Jai Hind (Part 1)

Something has been bugging me for the past few weeks - despite numerous blog entries detailing my random thoughts and various activities, I haven't really spoken much about Delhi itself. I say Delhi, rather than India, because I don't think I've seen the real India. I've seen the sharp / blunt end of the economic spear strapped rather haphazardly to the worn and rather rickety shaft that constitutes the infrastructure, electricity and water supply, plus any other fundamentals for a developed country. I've caught glimpses of the real India on my travels out of the city: friendly and interesting people and beautiful scenery are the first to spring to mind. So here are my impressions of Delhi, unedited and in the raw. If you don't like them, or disagree, let me know. "Progress through struggle" and all that. However, if you do challenge my views, make sure you know what you're talking about. If you haven't lived here, you don't know. And if you don't know, you don't have an opinion.

Sorry folks: them's the rules…

A Brief and Incomplete Tour of Delhi

Delhi comprises 7 cities, each of which was set up by the ruler of a different invasion force throughout the past 1000 years or so. Everyone thinks of the British as the people who came to India and claimed it for the empire, but they were only the last in a long line of Aryans, Turks and Persians who have each claimed their stake to this throne of Northern India.I haven't explored the West, East or North that much, although I am planning to make a pilgrimage to the Sulabh International Museum of Toilets in West Delhi in the next few days. I'm informed that the North is quite residential and the East is a mecca for malls, so I have spent most of my time in South Delhi where you will find nearly all the ex-pats who come here. It's where the British Raj built the vast bungalows of New Delhi and the direction in which the city has mainly been expanding ever since. The centre of Delhi is marked by Connaught Place, or CP in the vernacular, a large concentric roundabout in the neo-Georgian style. At one point, I am sure the palisades were a lovely way for the British and rich Indian gentry to while away a hot afternoon, however now it is nothing more than a slightly delapidated shopping centre, full of Western style shops and restaurants. As a Firengi (foreigner, not Quark from DS9) you will be accosted every 100 metres by young lads paid to direct you into some shop. Do not be fooled: they don't really want to know where you are from and you certainly don't look like a film star in those 5 pound Primark Sunglasses.

Driving

Delhi drivers are mad, and apparently they are very representative of the rest of the country. Road markings mean nothing, there is no such thing as driver courtesy, and most cars carry 'dents' of honour from previous road battles. The main thing I have noticed is that Delhi drivers lack a basic sense of road awareness. Horns are used in anger - especially by 4x4 drivers (a global constant) - but they are also used to signal proximity to the car in front. In fact, a lot of the lorries have 'Horn Please' painted on their backside to ensure that their drivers know when someone is getting too close to their exhaust. I'm stereotyping you might say, but why then do most cars carry only one wing mirror, if any at all? The practical reason is that sooner or later it will get knocked off, so what's the point? To see what's coming behind you, perhaps…

Electricity and WaterA dangerous combination. Even in the capital, no-one is safe from the infamous Indian power cut or water shortage. I'm lucky in the sense that I stay in a guesthouse with back-up generators and water tanks, so I haven't felt the full brunt of a power cut. I have, however, gone without a running water supply for a week. Funnily enough, it wasn't the inability to shower that bothered me, but the lack of flush in the toilet. I'll leave that one to your imaginations.

Food

This one should cause a stir: Hale Barns Tandoori serves tastier Indian food than they do in Delhi. There I've said it and, what's more, it's true. I suppose part of my problem with the cuisine is rooted in my high expectations before I arrived. I was looking for a gastronomic bonanza: I started with 'gastro' and I'm still waiting for the bonanza. I keep watching Chinese cookery programmes and salivating. I'm afraid that Delhi has yet to serve me anything in the same league as Cantonese Roast Duck, Drunken Chicken, Dim Sum or those big fat mushrooms, the name of which I can never remember. For example, I still, after 5 months, cannot see the point of idli: a tasteless elliptical shaped ball of rice and lentils that has been stripped of its moisture content and, along with that, any fluffiness. It is usually partnered with sambar, a watery spiced soup with, if you're lucky, a slightly piquant flavour. The sambar is supposed to flavour the idli, but it doesn't have enough bite. If mixed, the resulting concoction is a wet, ever-so-slightly sour mass of rice. Where's the fun in that? I try and vary my diet to keep my tastebuds from nodding off. There is a good variety of places to eat, most notably an Afghan chicken place located in a maze of streets and a tiny Tibetan establishment run out of someone's apartment. Western food can vary a lot. I know one good Italian I occasionally frequent; might have a cheap Indo-Chinese now and again. A few weeks ago I ate a Monte Cristo, a deep-fried club sandwich in batter served with fries and raspberry jam instead of tomato sauce. What kind of maniac would invent that? To be fair, it's an American invention so they're to blame. I'll add it to the list along with Hershey's chocolate and the non-adoption of the crumpet!You've probably guessed that I don't cook a lot out here. It's really not worth it, being marginally cheaper than eating out and involving 30 minutes sweating in a hot kitchen. My local Subway serves most of my needs - I know the 'Sub-of-the-Day' menu off by heart. And if you don't think that's very Indian, Tuesday is Paneer Tikka Sub, Wednesday is Chicken Tikka Sub and Thursday is Aloo Patty Sub.How dare you say I have a limited palate!