Dear The Grimseys

Six years ago when I was living in Wellington, I won a bet with a woman in a nightclub. She didn't believe that there was a small town on the west coast of the South Island called Barrytown and in Barrytown you could go and spend your day making your own knife. The prize for winning the bet was free coffee if I was to ever go to the coffee shop she owned in Te Aro Valley. At the time and still to this day, I have never liked coffee so it was a bit of a pointless bet to win, but I knew I was right and there is nothing better than the smug satisfaction of being right.

Although my righteous knowledge was good for winning an unwanted hot beverage, it was a bitter victory in some respects. Because I knew there was a place on the South Island called Barrytown where you could make your own knife but I had yet to visit that place or make my own knife, I was living with the realisation that my life was unfulfilled.

Six years later, I got to realise that dream and make my own knife today. Thanks to the very generous wedding gift that you gave us.

For anyone who has been reading any of these blogs, you (like me) might have got a bit bored with every single one of them starting with 'Dear so and so, thank you for buying us this and that. We really liked it'. Just the other day, I turned round to Donna and said 'I am really getting bored with writing the same beginning to the blog every time. She came up with the genius solution of starting one in a different way. So I did. Hope you don't mind.

'What would I want with a knife?' Donna was thinking before we went.

'What would you want with a knife? What would you want with a knife? What wouldn't you want with a knife?' you should be thinking. You can cut things with it and show people and say this is a knife I made all by myself and put it in your mouth and pretend to be a pirate and then cut some more things with it. The possibilities are endless. She quickly changed her mind by the end of the day, possibly because the nice man in charge said that hers was the best knife out of the entire group. 'I love my new knife,' said Donna, 'I am going to take it home and cut lots of things with it.'

But I am getting too far ahead of myself. Before you end up with your very own knife you have to go through a whole day of hard work starting by having to be there at 9.15 IN THE MORNING. Seriously? Who gets up at that time? We were very impressed that we made it there before 10, not thinking they were serious about the early start. How foolish we felt when we turned up and everyone else was already there.

Ok, so that was about the hardest work we had to do all day. They had lots of powerful tools that did all the work for you, leaving us to faff around a lot. The place was run by a very nice couple, Stephen and Robyn. They were very funny and kept making jokes like 'If you don't like your knife at the end of the day then we will stab you with it.' OR 'we don't mind if you stab each other with your knives as long as you have already paid us.' Which was a lot funnier at the time than when I try and repeat it.

They had a very smooth running operation which meant that we didn't have to do any of the difficult bits but still got to do enough to make us feel like it was our own knife. They would say things like 'oh you have done a good job, that's a really good knife, I just have to make a few touches to it which is far too boring for you ' and then they would go away and particularly remake the whole knife for you. Smooth.

To make up for the 'boring' bits, they had a whole host of other activities to keep you occupied. Like axe throwing, for example. They had a target set up and a load of axes that you could cack handedly hurl vaguely in the direction of said target. It was fun to watch all the girls throw the axes like girls, completely miss the target and then make excuses that they were not very good at throwing things because they were girls. It was also good to watch all the boys throw the axes like girls, completely miss the target and then make very serious observations about the axes not throwing straight.

They also had a giant swing. Like a normal swing but a lot bigger. It would take six people to pull a rope attached to the back of the swing as far back as possible and then let go so that the swinger soared through the air making noises like 'Weeeeee'. That's my kind of adrenaline sport, exciting but not enough that you would poop yourself.

And a table football, which was very warped with rain and age which is why I lost so badly. And a hoopla which was very unwarped with rain and age, more or less in perfect condition, which I managed to get right first time.

Even the lunch break was fun because they had two little ponies, both of whom were called Cody for some reason, that we all took for a walk. They might have been Shetland ponies but I am not an expert on miniature horsey things so I couldn't say for sure. They may have been small but they were very very strong as I found out when the one that I was holding decided he had had enough of standing around eating buttercups and went for a run. Trying to hold onto a running shetland pony is the closest thing to flying that I experienced today. If you have ever run down a steep hill far too fast so you feel like you're moving faster than your legs will carry you then you know what I mean. Well actually, thinking about it, maybe the giant swing was closer to flying but holding onto the shetland pony was definitely a close second.

The day was topped off with a round of champagne for everyone to celebrate the wonderful knives we had all made. Even if none of them were as good as the one that Donna made we were all happy and smiley. Although Champagne wouldn't have been good enough for this day, so instead we were served their very own home brand version of the stuff called Barrypagne (named after Barrytown. You see what they did there?). A brand of sparkling wine where they took the cheapest wine possible that they could find and put it through a sodastream. Simple but clever.

As the day came to a close, you could look around the group, everyone happy and smiling, like small children at Christmas time and you could wonder which was the more prevalent thought. Was it 'I have had so much fun making my very own knife today' or was it 'this Barrypagne stuff tastes really good, maybe I should buy a sodastream when I get home'. You'll never know.

Lots of love

Jim and Donna

PS We have been doing lots of other cool stuff since the last blog, like going to visit a glacier and having a proper date night and visiting officially the coolest little town in New Zealand and going on a treetop walkway where we got to see lots of cool trees and lots of other things. I wanted to write about them in this blog but the knifemaking was so good it took up the entire blog so unfortunately they are have all been missed out.

INTERESTING KIWI FACT OF THE DAY

90% of all 'Interesting kiwi fact of the day's are made up on the spot and do not have a single grain of truth in them. There are 10% that are not. This interesting kiwi fact of the day falls into the majority category so is completely made up.