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This trip's TOP (Token Odd Person) turns out to be an English girl called Lisa. Initially she just comes across as a bit of a jolly hockey sticks, but a more irksome side emerges over the first week; she has a habit of continuously talking about whatever pops into her head at any moment. Complete self-absorbed rubbish mostly, and then finishing with a little embarrassed laugh. Before long people just tune out when she starts to speak, but what makes it worse is her odd lapses into baby talk - if she sees one of us eating ice cream, for example, she will suddenly come out with something like 'oooh Lisa lubs ice-cweam'. It's most bizarre. She's a 37 year old vet, so should know better but has alienated herself from even the most fervent do-gooder on the trip (OK there weren't that many to start with).
Her apotheosis arrives on our penultimate night in Vietnam when we set sail for an overnight boat trip on Ha Long Bay, just north of Hanoi. She and another girl, Georgi, go off kayaking along with two other boats. By dusk the other two boats have returned but there's no sign of Lisa and Georgi. When it grows dark we resort to yelling their names from the top of the boat. An hour later and our captain is frantically calling some of the other boats in the area and decides to leave a couple of crew behind in a kayak, in case they turn up, and we set off looking for them in the adjacent bays. Eventually he hears that they have been found in another bay, so we cruise round to find them. Of course everyone was worried about them, but also slightly irritated that they had caused so much upheaval.
When found Georgi was apologetic and furious - Lisa had kept on insisting that they look just around the next corner. Lisa simply kept talking about how cold she was; how it had 'suddenly' got dark and how confused it all was out on the water. Not a contrite or apologetic word crossed her lips and she seemed unable to comprehend how angry everyone was.
Particularly as dinner was a whole hour late.
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