Hello again,

Another blog from the semi-intrepid traveller Michael on his journey through Ireland.

Thanks to the raging response to the last blog (where's the sarcastica font on this machine...?) here's some more on Irish roads and driving.

Someone told me the reason that they totally ignore speed limits is because of the days they were under British rule. The limits were set by the state so, as a passive form of resistance, they totally ignored them. And have continued to do so 'til the present day. Nice story, but no excuse for the road-planning idiocy I've seen. How's this? Roundabouts on 100km/h highways. Hey, it's cheaper than building an overpass....

I actually saw some "slow lanes" on a highway yesterday, ordinarily what they have is just the one lane (no matter how much traffic is on the road - which is admittedly, never much). The one lane they do have is about 1.5 times the size of a "normal" lane but instead of a shoulder they have a dashed yellow line. The theory is, that slower cars pull onto, and continuing driving on, the shoulder of the road - beyond the yellow line - while the quicker one drives in the "fat lane". Of course it virtually never happens that way as pulling onto the shoulder is special code for "I'm a sucky slow driver". Instead you have to pull out onto the other side of the road into oncoming traffic.

That's nothing on the parking though. Through any small town there's only ever one lane of traffic available for both directions as people have pulled onto the sidewalk, pedestrians, other cars, etc to grab the most convenient park. Admittedly, these villages have been around longer than cars and car parking have, but still...

And I think that's got something to do with why Irish people are so friendly. Basically, wherever you drive, you're always at the mercy of other traffic. If they'd a mind to, they could keep you trapped behind that parked car forever. A bit of friendly wave though, and any suicidal driving move for freedom is forgiven. Probably something to do with Guinness too. It's got to be done in two pours, allowed to settle in between. So while you're waiting for it to settle, you're away from your friends amongst strangers with nothing else to do but have a chat or look very uncomfortable.

Here's a story. It's not mine, but I'm on the periphary, know a little about it, but not everything. So I have a bit of leeway to make it a little more interesting than it might actually have been. The characters are Adam Hills (comedian and star of Spicks and Specks), Danny Bhoy (Scottish comedian), me and - for the purpose of anonymity - someone I'll call.....Lisa.

As you may recall I caught Adam Hills in Kilkenny at a comedy festival. After the show, Lisa (er, some _other_ Lisa) asked him to join her road trip around Ireland. Very nicely, Adam instead invited her on "his" road trip, specifying upcoming dates for his own shows, and those that he was M.C. for Danny Bhoy. One of these shows was in the flyspeck town of Ballybofey, close to Donegal. As luck would have it, I was planning to be in Donegal at that exact time and it was also the one that Lisa (er, one of the other of the Lisas) was going to aim for.

There's a hostel in Ballybofey. Sort of. It's advertised but it's actually been closed for a couple of years. And when you ring it up, there's a phone message saying that there are beds available, come on down. Naturally I did, spent an hour or so looking for the feckin' place, found it was shut and was in the main street wondering what to do next when along comes Lisa.

Lisa does not look to be in a relaxed frame of mind. She is absolutely s***ting herself. I ask why.

She arrived in town around noon and ran into a bloke who was spruiking for a comedy show that evening. She told him that that's why she was actually in town.

"Oh! So you know the guys?"

"Yeah, I know them pretty well", meaning that she was quite familiar with their material and had seen them before. The bloke however takes it entirely different: that she's a _friend_ of the guys.

"Do you have their mobile number?"

"Uh...no"

"Well, they should be here soon anyway. I've booked their hotel at such-and-such. I can get you a deal too since you're friends. Gee, I'm going to be in so much trouble if you're a stalker! Ha ha ha!"

"Ah...ha....ha. Stalker... Hmm..."

Lisa was a little bit sensitive, and fearful, of being called a stalker, before she accosted Adam Hills in Kilkenny. So instead of doing the sensible thing and saying: "Sorry, been a bit or miscommunication here. I don't actually _know_ the guys...", etc. to "prove" she isn't a stalker, she goes along with it!

So she's in her hotel room, she's got a sweat deal on the price and she knows, just knows, that any time now, Adam and Danny are going to arrive, be told their friend Lisa is here and....then what?

She writes a note, hopefully explaining the situation as best she can, then heads out to grab some dinner. Which is where we bump into each other.

Naturally, I'm sensitive to her plight. But most of the time I'm in hysterics.

After dinner she says she has to go back to the hotel to grab some things, and heads off like a condemned man to the gallows. In hindsight I should have gone with her, but I'm an only child: I eat slowly. I was only 3 inches into my sub.

In the meantime I discover the next nearest hostel's reception closes at 9:30pm, meaning I sleep in my car, or miss the show. I elect to miss the show, but wait for Lisa to check she's OK and to tell her what I'm doing.

As showtime nears, I see her, Adam and Danny walking together down the hill. Lisa's still looking a little subdued (apparently when she walked into the hotel, it was like: "Ahhh....so you must be Lisa" as everyone turns to looks at her).

Michael: "So you didn't call the police, then?"*

Adam: "No, I think everything's all been sorted out. It's Michael isn't it?"

Michael: "Wow. I'm somewhat more than impressed" (thinking he remembers me from my crowd-stealing performance in Kilkenny)

Adam: "Uh, actually she just told me up the street"

Michael: "Oh, well, it's a long street, I'm still impressed you remembered"

Adam: "OK, we're going in now. I'll leave a couple of tickets at the door for you and we'll try and meet up for a drink later"

Lisa: "Thanks guys, have a good show"

Michael: "Or else what?! Careful guys, that sounds like a threat. Remember, she knows where you're staying"*

* - Michael didn't actually say either of these things at all, but in hindsight it would've been funnier.

Anyway, I told Lisa I couldn't stick around (I snored - I'd picked up a cold - the last time we shared a room, so I can hardly blame her for not offering me floor space in her dodgily-attained ritzy suite) and that's the last I know of what happened so far. I was tempted to drive 20-30 minutes to the hostel, check in, shower (I hadn't since I climbed a mountain earlier that day), and drive back again but....that's just sad. They're only comedians....

In my own news, since my split with Lisa (er, the other other Lisa - they honestly may not bear any relationship to each other. Maybe) I'd done a fair whack of driving.

I visited the Offaly and Clonmacnoise Bog Railway and learnt all about bogs, and peat cutting and whatnot, which was really good. Visited a monastic settlement and headed into Connemarra - the wild west that when mentioned, apparently causes all Irish folks' eyes to come over all misty.

Much as I've found in the rest of Ireland, it was nice. But not spectacular.

Saw some more bits of pieces and visited Ciegi Fields (spelling?) which is a large pre-historic settlement's remains that pre-date Egypt (or so said the associated visitor centre and museum - there's not actually much to see). From there my first "woah" touristic moment of the trip: Slieve League.

They're supposed to be the highest sea cliffs in Europe, and they are magnificent. There's a path which goes from the viewing area to the highest one but, with ridiculous winds and gathering cloud, I settled on only going up halfway. I peed in my own face too. Isn't the internet great, that you can just say that with no embarassment?

There were no toilets in the visitor's area, I hadn't been since mid-morning, there weren't many people about, I found a secluded area, dropped the drawers and let rip. Everything was going swimmingly for the first few moments, but then this massive gust comes whipping around the corner, hits the end of this natural basin I had secluded myself in, has nowhere else to go but vertical, and suddenly some of my urine stream is travelling straight upwards. I had to try my best to hold on between gusts. Lucky I had my sunglasses on. My skin does look fantastic though....

So you're probably wondering why I'm not out and about having fun, and have instead stuck myself in front of a computer for the past two hours. I've elected to have a rest day today, the frantic pace will re-commence tomorrow.

Well, it will, but not until after State of Origin! I found a sports bar in Letterkenny and asked if they'll put it on for me. They said they had the network I presumed it was going to be on, so no worries. I've since found what time it's showing and now I just have to check they're going to open tomorrow morning. It's being shown live!

Anyway, hope all is well. Don't be shy about writing back to me. More tales from Ireland soon, or from the Netherlands - as I'm arriving there this time next week! Yay! :)

seeya :)