I've got no idea of the day or the time but i'm pretty sure i'm now in another country. I guess i should finish off LA first. My current state all started on errr possibly sunday with a comedy night and Mexican drinks, the rounds generally went Corona corona tequila corona, repeatedly until i stumbled back to my room and had some kip. Woke early monday morning having set my alarm rather too enthusiastically, and packed. Even though i havent bought anything i seem to have accumulated an amass of crap making my backpack look like a body bag for the Michelin Man. I went on a tour around Beverly Hills and Bel Air, though there were no yellow taxi's with dice in the rear. In fact its a bit like being in The Burbs, everything is clinical and immaculate. Saw a few of the mansions and Mr Danny DeVito did a u-turn when he realised we were stood at the bottom of his drive. Went to Rodeo drive and gawped at the $500,000 cars, they're freaking amazing. i think i love LA.

At LAX that night i saw some massively obese people and it restored my faith in the US as a fat nation. The disabled toilet must have been 15ft squared, i thought it'd be fun to use it. I was wrong. Happily peeing away i realised the door had unlocked itself and swung open, exposing me to a captive audience. After scuttling away, looping duty free and stocking up on Jolly Ranchers I settled myself at the bar with my friend Margarita.

The flight was a turbulent one and crossed too many time zones for my liking. Got in this morning, its wednesday now i think, but feel so strange, like drunk with altitude sickness and throw in a bit of narcolepsy for good measure too. First impressions of Auckland are not too great: spied 5 dreadlocked heads and a worryingly high number of people wearing Crocs. Get me out of this place.