Get on the Bus
20 Hints and tips for fun times in the world's fun capital
Aka Northern Chile

1. Select a reliable vehicle
Bus breakdown in Santiago. This is becoming an unwelcome trend. 3 of our last 4 journeys have suffered mechanical breakdown. Our tour guide, Rodrigo, is surprised that we laugh when he delivers the bad news. But yes, "this is Latin America and s*** happens".

2. Select a knowledgable and informative local to show you the ropes
Rodrigo and our bus driver Pedro have identified the engine problem. They don't have the words in English to explain but the good news is that it's fixed. So instead of switching to a fully functional vehicle as originally planned, we head deep into the Atacama desert with this old faithful one.

3. Be adventurous in your eating choices
Lunch stop at seaside town Pichidangui. I order the national dish of "Machas a la Parmesan" thinking that anything covered in Parmesan would taste ok. Have now discovered that shiny slimy pink clams are just not my thing.

4. Dress appropriately
City tour of La Serena. Nick can not resist buying an alpaca wool jumper any longer and has not taken it off since. This is a shame since he looks like a gringo tourist.

5. Avoid flea pit hostels
Nomades Hostel - Coquimbo. We both agree that 1 night was enough.

6. Appreciate the sea life
Punto Choros- another tiny seaside town where we jump on a 2 hour boat ride to Isla Damas. Isla Damas is a protected island full of cute humbolt penguins, very smelly sea lions and various Cormorants. On the way, our little boat is completely surrounded by hundreds of bottle nose dolphins and seals, jumping out of the water and playing in the spray from the boat. Absolutely incredible.

7. Make new friends
Arrive at camping ground Bahia Inglesia. Rodrigo makes us really tasty Choripan sausages with Criole sauce. We consume loads of Chilean Sauvignon blanc and stay up late chatting with the rest of the group - Tom (USA), Tim (Canada), Teresa and Alina (Germany), Matt (uk), Ola (Poland).

8. Recharge the batteries
A late lie in is most appreciated. We visit Caldera. This is a port serving the main mining towns, where we have fresh seafood. The clams are literally still clapping in their shells before nick squeezes lime over one and swallows it whole. I opt out this time.

9. Respect your elders
The group puts a kitty together and heads to the supermarket to get stuff for a massive braai later on. There is an ancient little lady selling empanadas. She tells off anyone who buys after midday. "Next time you must come earlier. They are cold now. Come before 12 and they are nice and warm." Yes mam!

10. The health of the driver is paramount
At the braai, Pedro only eats meat. If we offer him a beer/salad/rice he smiles and says "solo carne". The pork ribs and steak in particular are lovely so I understand why.

11. Know your limits
For once its Rodrigo holding the group up rather than us being late. I think that a heavy mix of peach punch, lager, pisco sour and red wine doesn't agree with him. But he's in great spirits as we head towards our first stop. Today we will cross the driest part of the Atacama Desert as we head north towards Antofagasta.
Lunch at a trukkers stop. For the equivalent of £4 we get a very hearty three course meal

12. Respect the dead.
In the middle of nowhere we pull up to a ghost town graveyard. Oficina Chile was once a nitrate mining village but around 1920 the whole town was completely evacuated when artificial synthesis of nitrates was invented. There is only one dead tree stump which marks where the town square stood. All roads, buildings, walls, absolutely everything is gone, except for the cemetery. There are no paths and sometimes you have to walk over the raised ground of the grave.

13. Appreciate public art
The Hand of the Desert sculpture. A submerged concrete giant claws towards freedom?
Then we watch the sun set over La Portera near Antofagasta.

14. Repeat a winning formula
Dinner is in a market. BYOB. We duplicate the same meal as lunchtime- almost course by course actually. I've heard of having a national dish, but a national 3 course menu?

15. Mourn the passing of the golden age of steam and (erm) Saltpeter mining.
Bacquedano train cemetery. Yeah it's turning out to be quite a morbid few days... Steam engines from the 1930's slowly decaying in the desert. Looks like a set from an old western film. There are only the ten of us and a couple of stray dogs lying in the old train tracks. The metal is preserved in state by an atmosphere almost totally free of moisture. The only sound, the occasional crack of expanding or contracting metal baking in the sun. There is no wind.

16. Sun protection essential
On the edge of the Remaco mountain range we stop to observe Atacama salt flats in the valley below. There is an optional swim in quite a gross pool in an oasis town. Everyone opts out except for Tim. Then there is a debate with the owner about how much we should pay. Not sure us jumping the fence helped rodrigo's argument...

17. Get some rest
We travel to a salt lake where it is possible to float like the Dead Sea. It is not possible to swim since your feet won't stay in the water.

18. Stay warm
We visit the El Tatio geysers at sunrise- it's freezing. We eat llama kebabs to help the warm up process.

19. Try everything (once)
At San Pedro de Atacama we try sandboarding. It is slower than skiing and there are no ski lifts. The sun is baking. It is hard work. Nick says it is a bit like snowboarding, but worse. We won't need to do this again!

20. Know your limits
At the Valley of the moon we climb through strange rock formations and wait for the moon to rise. I have my second backlash against the previous nights pisco sour binge. Have now self disgnosed myself with an allergy.