We've finally arrived in Miami and are sitting in our hostel after suffering the terrible pain of US immigration which lasted for 3 hours altogether. We were so bored that we developed 7 theories why it was so chaotic.

1. Middle Eastern terrorists have weaker legs than the rest of us so they stand you in line for over an hour to see who falls over.

2. To create jobs for 5 people where one clear sign saying "U.S. < > NON U.S." would have sufficed.

3. After standing in line for too long you are forced to buy their food and water since lunch was hours ago.

4. There were straight queues, spirals, zig zags and T-junctions which might have been devised simply to amuse a bored CCTV operator watching from above.

5. The island of Jersey does not exist on the CIA world factbook map and if it ain't there then it don't exist despite the pleas of its residents.

6. The immigration officers questions are too difficult and take a long time to answer i.e. "In 2 years time Sandra will be double the age she was 5 years ago, does this make you a terrorist?"

7. There is an agreement with the Taxi people and you're so tired and fed up by the time you get through that you will pay any money just to get to your hostel without looking for buses (checked and proven).

Despite all our preconceptions the cruise was fantastic and we met some great people and had a lot of fun. We were wined and dined and generally spoilt rotten. We would recommend this type of holiday to anyone.