With upwards of 30,000 Russian troops amassed at their eastern border, I had the opportunity to - for lack of a better word - interview Dennis and Krystina, a young couple from eastern Ukraine. Before deciding to write what is below I asked Dennis if he was alright with it, thinking that the two of them might be among the first to be hung by their heels in the hometown square of Kharkiv, almost walking distance to the Russian border. Dennis told me that he had no problem with it. Still, I was nervous, and wanted him and Krystina to give my words their blessing before sending it out. So I sent them a draft for comment and Dennis replied. Some of his more interesting comments are in brackets under my text:  
 
Elenka and I were sitting at a table in the dive shop waiting to embark on a three night live-aboard diving adventure when an unhappy looking young couple came and sat across from us. After brief introductions I asked where they were from.
"Ukraine." the young man growled. Our country is about to become the first republic of the new Soviet Union."  

Because of poor network connections Elenka and I have not been able to get any meaningful world news. Elenka brought up the Crimean situation.
"That is old news." Dennis said. "They are mounting forces on the eastern border, where Krystina and I live."
 
Two nights later, after a day of diving, everyone sat on the top deck of the boat exchanging stories of their submariner adventures, while drinking copious amounts of Chang beer. I approached the Ukrainians again and asked why the Russians want to invade eastern Ukraine.
"The Russians build tanks. Our city builds the guns that fit on the tanks. We also build turbine engines for their aircraft. There are many similar situations in eastern Ukraine. We have few armed forces, so it is much easier for them to take our country than to take our factories.”
Then he dropped the bomb-shell. "Krystina and I are ethnic Russian. Her Ukrainian isn't even very good.”
"You were both born in Ukraine and you don't speak the language fluently?" I said, looking at the tall red-headed Krystina. 
"I am smarter than Krystina," Dennis said, just before getting a hefty kick on the arse. "I speak the language, very well, I might add. Many people in the east do not speak Ukrainian. But that is our business. It doesn't give Russia the right to move in, make us theirs. Even though my ancestry is Russian, I was born in Ukraine, I live in Ukraine and I want to die in Ukraine."
"We want the Russians to f*** off," Krystina jumped in.
"OK." I said, with a pause, then continued, "What is the percentage of ethnic Russians in eastern Ukraine?" 
"I believe that two years ago the census reported 30 percent. Twelve years ago, I think it was 50 percent," Dennis said. 
"How is that possible?" I asked.
"Social unrest. Ethnicity changes like the wind where we live. There was another poll taken that is far more indicative. The government asked everyone to list their first language. Ninety-nine percent of the people in the east listed Russian as their main language."   
"What language do you most speak?" I asked.
"Half and half," he paused for a moment watching my flabbergasted look, then continued, "depends on who I want to piss-off." Often angry, sometimes with the biggest smile, Dennis has an edgy, very wry sense of humour that he exposes at least once during every 10 or 12 sentences.  
Krystina and Dennis are both cultured and educated. She went on to say that ever since the fall of the Iron Curtain, Russia has been spreading propaganda about western Ukraine, and for that matter all of Europe. The easterners have been taught that the west is filled with terrorists, thieves and homosexuals. She said that many people are deathly afraid at the thought of ever having to go to western Ukraine, let alone to nasty Western Europe. And that many Ukrainians want to join the EU, but thanks to the Russians, everyone is afraid that a married gay couple with bombs and guns might move in next door.
I could see Dennis laughing and shaking his head at the absurdity. "Who the f*** cares about who marries who, when doctors, teachers and coal miners make roughly the equivalent of 150 Euros a month. I would sooner have prosperous lesbian doctors living on one side of my house and wealthy gay engineers living on the other side, than have the 'to each according to his ability, to each according to his need', s***, that Russia will bring.”

Glossary: afaik - as far as I know         ffs - for f%&*'s sake                 lulz - laugh out loud - plural
 
                                    ...
 
Approximately 90 percent of the 2004 Thailand tsunami fatalities occurred in the area where Elenka and I presently are. Not two-hundred metres from our guesthouse, police boat #813 was patrolling the shores, guarding members of the Thai royal family when the wave came rolling in. The deathly swell picked up boat #813 - its only name now - and carried it almost two kilometres inland. The boat is thirty or more metres in length and it still sits where the wave left it. It's now surrounded by a tsunami memorial. In the photo, that's me standing near the front of #813.