'Free Tibet'

We are going to start this blog by telling you that the entire structure of our curtains poles and everything just fell down exposing us to the entire restaurant. LOL loving the budget hotel life...

The first couple of days this week were spent lazing on the beach still being continuously papped by middle aged men. Yes one did us a sexual dance rubbing himself down with sand. Yes it was uncomfortable to watch but yes it was INCREDIBLY watchable. We thought he was about to be told off when a group of army officers wondered over but we soon learnt that they just wanted pictures of us in our bikinis holding their enormous guns posing like Lara Croft. It was odd! As the situations on the beach get wierder we have got to the point where sarcasm is used on just about anyone who approaches us much to our amusement. At the shack party last weekend a group of Tibetans brefriended us (by offering their light up devil horns as a friendship gift-Obviously this was an offer we couldnt turn down particularaly as we were somewhat drunk- at a sensible and responsible level!) We were then sat down for a good half hour for a lecture on the Dali Larma (they did not teach us how to spell it) Just to clarify how bizarre the stituation was we were sitting on a beach drinking round a bonfire, listening to club music, wearing flashing devil horns looking at pictures/maps of the Dali Larma/Tibet with a group of crazy passionate Tibetan youths.If this isnt travelling what is??? We get hassled so much with offers of friendship we have began inventing tactics- today a new one- follow any white middle aged couple pretending to be their children, works a treat until they turn around to see us in fits of giggles calling them Mum and Dad they seem to not find it so funny...We wish we could explain to you all of the bizarre things we have seen but it would cost a bomb in this internet cafe and we are totally broke from facebooking eachother the other day.

On Monday we officially became Indians when we set up an agreement to with our pals at Horizon to rip off some tourists and sell them a boat trip for the cost of their trip and ours. After hard bartering we settled with letting them unknowingly pay half of our trip- tough sale! On the boat trip we saw lots of dolphins and jumped into the sea where no land is visible! We felt so incredibly brave! No one seemed to congratulate us though instead they pretended to fight off giant fish which was totally unfunny. That afternoon we visited the Mother Theresa centre where they care for pregnant women, babys up for adoption, abandoned orphans and the elderley. We played with the children before saying goodbye.

Our time at Johnnys was coming to an end- very upsetting as the food there was INCREDIBLE and unlike our first hotel it was very lockable (as Meg find out when Eli accidentally locked her in the room for a long time- a story we probably shouldnt go into...) We will also miss our wonderful beach experiences and the crowds we attracted when partaking in normal beach activities such as building mermaids and playing bat and ball. We then moved into our luxury villa which felt like a mansion after a week in our pea sized matchbox room just big enough to fit the three of us - Meg, Eli and Timothy (our pet cockroach) when he was naughty he spent time under the bin. Naughty Timothy. At the villa we were well and truly spoilt by Marie- our lovely two day replacement Mum. It was Slouky! ( this is our word for Incredible- we have a lot of free time on our hands and are currently in the process of creating a new language - please let us know if slooky hits the UK soon and prepare to not understand us when we return, it will be pretty Kabada) We genuinely think that at the villa we were served the greatest bacon, scrambled egg and toast in the history of the world ever in mankind including BC. We also between us ate around 200 slices of toast with real butter enjoying every piece more than the last (probably useful as Eli has started to look like a malnourished Nigerian child and Meg has started to lose her Mcdonalds love handles Mctastic news (Sam dont pretend your not a little bit pleased) We spent three glorious days by the private pool in the gated community - fab news for us chicken white celebrities. We also visited the crazy flea market where we resisteda very convienient sale of an ever so practical bongo drum which was advertised as a drum and carrier around the world for 'cheap price'. We got some great bargains before remembering we had no room in our backpacks; does anyone want a Ghandi outfit complete with walking stick, flipflops and hat - such a steal! Marie sent us away on Friday for our train well fed, well slept and well cared for. It was totally gee-ping (dapper).

We travelled to the train station in style with Suresh (one of the few people we've met here not called Raj) banging out Justin Bieber. Note - he had already explained how he wouldnt mind marrying an english non-hindi and asked for megs number. Therefore the song 'Baby Baby Baby' was incredibly uncomfortable for one of us - Eli comfortably sat and watched the cows. At the station after asking someone for help (our Hindi is a bit rusty) we found ourselves guarding his luggage and very young child whilst he wondered off. In return for his help we found ourselves posing with every member of his family seperately - something we are getting very used to. Writing this we are feeing like the ultimate backpackers sitting in our bunkbed on the night train to Mumbai, under lots of blankets with a nightlight eating oreos as a stranger snores like a Rhino x 1000 beneath us.
The strangest awakening started the craziest day! Having watched other passengers preparing to get off whilst snuggled in our beds no one felt it appropriate to tell us we were approaching the last stop until almost too late! It was a whirlwind of backpacks, daybags, fannypacks, packed lunches and excessive bedding as we tumbled off our top bunks and stumbled through Mumbai station. Thank you Pro Plus! Ignoring the apparent dead body next to the pay phone we called our hotel to get the address. Feeling really positive and awake we jumped in a taxi. We very comfortably settled into our new bedroom but soon were approached by scary pokerface, emotionless hindi dragon lady who told us we were in the wrong hotel. We immediately said we would pack up and move but she demanded we pay for one night at this expensive crappy gay hotel. We retreated back to our room to plot our plan of action. After speaking to a local friend who explained that no, we wouldnt get arrested and that we should call the police and ask them to sort it out as this is how it works in mumbai, we triumphantly stormed through the hotel, backpacks at the ready prepared for battle. Our plan of action failed miserably when we realised we didnt know Mumbai's police number and dragon lady was the only one that did, funnily enough she was unprepared to share it (classic dragonlady behaviour) .. Our next plan was to walk out having paid the equivalent of the two hours we spent there. However we soon found ourselves locked behind their security gates with a security guard watching over us. Two hours later, with everyone still in the same position the panic set in and called the british embassy in mumbai (cheers lonely planet) to find the police number. However, it was closed so we were put through to the london office, who explained we were correct which was fab until our phone ran out of credit and we were cut off and back to square one. Finally the protesting paid off and dragon lady opened the gates and set us free with peace and love/evil stares. We speadily tuk-tucked to our correct hotel, particularly enjoying the moment where he decided to drive the wrong way down a busy one way street.

After one avoided scam the next morning we had an INCREDIBLE day. We hired a taxi for the day and did a tour of mumbai. We first drove through Dharavi slums (where slumdog millionaire was filmed) leaving us both speechless as mumbai has done many times already.We cant believe what we've been seeing and have both welled up at times and definitely vow to appreciate life in England a lot more! Here many children run through rubbish tips with little/no clothing and never wear shoes, people brush there teeth using black dirty road puddle water and HUNDREDS of families are homeless on the streets. Next to this are Rolex, Gucci and Swarovski shops amongst skyscrapers (one of which is inhabited by just four people). The contrast is simply impossible to describe. On the tour we stopped at lots of places and at a market Eli was followed by a dude selling fake Reebok socks for a good half hour - we both laughed so much as he repeatedly popped out on us calling her name. We also stopped at the gateway to India, University of Mumbai and the hanging gardens to name a few. After a tasty McDonalds and a walk around the shopping centre where we were hugged incredibly enthusiastically by staff in a super posh perfume shop we went to find an orphanage. Peace and love. Oh yeah, we also squeezed in a trip to Ghandis Crib which seemed appropiate after yesterdays non-violent protest. The young girls orphanage was delightful, it was so nice to see how excited they were when we walked in with presents. There were a few fights between them - over our attention and the bubbles we brought (we had to teach them how to use them as they'd never seen bubbles before!) We sang, played and drew with them for a couple of hours which made them more excited than we have ever seen children before. We then beckoned our driver, sanitised our hands and were taken back to our pretty posh hotel where security guards opened all doors for us. What a surreal day - but one we're glad we did! Later that afternoon we held a funeral service for Colin the cockroach who was tragically killed accidently during the night (death by disney cup). You can find pictures of the service megs facebook page. In the early evening we went to the local park which was PACKED with family and groups of locals, it was really nice to see everyday life going on and not get hassled!! PS Eli just spilt coke down herself, her top and our bed.

To wrap up blog # 2 we're hitting you with some stats of our time so far:

• Number of marriage preposals - 5
• Number of bedrooms - 6
• Number of unwanted/unconsented henna tattoos stamped on - 1
• Number of times held hostage by a hotel - 1
• Number of snake experiences - 2
• Number of times peed in holes in the floor - 3
• Number of times holes in the floor were missed and a slipper was peed on instead - 1 (mentioning no names.. MEG)
• Number of accidentally killed cockroaches - 1
• Number of monkeys made to 'breakdance like Micheal Jackson' - 1
• Number of monkeys that DIDNT infact look like Micheal Jackon breakdancing - 1
• Number of men that flashed us whilst driving beside us on a motorbike - 1
• Number of street children that have latched onto us a little too physically - 10000000

PEACE AND LOVE AND LETS PLEASE NOT FORGET TO FREE TIBET YOU LITTLE BLOG MONSTERS.
Love Meli (we're practically one person now..)
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