3 Blowholes, A Heli-Hike and A Skydive

So were finally in Franz Josef after a harrowing half hour with Melanie at the wheel. On our drive into town we stopped off at the Helicopter shop and confirmed our trip for the following day. While finding a campsite we drove past the heliport and spotted about 5 choppers taking off and landing. That'll be us tomorrow we thought.

Tomorrow became today and we geared up for our heli-hike. For those that don't know what a heli-hike is let me explain. You fly off in a helicopter to the top of a Glacier, the helicopter drops you off, you go hiking for a while and then the helicopter comes and picks you up.

We got to the office ridiculously early as usual and watched as at least 3 other groups came and went. We were lucky though, the other groups were quite large and distinctively French/German/Chinese, a unique combination that we didn't fancy being party too. Our group was more of a unit and comprised of a Scottish girl who lived in Franz and a couple from Surrey touring the island in a camper. We were introduced to our Glacier guide, Matt the Yank from Alaska who had god awful teeth and we headed off across town to the heliport.

Once at the port we were suited and booted in Glacial hiking gear, complete with thermal socks, trousers and a jacket, we then clambered into the heaviest hiking boots known to man and were handed a bum bag. The bum bag contained our crampons, which are like mini ice picks for our boots. We ran through some safety tips for the helicopter and then without any further ado we were walking across the airfield with heads down to avoid the blades, and into our 'bird'. There wasn't really any ceremony with getting into the chopper, Mel asked if she could sit next to Declan and was flatly refused and we just climbed on in. Declan was once again in the back as with all our air bound trips, Mel was up front knocking knees with the pilot.

The flight was amazing, neither of us had flown in a helicopter before and it's definitely worth doing. The best way to describe it is,a mix between the speed and velocity of a roller coaster but with the containment of a cable car ride. You never really feel like you're doing the speed you are, it's not a white knuckle ride but then it's no bed of roses either. Our unknown flight path had us heading straight towards the side of a mountain, at the last minute the pilot pulled on the throttle and we levitated straight up. Upon clearing the mountain the helicopter was then in open air, with the ground disappearing the helicopter was trying to fall back to earth so the pilot compensated by increasing the power. As Top Gear aficionados will know, with Power comes Speed!!!! The pilot started banking into the nearest mountain side with real venom. Melanie's new pal Jules now felt the vicious Shrive grip on her arm (she would later need hospital treatment). Griffins in the back with Keith the French teacher from Surrey, both are loving the ride but Keith's face is a little too close to Declan's as both are gleefully pressed against the helicopter window. Lay off the coffee Keith!!

Back to the flight. Mel's tension eased and she really started to enjoy the ride. The pilot was now heading straight for the largest green mountain in the range. After going over it with gusto the helicopter dropped a few feet sending us all into a state of joy/panic, which is very similar to that brilliant feeling you get when you drive over a small bridge to fast. The power increased again and we dipped to get some momentum. The pilot was weaving his way into the mountain range and the ground was steadily moving from rainforest to snow topped bluffs. When all the green had disappeared we were faced with the gleaming blue hue of the Glacier. As we came up upon its edge we could see the transition it was making from Glacier to Ice River. We continued our flight over its glisteningly bright surface and made our way up the valley towards our hike spot. As the Glacier is 'moving' all day every day, the flight through the glacial valley was brilliant. The glacier had made that valley, and not over millions of years ago like most geological occurrences, it had shaped that valley we were in continually over the last 100 years, and even more dramatically over the last 5 years. As we approached our landing zone we were faced with a huge barren rockscape, dead centre in the glacier. Known as the 'Black Hole' and the size of 10 football fields it's been getting wider by a meter every year. To understand how much this glacier changes, the thing wasn't even there in 2008. We landed about 2km from the Black hole as it's so unstable no one is allowed within a few hundred meters of it. Back to the glacier, to grasp a clue of its size, the 'black hole' was the size of a smartie on a piece of A4, it was fooking colossal. After touching down and jumping out of our chopper we had some work to do. Breaking open our 1980s Bum bags we attached our ice pick shoes to our boots. Off went our bird and we were left totally alone on the Glacier, miles from town, with nothing but our wits for survival........ And our hiking guide........and the backup guide in front of him checking the ice............and his GPS radio....... and emergency rations... Yeah we were pretty safe to be honest!

Our hike started at a fair pace and we gradually headed higher up the Glacier. Every so often Matt would stop and tell us something rather interesting about the ice or point something out that we hadn't seen. It was a strange hike because even though we were on a massive ice block, the sun was beaming down on us and if anything we were hot. The ice below us was clearly feeling the heat as well as small streams cover the entire surface. These little streams pool up and begin drilling through the ice to form ice wells, they have a technical name if you're interested, they are called mulans .Mulans come in varying sizes and depend on the amount of melt water. The larger ones though go deep into the ice, about 70 meters and eventually find their way all the way to the end of the Glacier and into the river. People have fallen down mulans and never got out so when we came across these things we gave a wide birth. About halfway through our hike we stumbled upon an ice cave and clambered on in to have a look. The entire cave was about the size of a shed and it was slick to the touch. Inside the cave were columns of denser ice that hadn't been melted and these obviously helped support the 'ice roof' above us. Just up from the cave we came across a small ice waterfall and as we had been hiking for a while we all stopped to have a drink. Clearly the water was freezing cold but it tasted good, we filled our bottles and off we went. Matt now started taking us towards the black hole so we could get a scope of how big it was. As he did we heard a rumbling from its centre. As quick as a flash we caught sight of a rock slide. The rock slide came from the middle of the rock face and we watched as large boulders came tumbling down the mountain. The black hole often has rock slides as the melt water from the glacier above seeps into all the cracks and expands in the heat. After getting the nod from the nameless mountain guy about 300 meters in front of us we carried on.

Along the hike back towards the helicopter we came upon a large sloping ice hole that we could either go around or through. We all decided to go through. After Matt set up a role for us to hold we all took it in turns to look like bambi on ice. Mel went down first and took the cautious route so she wouldn't slide too quickly. She made it down in good time and totally uninjured. Declan came up next and thinking that Melanie had been too cautious, went at it like a bull in a china shop. The end result was a quicker than he expected slide down through the hole. Although he looked like he was doing it like a pro he did in fact land on his arse and style it out.

Avalanches are common in the glacier valley as the contracting and expanding ice are constantly on the move as the day turns to night. By the time we arrived back after our hike we were all slightly annoyed we didn't get to see one. Now we did get to see a rock slide and we had all made it back alive so we were still grateful, but an avalanche would have been the icing on the cake. Back at the heliport we had a nice break and were taking off our ice pick boots waiting for the chopper to take us back. Matt had started telling us his views on global warming and one of the Maori legends associated with the glacier. All of a sudden we heard the cracks and the crashes. Everyone turned towards the blackhole, assuming it was another rock slide but no. Just beside the black hole a large sheet of ice/snow had broken off and was hurtling down the mountainside. The ice was getting faster and faster and no one knew what to do. We quickly turned to Matt who had froze like, well like a Snowman. He looked at us with vacant eyes and slowly gulped to break the silence. The radio in his bag began to crackle and we could see no sign of the other guide high in the mountains. The whirling of the helicopter could be heard in the distance but we all knew it was too far to help us now. Turning back towards the avalanche we could see the headline being written in tomorrow's paper.

"Cucumbers in Franz Josep £5.99"

Yeah like we said earlier, the glacier was absolutely massive. There wasn't a chance in hell of the avalanche hitting us as we were about 5km from where it happened. We did get a great view of it though.

Mel once again got the front seat for the chopper ride back and this time didn't injure anyone's arms. In fact she managed to take a video of all the action. The ride back was just as good as the ride there and after being firmly back on solid ground we all decided to take ourselves to 'the landing' for a nice spot of lunch. For the rest of the day we decided to take ourselves off on one of the scenic walks through the rainforest. Our walk eventually took us out towards the bottom of the glacier and the river mouth. The entire time we walked towards the glacier we kept nudging each other saying 'we were up there'. The view from the bottom was nowhere near as good as the view from the top. If you ever go to Franz, make sure you do a heli-hike. I'd make it in the next few years though, it was melting pretty fast!!!

The following day was D-day for one of our intrepid travellers. The culmination of an entire life's experiences had been leading up to this point. Declan was going Skydiving.

Many people go skydiving it's an adrenaline fix sought the world over. There are some spectacular places to do this event from, on nearly all the worlds' continents. Many jump from 15000ft happy in the knowledge they have achieved something many others simply wouldn't do. Declan doesn't do things by halves!!!!!

1800ft, the world's highest, over probably the best terrain imaginable!!!!!

18000ft translates to 75 seconds of freefall; a staggering 30 seconds longer than most people dare to fall. It's so high, that during the flight up, oxygen is provided because there isn't much up there to breathe. Any higher up and you'd be in Space!!!!! Well you wouldn't but I'm trying to be overly dramatic!

Anyway, the day started like any other, it was a bright morning in Franz and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. It was 6:30am but it had to be, Declan likes getting s*** done before breakfast!!! We headed off to the skydive office and met up with all the instructors and the two other people that were diving. The other 2 were a couple from Sweden that seriously looked like Benny and Angetha from 70s Supergroup ABBA!!! The resemblance was uncanny and they shall now be known by these names as we have forgotten their real ones. Benny was a veteran jumper and had persuaded Angetha to jump. By veteran we mean he had survived his first jump. Angetha was slightly nervous but on the whole we were all more excited than scared. After a short trip out to the airfield, s***......Got........Real!!!!

We were weighed and given our jumpsuits. Now this might be lost on some but the sight of Benny and Angetha in red, white and black jumpsuits, talking all Swedish and being all happy seriously was reassuring that nothing could go wrong. How could it? What sort of company would want to be responsible for killing 2 members of an ABBA tribute band? All suited up and ready to go our instructors came over to harness us up. Declan got paired with Zack, Benny got a guy that looked like 'Duffman' and Angetha got a tiny guy that doubled as Randolph from 'FreeWilly'. Zack was by far the best of all the instructors, I didn't even hear the other 2 talk to theirs the whole time. Zach made sure everything was nice a tight and was just a nice bloke to boot. Along then came Declan's awkward video guy, who asked daft questions in a really weird voice, seriously hope it wasn't his real voice or that guy will never get a girlfriend. Camera segments done, possessions signed over to Mel, and off towards the plane. On the walk to the plane Declan noticed he only had one glove and had to go back for the other. This small mistake meant he was the last jumper on the plane which then means he's the first jumper out the plane!!!!! Zack decided that right behind the whirling engine on the airfield was the best place to explain the procedure for jumping. Another blessing in disguise as Declan didn't hear a word of it. The small plane only had three seats, the pilot had one, and then Benny and Duffman squeezed on the other with Angetha and Randolph having the third. That left Declan squashed on the floor in-between Zack's legs with the camera guy squashing up between Dec's legs.

The flight up towards the Drop zone was amazing. The views stretched out for miles all around. Zack was pointing out everything from the surrounding area. From the air we could see, The Cook Mountains (NZ's Highest) all three glaciers, Franz (the one we Heli-hiked) and Fox(the one we drove past with no petrol), and the Tasman (which we had hiked to on one of our first days in NZ over a week ago). Past the Glaciers and the Mountains Zack pointed out numerous lakes that over our time we had driven past, rivers by the bucket load and rainforest all the way in-between, holding it all together was the coastal view of the East of New Zealand and the far off land of Oz.

Now if that's not the best terrain imaginable.....then what is??!!

Our 20 minute flight was coming to an end and after a quick glance at Zack's altimeter it was nearing the 18000 foot mark. Zack clipped Declan to the front of him and double checked all the zips and locks. "Declan" he roared over the engine. "Give me a hip thrust......thrust your business to the roof!!!" After obliging, Zack gave the thumbs up that we were locked and loaded. No turning back now!!!

The door slid open and the camera guy shuffled out and propped himself in the strut of the wing. Now this is the part where Declan should have known what to do because Zack explained it before we got in. Declan couldn't hear/wasn't listening on the ground and thought he'd just go with the flow.

He swung his legs out of the plane and Zack did the same. All going well so far.

He shimmied into position and dropped his feet off the ledge. Another thumb up from Zack.

He looked down into his impending doom!!!!!!

Transfixed by the sight on the ground, he hadn't noticed that Zack had started rocking. On the second rock something triggered in his head that there might be a third one.

Guess what.

On the third rock backwards Declan and Zack left the plane behind and started there 160kph plummet.

Cant tell you anymore, Declan passed out!!!

Nooooooooooooo he didn't really. The trip down was amazing. After a few flips over Zack settled us into the fall and pulled the tiny mini-chute to halt the near 170kg falling through the air. Then came the camera guy, he finally caught us up and started falling past us then flying above us to capture all the happenings in the air. Roughly 15 seconds in it dawned on Declan that he had another minute of freefalling. This isn't long and he made the most of it by striking various poses for the camera guy while Zach spun him round and round for a while. What was shocking was the feeling. The wind is smacking into your face at 100mph and it's surprisingly cold considering it was a hot day. But the feeling is just all good. It's weird that there doesn't seem anything wrong with hurtling towards the ground. Just when it all starts to seem normal a loud beep starts on Zach's watch and it's time to pull the cord. Now this is the point that everyone tenses up. Alex Ferguson would call it squeaky bum time. You hold your breath and hope. Nothing can help you if it doesn't come out (aside from the backup chute). With a massive tug we decelerate from 160kph to about 40. This is the point that you wish you could do it all again and ask for the straps to not be so tight!!! If you get what I'm saying!

Now comes the 10 minute glide across the glorious countryside towards the landing field. Zach being the pro he is allowed Declan to pull the cords and send us into some spiralling falls. Left and right we zigzagged through the sky getting ever closer to the field. One last big pull on both to straighten us up and down we came. With Zack being about 6ft7 we couldn't do a running landing and not break something. So with one last mega groin thrust to the sky we skidded across the field and came to a stop.

Not a bad day's work considering it wasn't even 8:30am.

Declan spent the entire day telling Mel about the whole thing while she drove (like a normal person) to our next port of call.

During our last two days in the South we mainly milled about in the campervan looking at lots of lovely scenery. Along the route we came across the weird and wonderful Pancake Rocks. These rocks are an odd phenomenon where by the rocks look like stacks of Pancakes. These rocks are located in Blowhole bay, a place where the bizarre rocks and viscous ocean combine to hollow out the cliff face and cause blowholes. Now it isn't really called Blowhole Bay but it should be just for the craic. The blowholes were pretty intense and some rise up to about 20ft in the air. The sound of the waves crashing against the rocks is almost deafening then after a few seconds wait the seawater shoots out the cracks in the surface to cover everyone with water.

Our last stop in the north was at the port town of Picton. Having made great time we went off towards the town on a little walk. The stroll into town took about 5 minutes but in that time we past 6 churches, yes 6 CHURCHES!!!! Fearful that we had stumbled upon the most religious town in the whole world we walked with caution down towards the mariner. Wow we were shocked, Picton was absolutely lovely. The quintessential seaside town, it had everything and then some. The playground along the esplanade was a giant wooden ship. Needless to say Melanie had to be dragged from it kicking and screaming after insisting we camped out in it. We then found a little coastal walk up to a place called Bob's bay. The walk to Bob's bay was rugged and included some huffing and puffing. The swelteringly hot day was the perfect time for us to have not brought any water with us. Down in Bob's bay we caught some afternoon rays while we got our breath back.

We went to bed very happy that night knowing we had down everything there was to do in the South island. It had taken us 2500miles of driving all around the island but it was worth it. Now on to conquer the violent volcanic north island.

Onwards and upwards!!!