September 25th-28th

So after a holding on for dear life on our trip to Koh Phangnan pier in the back of a Mitsubishi, we boarded the boat and headed for Koh Samui, the largest of the islands. We had again used the brilliance of the internet to prebook accommodation. This time at a hotel called Hakuna Matata, it means no worries, that's if you're a Disney character.

So after getting off the boat, we got a cheap taxi to the other side of the island, the first of our worries. The taxi driver dropped us off at the end of a very busy strip of pubs/restaurants and indicated that it was a one way street and he couldn't take us any further but our hotel was only '5 minutes' up the road.

He lied!!!!! and why wouldn't he, there is a place in hell especially reserved for taxi drivers. Every taxi driver ever encountered is a liar or a rip off merchant, or sometimes both, even on the other side of the world. Our '5 minutes' was in fact the whole length of the road, around 5km!!!!!!! Every so often Mel would pipe up saying "I knew I should have got a suitcase with wheels like Helen said" Declan would then think ' I'm carrying half your stuff, the 27 travel books and both computers!!!!' We both were getting very irritated carrying our bags up a one way street with the countless taxi drivers asking if we wanted a lift, stubbornly Declan would say 'it can't be much further' although it really was. We eventually stopped at a travel shop and a very informative woman rang our hotel to find where it was. She then informed us it was only another 10 minutes up the road. Hahahahahaha a Thai person had once again given us a time frame, so why were we shocked when we after 20 minutes we finally arrived at our worry free hotel.

We milled around after dropping off our bags and cheered ourselves up by getting a double cheese burger at McDonalds. We got a drink and procrastinated while taking on some vital supplies, e.g. sun cream!! Neither of us was hungry but we decided around 9pm that we should eat as we had only had a Maccys. After the longest walk ever we thought we would just eat at our hotel. We ordered simple Thai food, Dec- chicken fried rice, Mel- Pad Thai. Mel's pad Thai, a chicken based food came out with a solitary shrimp inside which put her off the rest off her dinner, Declan had no such problems. When we finished the owner came over and apologised profusely about the food and offered us a free dessert. She then added insult to injury by bringing out a pancake, I know what you're thinking, you can't go wrong with a pancake! She did, it tasted horrible and for some bizarre reason she had filled it with salt!!!

The next day we asked about a pool we could go and use along the beachfront. Our very helpful poison chef told us about a resort a quick '5 minutes away' there they go again, lying straight to our faces. Nearly an hour later we found a lovely pool we could use for the price of a sandwich. We relaxed and sunbathed. That night the inevitable happened and Declan was burned, not all over, just his arms. Same spot on both arms as he had forgotten to use any factor 50 on them.

The following day we embarked on a tour of the island. The tour was 'cultural' and included a trip to a few places of worship. One for Buddhists, the other for the Chinese. The statues didn't have the same finesse as the others from Bangkok, it almost seemed like they built them for tourists to visit!?! The one religious site however did have a school attached and the money went to helping fund the children's education. Another of the sites had a few random mermaid statues which made for a comical photo or two (see album).

The tour continued to take us to random sites dotted on the island. One such place was the Grandmother and Grandfather rocks. These rocks were basically shaped like genitalia!!!!! Again they made for a comical photo. The tour guide told a love story about two elders meeting etc but she knew full well that what tourists want to see is a rock shaped penis!!

Back into the van and again off on a little trip. The van itself provided a sneaky snigger as an Australian lady kept smacking her head off the telly attached to the roof. We were then taken to see a mummified monk. The monk, Loung Pordaeng (educational as always) has been on display for over 30 years inside a sealed glass box adopting the lotus position. Luckily he had a pair of fake ray bans over his eyes so children didn't have nightmares. The temple also had a 'live and kicking' monk churning out blessings. For a small fee he would provide a bracelet and bless people wishing them safety and good health throughout there travels. We obviously both indulged!!!!!

As with all tours or treks in Thailand we made the obligatory stop off at a waterfall. There are two waterfalls on Koh Samui inspirationally named, waterfall 1 and waterfall 2, we visited the latter. We didn't actually make it to the largest section of the waterfall as after a mini trek through the jungle we stopped off at a shop!! Yes a shop, with chairs and a fully stocked fridge in the arse end of nowhere. The women said that 'the waterfall was only 1 more minute away' up some shabbily fashioned steps. We trekked on; 10 minutes later and still no waterfall it began to rain so we ended our expedition to go look and a baby elephant (see video).

The final stop was a monkey show!!! The guide explained that a person would struggle to climb palm trees and get all the coconuts off safely. So on a coconut farm (bet you didn't think they had farms for coconuts) they have trained monkeys to do this for them. The monkeys are obviously quick at climbing the trees but they can also tell if the coconut is ripe enough to be picked. We watched as the monkey would tap the nut with his feet and then spin it around and drop it into a basin at the foot of the tree!! The guide explained how a monkey could pick 400 coconuts a day, and I reckon it had no interest in a pension or hourly wage!! We then got an opportunity to have a photo, we obliged (see photo).

Last stop was a market; we got a doughnut each from none other than TESCO's!!!!!

Next stop Phuket!!