OK people, I'm way behind with this thing so I'll skip through everything as quickly as possible. Ish. Got the Oz bus from to Brisbane on Wednesday the 16th, and the driver was none other than Cosmic Dave, the half-wit we suffered with on the first journey. It was only a small crowd on the bus, too - a Scottish/Irish couple, Jenny from the Fraser Island Adventure, and Simone, a Dutch girl I had previously met on Magnetic Island). AND the weird Canadian couple from Kroombit, him a tall skinny ginger geeky-looking weirdo, and her about two thirds of his height but about six times his diameter. Cosmic started by talking incessantly (again) and played the same introduction game he played on the first bus - everyone had to say their name, nationality and favourite animal. Derek and Sandy, the Canadians, excelled themselves. Sandy said her favourite animal was a wombat. Derek said his favourite animal was Sandy, before adding that he also liked wombats. Cosmic treated us to another talk about the Aboriginals, as he had lived with them for five years so he considers himself to be Aboriginal. Despite being a) white, b) short, c) balding and d) well on his way to an amusing mid-life crisis. He took us to Rainbow Beach, which is fascinating because of the different colours of sand (hence the name). Cosmic wittered on about the Aboriginal legend about the rainbow that exploded because it was in love with a girl, or something. So the sand is powdered rainbow. Next, Cosmic taught us how to play a didgeridoo (there seem to be hundreds of spellings, that's probably one of them). Not the easiest then you're stuffed with a cold, but never mind. Cosmic told us he used to play his didge all the time, but he stopped because he felt it was such a spiritual thing for the Aboriginals that he shouldn't be using it - "but I still play it occasionally," he added with a conspiratorial grin. Next up was a chance to see him fall (metaphorically) on his backside. He showed us his technique for throwing boomerangs (which he is an expert at, naturally) then managed to toss it about five metres into the only tree on the beach. He blamed the wind. Simone and the Canadians left the bus at Rainbow Beach, leaving only four people to endure Cosmic. More people joined after we stopped at Noosa, all of whom I had already met - Becky from the first Oz bus, and Jenny and Becky (the bus now had two Jennys and two Beckys out of seven people) from Magnetic Island. Magnetic Island has turned out to be a microcosm of most of the people I've met in Australia. I was in a dorm with Kim, John, Stuart, Rob, Jemma and Jenny from Mission Beach (*waves at said people*). Then five of them left, and the room was populated with Lucy and Caroline (later in the car on Fraser Island), Jenny and Becky, Will and James, two 18-year-old English lads who will turn up later. Anyway, the Oz bus arrived in Brisbane. Beautiful sight arriving in the evening, the buildings all lit up and reflecting in the river. Brisbane itself seemed a nice city, but I perhaps needed more time to discover its charms. As it was, the only two nearby attractions were the museum and the art gallery (which is closed until December). I therefore decided to take the train back up north to visit Australia Zoo. Australia Zoo was set up by the parents of Steve Irwin (if anyone doesn't know, he's the Crocodile Hunter, an excitable Australian wildlife presenter with a penchant for swinging his young baby in a croc's open mouth). Now it's not so much a zoo but a Steve Irwin theme park. Every sign has pictures of Steve on it, and there's a 16-foot picture of him you can photograph yourself jumping against - so Steve's huge, and the jumper is an insignificant worm compared to the majesty of Steve. Strangely enough he wasn't there on the day I was. It's a very good zoo, though, with an interesting collection of Australian animals and a few foreigners. Unfortunately I'm a bit blase about wildlife now - I've stroked a tiger's neck while it's eating hunks of meat, so seeing one behind perspex just isn't the same. Same with the elephants - I've been on the back of one. And there was a cage with a strange beast called a "red fox" - like the ones I came face to face with in my back garden in Edinburgh. After a few hours learning to hate Steve Irwin's massive ego, I returned to Brisbane. That evening I happened to meet Will and James from Magnetic Island, so we were able to exchange stories about mutual acquaintances on the bus. I also finally managed to get in touch with Helena, the previous owner of 205 Broomfield Crescent. She now lives in Helensvale, just north of Surfer's Paradise. I arranged to take the optional hop-off point of Surfer's Paradise and meet Helena there. First, though (and thankfully with a good driver, Bonnie, who didn't feel the need to share her every thought with the bus) the small crowd on the bus went Zorbing. A Zorb is included in the Oz Experience pass, so we stopped in the morning to get it done. For those who don't know, Zorbing is the pastime of diving into a medium-sized rubber sphere, which is suspended by hundreds of spokes inside a huge rubber sphere, being covered with warm water and then rolled down a hill. Good fun, if a bit bizarre. Not least when the Zorb's occupants are ejected by being tipped out onto the ground, in a foetal position, in a shower of warm water. Is this what born-again Christians do? After getting to Surfer's Paradise, I wandered around the shops and beach for a short while before being picked up by Helena. We were able to catch up on news (and share stories about selling properties on Broomfield Crescent) and take the hedgehog for a walk. On Saturday, Helena's boyfriend Ian had bought her tickets to a Highland show in Brisbane (!) so Helena very kindly lent me her car so I could amuse myself nearby. It was the first time I've driven an automatic, which was weird - it seems to work most of the time, but I just don't trust a machine to know what gear I want to be in. With my new-found mobility, I decided to do something extremely tacky for a change. I went to Warner Bros Movie World (although I decided against the two adjacent water-slide parks as well), only slightly worried that a single male wandering around a theme park might look a bit strange. Much of the theme park seemed to be closed, but I started the day with the Scooby-Doo haunted house ride (which unexpectedly and fantastically turned into a proper rollercoaster at the end), saw the Matrix exhibit (which didn't answer the eternal question - why are the sequels so bloody awful), had a quick look in Looney Tunes village and went on the Lethal Weapon ride. The Lethal Weapon ride (seems a totally incongruous film to name it after) involved being strapped into seats suspended from above, with your legs dangling as you're sent spinning around and upside down. To my surprise, I had been joined by another single male theme park patron - a slightly portly Australian called Craig, who asked if I was on my own and offered himself as company. Within 30 seconds it had become apparent that Craig has the social skills of a whelk. That, and he bought a year-round season ticket for Warner Bros Movie World so he can come here on his days off and go on the two big rollercoasters all day. I elected to go to the Police Academy stunt car show, and Craig came too ("to see if it's changed"). The stunts were impressive, and the cast were joined by a volunteer from the audience, about whom Craig immediately said "I think that guy works here, I've seen him before". Of course, that was the amusing twist of the whole story. And when the "volunteer" fell off a balcony after being "shot", Craig opined "yeah, he must work here, they wouldn't let a member of the public do that". I managed to lose Craig then, because he "needed food" (which of course, is exactly the opposite of what the lardy pillock needed). I went on the Superman Escape ride, which goes from 0-100kph in two seconds, then had a relaxing afternoon trying to find Helena's house again in one of the hundreds of identical-looking streets. That night Helena, Ian and I played Scrabble (I won't tell you who got a higher score than the other two players combined, that would be rude) - which was even more exciting than the previous night, when I did my duty for Australia and squashed a Cane Toad with a rake. On Sunday, after two days of luxury actually staying in a house, I went to meet the next Oz bus. After dropping off my backpack there was time to kill, so I took the elevator up the Q1 Tower, the world's 20th-tallest building (and the world's tallest residential building). Some amazing views up the Gold Coast and out to the sea. Then back to the bus, driven by Stinger (or, if you prefer, Lawrence). This seemed to be the most party-oriented bus yet, with a large crowd singing along to Live 8 DVDs while Lawrence flashed the internal lights in time to the music. In this bus were Will and James (from Magnetic Island, of course). First stop was Nimbin, a tiny village in the countryside. Since 1973, it has been effectively populated by followers of an alternative lifestyle - i.e. stoned hippies. The police seem to have given up on it, the police station is only manned twice a week. The stench of marijuana hits you before you even enter the town, and upon disembarking every other person on the street offers to sell you cannabis products. For the record, it's $200 for an ounce of weed, or $10 for three cookies. And since buses are apparently frequently stopped by police with sniffer dogs upon leaving Nimbin, it could turn out to be even more expensive. They also had a few stalls with the usual new-age nonsense, and a girl with a guitar and a half-shaven head murdering Radiohead songs. Later we arrived in Byron Bay, for a two-night stay. The dorm contained me, Will and James again, Brett, Sara, Michel, Nat and Cat (*waves at said people*). On Monday I walked up to the lighthouse, and then along to the most easterly point on the Australian mainland. Byron Bay has a nice beach as well, but I'm getting a bit beached-out by this stage. On Tuesday we were joined by another James, who I'd met in Brisbane. With Stinger at the wheel again, we drove down to Surf Camp, which is in the middle of nowhere near Crescent Head. It's a nicely-made wooden HQ/accomodation block near two beaches either side of Crescent Head. Then it was time for the surfing lessons included in the Oz pass. Kitted out in a wetsuit, my opinion of surfing didn't change from my previous stance of it being a bit of a stupid thing to be doing with your time. Surf Camp itself was great fun, though. Everyone was split into groups of four after dinner, then the teams had to play Jenga until one team lost, then they washed the dishes. After that we sat around the fire until everybody collapsed with exhaustion. The next day I tried surfing without a wetsuit - this is in no way related to my decision to forget to put said wetsuit on the bus. I found it a log easier to balance on the board, and actually started to catch some waves. I even managed to stand up twice, although both times it was for less than a second. I now have to admit that it might actually have been quite good fun. From Surf Camp we drove to Barrington Steps, a farmhouse that's been very nicely done up as an activity resort. The weirdest activity (which our guide happily described as being "just wrong") was night kayaking down grade 3 rapids. This is, apparently, the only place in the world you can do it. Naturally I had to sign up for that, joined by Will and James and James. With wetsuits and boots, helmets and little battery-powered lamps strapped to our foreheads, we were driven up the river after dark. This, only after another unscheduled bit of exercise - there is a small climbing wall, and the game is that a person has to climb the wall, reach a platform suspended a few feet away, sit in an upside-down position and drink a beer, upside down. A few of us tried it, and had a go - I was able to get there and start to drink, but couldn't manage a whole beer. So after the kayakers (and our guide and driver) had sunk a few beers and eaten some home-made pizza (mine was a cheeseless wonder, naturally) before we went up to the river. At least only one person capsised - and that was only because I was stuck sideways on a rock, and James' boat hit mine and tipped it over. Still, it was great fun and obviously a unique experience. Next day it was back on the same bus, bound for Sydney. We had been recommended Big Backpackers in Sydney, and it does seem to have been recently voted the best backpacker hostel in Australia (or the World, depending on who's talking). It's certainly the nicest place I'd stayed in yet - except for Helena's house, of course. I had a four-bed dorm with Will, James and James, and our en-suite room had its own TV and video. We discovered the joys of Bernard Bear (I don't know if he's on British TV, but I'm going to try and find a DVD) and a bizarre Manga show called "Avatar - The Last Airbender" before heading out for a celebratory drink at arriving in Sydney - for most of us, the final Oz Experience bus journey. On Saturday I took a train through to Canberra, to visit Andrew (the Australian pharmacist I shared a house with in Bournemouth seven years ago). He's now the proprietor of his own Pharmacy, and is working all the time in it. Only half-day on Saturday, though, so he took me around the sights in Canberra. We went up the Telstra Tower, visited the Captain Cook display at the museum, and went on a tour around Parliament. We ate at a Thai restaurant, and I discovered to my delight that it served Beer Lao, the finest ale of my travels so far. Canberra is a strange city, though - it's been designed so there are plenty of areas of woodland throughout the city, the roads are spacious, and there are some striking buildings around. Most of the buildings, though, are ugly, soulless blocks. Strange for it to be the capital city, although that was just decided so it wasn't a toss-up between Sydney and Melbourne. Some good pubs, though, and it seems like a friendly place. I was only there for 24 hours, so after another night of luxury staying in a house, I left Andrew to continue being a businessman and headed back on the train back to Sydney. Which is where I am now, I've just spent the best part of two hours typing all this up, so I'm going to stop now. There'll be more Sydney stuff (and photos) in the next couple of days!