted as good as the Woolworths home brand supermarket wholemeal stuff we ate yesterday. Washing it down with some fine wine wine probably helped. I was hoping to enjoy the delicious taste of goon again after being away for so long but unfortunately we bought some good quality cask wine which just tasted like nice wine. Never mind there is alway more time to buy the cheap stuff.

Australia has quite strict drinking laws which means that you cannot be served, or let in a bar, if you show any signs of being drunk. This was a bit of a concern as we made it to our first bar of the evening, Gilligan's. To my complete joy, the reason I got refused entry was because I didn't have any ID on me. Chloe and Donna say they have never seen anyone look as happy at being refused entry as I did at being ID'd at 36. Luckily, the bar wasn't too far away from our hostel so I could pop back for my driving licence, but it did mean I missed the first round of jaegars - but hey ho I made up for it later.

We then moved onto the Irish bar because it was giving free champagne out to girls (as long as they went and collected it from the semi naked bar men). Irish pubs in Australia are interesting because they are the only Irish bars in the world that have Irish bar staff. Once again, I got threatened with being chucked out by drinking some of the girl's champagne. Apparently, it is only for the girls.

We finished the night in the Wool Shed, famous for allowing its customers to dance on the tables. This is a bar which has turned it into an institution. It has netting on the ceiling to hold onto and ledges very high up on the walls to rest your drinks. Those clever Aussies think of everything. It also seems to only employ bar maids who are happy to work only in their bras. I don't remember working in bars in Australia involving so much nudity before.

I think the important lesson that everyone took away from our night out was just how good I was at dancing on the tables. Despite being quite drunk I didn't fall off once. Well, ok maybe a little, but I was still awesome.

I remember from previous times in Cairns that whenever you go into a bar at night time they stamp your hand. These stamps are very hard to get off so most people wandering round Cairns in the daytime is sporting a handy reminder of where they went last night. I am proud to say that today we have all joined the Cairns stereotype.

So, yes, thanks again for a fantastic night out.

In other news, I think we were slightly concerned about how we would adapt to the culture shock of moving from cheap, disorganised, laid-back Asia to straight lines and rules here. So far, we have enjoyed and welcomed the change as a fresh beginning. The only thing about Oz that is causing concern is the lack of bumguns in the toilet. In Asia, we could cope with Donna's need to consume a toilet roll on average every 5-6 hours. Over here, where I need it just as much as she does, this could end in disaster. If we end up divorcing before we finish our honeymoon, I reckon it will be because of a morning when I get up to use the loo without checking to see if she has used it all up first.

Fingers crossed we survive.

Lots of love

Jim, Donna and Chloe*

* Chloe has been badgering me nonstop since arriving to ensure that any blog I write includes lots and lots of references to her so for Australia all blogs are from her as well