Less than a week to go and I have finally found out something very important!!!

I left Manchester today after having a lovely meal with my flat mates and close frineds last night. (Thanks for the send off guys)

However...whilst I was driving safely (and very well I might add) home today It dawned on me. People keep asking me whether I'm excited yet. I always reply "not yet". So many people keep asking me the same question over and over and my reply is always the same. Sometimes I feel like lieing and saying 'yeh I can't wait!!!' But that isn't true.People must think I'm mad. Anyone would be excited at the prosect of travelling. However, I have realised why I havn't shown any emotions about my trip. It's easy.

When you think about doing something which is scary...you have doubts. I always say to students when I do my student life presentations for my Ambassador job, that the hardest thing about Universiy is the thought of going. It's the actual thoughts that run around in your head about whether or not you'll enjoy it, or whether you'll be any good or whether or not your clever enoug etc... But in reality; University is actually EASY!!! Of course it is. It's fun, exciting, different...Fair enough there are some hard moments to it, but in essence it is easy.

However, it's only easy once you are there doing it. And when you are doing it, you dont think about it, therefore it's easy. It's like anything in the world...How many times have you thought..."ooh, I better not go in for the interview, it's too hard" or "ooh, I'm not going to go into to uni becasue i've missed to many lessons to catch up"...If you just did it without thinking about it, then it wouldn't be half as difficult.

It reminds me of my mum when she first stated her computer course a few months ago. She was supposed to wake up at 9am (I think), but because it was her first day she was nervous about going in. All night she couldn't sleep becasue she thought she would be the oldest one there and the 'thickest'. So early in the morning, she deliberaly woke up before her alrm was due to go off and changed wake up time from 9am to 11.00 am (so it looked like it was an honest mistake). She knew my sister would have a go at her for not getting up so she thought this would be a good idea to pretend she accidently set the alrm wrong. Anyway, once she set the alarm forward, she relaxed and went to sleep. UNTIL my siter burts in and tells her to get up quick or she'll be late. She didn't want to go in. Eventually she got made to go and now to this day she loves the computer course she is on.

The point I'm trying to make is when you have some kind of arrangment or commitment you have to do and your a bit apprehensive about it...you shouldn't think too much about it, becasue there is a natural thing in your brain which will give you doubts, which could potentially stop you from doing it. I have loads of examples- Gaz was nervous about doing his song at the camping trip...all day he was thinking about the song he almost pulled out, but due to peer pressure he done it. After he had done it, he was glad. Kyle needed to phone his Ex boss up for an explanation on why he didn't get his contract renewd from 2wentys...he kept thinking about what he was going to say on the phone...he thought about it so much that he didnt end up calling...therfore to this day the matter hasn't been resolved in his head.

More to the point...I'm starting to think about my travelling plans alot. I'm getting nervous. I told Tim that maybe I had made the wrong decsion on some of the destinations and I started getting doubts. It's not enough to put me off going but it could hinder the amount of fun I could have, if I just relax.

I'm not going to think too much about it. What happens happens. What I need to do over the next few days is make sure all my preliminary plans and goals are met, E.g visiting people and sorting out last minuit things etc...

So...it took me a while to work it out. The reason why I hanvn't been jumping in joy about going is becasue I think my brain has been trained (due to past experiences) to not think too much about doing something which is uncomfortable. Also, when you have a choice; the hardest one is normallt the right one.