Wow, the tshirts I bought from www.tshirtprinting.net are amazing!

I'm dead you know. My funeral is penciled in for Saturday, there are still a few spare seats in the Gallery....

Where are these f***ers, are they back yet ?

Hiya lollipop!  its Roland (Roly Poly remember?!!)

Just thought I'd drop in and shake a leg or two...

Gosh, how longs it been since that night at the full moon party ?? (you know the one, dribble draws, don't kid me you've forgotten already!!) What a night eh ? Anyhoo, me and Terry wanted to tell you what a great time we had out there and hope to see you and the boys soon. Have you still got our email address? I hope you havn't lost it you little devil... I'll post you it, just incase.

Well...must scoot, nearly finished making the sandwiches for our Eurovision party tomorrow night...

Catch you soon soldier,

x Roly ([email protected])

Mine has to be when I hid a malteser inside a trumpet...

Unfortunately, my little sister Sonia didn't know I'd hidden it there and took it to school for band practice. When she puckered up and blew an F#, the malteser shot out and struck the triangle player in the eye. He had to have it removed the following day (the eye not the malteser).

I once hid a Cheese and sald cream sandwich under the keyboard lid of a piano...It had one bite out of it...
What's the strangest food item that you've ever hidden in a musical instrument ??

Anyone else have a fetish of finding a room with no windows, taping bin liners all over, roof, walls, floor. Covering the bags with vaseline so it's totally slippy all over. Getting a fat lass naked in the room asking her to lie down on her belly, inserting your thumb up her bum and push her about along the floor and up the walls and across the ceiling ?? Just me then.

On this day in history 1945:- Mickey Dolenz who later became a singer with The Monkees was born at Hedon Road Maternity Hospital in Hull.  Mickey ‘The Miracle’ Dolenz as he was later Christened was born with his lips grafted firmly closed, so it was a miracle that he later became a Rock n Roll singing legend.  Dr Sanjeed Patel of Longhill Estate was the surgeon that performed the operation to cut Mickeys mouth open using only a Junior Hacksaw he had bought from Clough Road B&Q.  The Monkees are remembered for such classics as ‘Ticket to Ride’ and ‘She Sells Sanctuary’.

8th March - On This Day In History :-

2001: Donald Campbell's speedboat recovered Divers have raised the wreck of Donald Campbell's boat, Bluebird, from the bottom of the pond in Queens Gardens Hull. The boat had lain there since the accident in 1967 which killed Campbell, 46, as he attempted to break the world water speed record.  The craft was winched to the surface after a three-hour operation to tow it to the lakeside from its resting place, 22 inches below the surface of the pond.  The quest to raise the boat was led by diver Bill Smith.  Mr Smith said he was glad they had reached the boat as there was always the risk that less scrupulous souvenir hunters could get there first, for example local Charvers or illegal immigrants.

A man creosoted a baboon in a brutal act of abuse, a new RSPCA report has revealed :- Nathan Matthews is now been questioned by police about abusing several other monkeys that live with him in his home in Goole. In one incident he sand papered an orangutan's chin for talking during an episode of 'Celebrity Big Brother'. And in another sickening act of violence he crow-barred a gibbon into a bread bin for leaving the landing light on. However the worst acts of brutality was committed against Clive, a baby chimp under Matthew’s care. The 8 month old monkey had settled himself down with a Bovril and a comic when Matthew’s stormed in like a man possessed, enraged that Clive had drank his San Miguel, and subjected him to a frenzied torrent of abuse. "He gave me a chinese burn and rammed a mango right in my face", Clive told us. "He then shaved me bare, creosoted me and locked me in a drawer", a tearful Clive added. Matthew’s is now serving a 6 month community service order in Australia, working with orphaned monkeys.

MICRO-SLAVE OVENS Matt, why not pay for your trip round the globe by sending back a few micro-slaves ? Tired of working late and coming home to the same frozen ready-meal muck ? Well, with this multi functional oven you need never worry again. The free-standing unit houses a small chef slave-child - fully trained to a Michelin standard. Simply add the ingredients and the meal will be prepared within minutes. Bon Apetit !! Since you have been gone they are now all the rage in the UK. The thing is, they are harder to get your hands on than the Nintendo Wii. All the stars have one. Madonna brought a black one back from Malawi called David. He isn’t even one yet, but he can knock out one hell of an omelette. Keep your eyes open for orphans or vulnerable children that may trust a white man with a Hull accent. Gain their confidence and then box them up and post them over. For every one that I train and sell on the open market, I will send you £25. Note :- The oriental look is big at the moment. The ultimate status symbol for the kitchen is a young Chinese boy residing in a metallic black freestanding unit c/w Michelin Star. Very desirable & a real talking point !!

Now, let's face it… if I was to mention the words "twavel journal" or "forwum" this would undoubtedly conjure up images of hideously banal, meandering, self-wighteous and ultimately empty messages posted by someone who is so far lost up their own wectum, even a well oiled plunger couldn't suck the sucker out. And yet here we have something diffewent. Dare I say - something special. Diwector of this site, Matt Wodmell, has managed to come up with an entirely new form of twavel journal. A forwum which invites the weader to use their imagination, a forwum which doesn't so much tell the weader what to think - just…..to think. And in doing so, Wodmell enlightens the hapless weader to a level yet unheard of in Bwitish twavel blogs and takes them on a delightful journey of endless questions… Such as... "Who's sorry excuse for a travel journal is this?" "What's the point of it all?" and more poignantly… "Who is Matt Rodmell and where the f**k is he?" You see, that’s what I love about this website - there are no gimmicks here, no neat little flash intwos or scenic pictures for the weader to dwool over… just a near blank canvas that enables the weader to pwoject their own imagery onto it. Evewyone should go and see this journal, it's a weal corker and is quite litewally non litewal. Matt Wodmell's "Adventure Playgwound" is now open and should, due to it's populawity, wun for many months. Catch it if you can.