Ready for the Olympics ?

I am at the top of my game, my body is like a fine tuned machine...............

Kota Kinabalu, Northern Borneo13-17 June

Happy to be finally leaving Malaysia, i landed in the town of Kota Kinabalu in Borneo. It is a lot different to the mainland, it has bars and clubs, and you can actually see what the girls faces look like.

I met a guy called Matt from Canada at the airport, and he became my partner in crime for the days to follow.

We went straight out on the town as soon as we got there, and then the next thing i know it is 5am in the morning, and Matt is getting shouted at by the people in the hostel for trying to get a girl on to his top bunk of our room with 8 people in it...ha ha

Ooh i was rough the next day. It is even more hot and sweaty over here.

As far as the mountain climb went, they had me by the balls again. I could book it cheap and organise it myself, but it was full for 4 days, or i could go tomorrow with an agency, which is when i needed to go, and pay the earth.

The amount of money i was handing out was reminding me of being married again, all i was doing was getting stitched up and paying for the pleasure of it.

Matt decided to come as well, so at 7am the next morning off we went. There are full instructions of what to pack and how to pack and prepare for the mountain, so we left it at the hostel and instead, we went out smoking and drinking the night before, and set off with a can of beer and a tracksuit top in case it got nippy, it cant be that difficult surely?????

Oh dear.

We had chosen the more difficult of the 2 trails, and within an hour we were soaked through and breathless. Neither of us had waterproofs, i had sandals on and matt had some ventilated trainers.

Oh dear.

The first day you hike 8km to base camp and then do the remainder ofthe peak during the night.

Whilst we were gasping like a pair of drowned rats, 60 yr old women with 50kg supply packs were shooting up past us. On our hands and knees we arrive at base camp which was nearly a mile higher up, so it was freezing cold.

Our spare tracksuit tops had got soaked in the rucksacks (the instructions tell you to pack inside a plastic bag inside your rucksack apparently).

There was no heating at all at base camp, apart from a delonghi oil filled radiator in the room that they did not switch on til 8pm, and we arrived at 6pm.

i thought i would warm up with a shower, so ran down the hall shivering with just a towel to find out there was no hot water, so now i was shivering and had to put my cold damp clothes on.

In an attempt to warm up before 8pm i jumped in to bed, only to find out that the bed was damp too.

Just Great.

Sod it, so we went down for a beer, only to find out that they had shut up shop and everyone had dissappeared.

It was not even 8 o clock and we were the only ones there and they started turning off all the lights dropping hints for us to go.

No tv, no bar, no girls, no nothing.

Great. And we were still cold and damp.

Seeing as we had to be up for half one, we went to bed now that the heater was on, but the 3 considerate indians we were sharing with, decided to either snore, or talk on their phones all night, so with that and being cold, i hardly slept a wink.

So at 2am we are sat there, tired and still damp.

And then off we go. The reason you leave so early is so that you are at the summit for sunrise at 6am.

So now it was really cold, and the climb turned vertical, with just ropes between you and a 500 foot drop, and pitch black save for the mini torch we had had to buy.

So we had 4 hrs to vertically climb another mile, legs still aching from the earlier climb, and what felt like no oxygen in the air.

By 5am we still had a bit to go, but were on our hands and knees, but after all we had been through, there was no way we were missing that sunrise.

On the final climb you are way above the clouds and you could see lightning storms in the distance beneath the full moon.

It was a perfect night, no clouds above and absolutely no wind and a full moon and stars so close and bright, yet another surreal moment.

Well we made it, Matt cracked open a beer and we started fighting with the japs and the germans over who was next to get a photo next to the sign at the top.

The sun took about an hour to rise, and brought some much needed warmth, and then we had to head back down again, which took just as long, and was equally as hard as going up.

we hit base camp and had some brekkie at 9, then we had to head off again at 10, with the final 6 km to go.

And it absolutely leathered it down, as you will see from the pictures. All i had was a t shirt on.

So we had 5 hrs of non stop rain. i will be amazed if we do not develop pneumonia or some sort of jungle disease.

My legs had turned to rubber by the last 1km, and i only just made it. Because of the rain we had just kept on going and not had a break.

On the last day in Kinabalu, i just took it easy and went for a massage thinking it would help my aching legs, but i was in so much pain it was agony.

We wentout for somefarewellbeers and ended up in hooker central at this nightclub.

All i can say is that If they had been cars, they would all have been around the clock in terms of mileage, if you know what i mean.

The funniest part was watching this really drunk german guy work his way around them all until he got to the ugliest one that said ok.

Boy was she ugly, and boy was he drunk, you had to be there.

So, as usual before a long trip, drunk and late i force myself up at 6am to get to the airport, only to find my flight has been delayed by 7 hours!

great.

whilst waiting, a girl got talking to me, and started telling me her life story and then started crying.

i looked up to the heavens and apologised for whatever i had done wrong in previous lives. The final straw was arguing with all the malaysians who kept jumping the queue, and then finally paying for a cuppa at KFC so i could use the free internet, only to find out it was not working.

I dont think i will be applying for a Malaysian visa again in a hurry.

Next destination........................... Singapore