Greetings and salutations to our avid readers and fan base of approximately one!

We have been a little disheartened by the sheer dearth of comments being left (that haven't included the mighty ICT's freefall in to the depths of the Scottish League) and Leah reckons that our page is in need of a bit of Steve magic. Now, my ramblings have done little to inspire comment writing in the past, but I figured that I'd give it a go.

We have both been working hard, or at least turning up and getting paid. Neither of us particularly enjoy teaching Maths but the pay is helping to fund a few adventures.

We've been to a few Essendon Bombers Aussie Rules football games. Leah is getting a bit sick of it but I'm gonna keep pestering her to come along with me. The last game we attended was at the MCG, which can hold over 100 000 folk. The atmosphere was great but was obviously pailing in comparison to the majesty and intimidating ambience of the 6000 seater Caledonian Stadium. Like I always say - it isn't the size that matters (ahem).

Last week, we went to some place called Cranberry. Cranberry is the capital of Australia but basically only because Melbourne and Sydney couldn't decide which city should have the parliament. They decided to put the parliament in a brand spanking new place somewhere in between and commisioned a small baby called Stewie Griffin to design the new city.

Stewie Griffin found a place with loads of trees and threw out some of the local aboriginals. He then got out his big piece of paper and in a stunning act of defiance against the architectural fashion of the time, he drew the plans for Cranberry using only a compass. This has resulted in Cranberry looking like a huge collection of crop circles from the air.

Just before completing the job, Stewie started school so rushed his plans for the parliament building. It ended up being drawn with a ruler, undersized and looked a bit too much like a museum. Stewie was forgiven for this one mistake and in memory of his efforts, they dammed the local river, and named the resulting lake after him.

After years of Australians walking past the parliament building and shaking their heads, it was decided that, in 1988, a new parliament would be built. The politicians decided that they would build it on top of the hill next to the current parliament. The Australian people hated this idea as this would mean that the politicians would be "above them" and this was against the Ozzie way. That, and if a rubbish decision was made, they'd have to walk up a steep hill to beat up the prime minister. A compromise was made and half the hill was removed and dumped somewhere just outside of Cranberry. They built the new parliament building on top of the hill, then took the earth from out of town and dumped it on top of the newly built building. The idea being that the people were happy that they could still walk on top of the building and be above the politicians, and the politicians were happy that if a rubbish decision was made, the people would still have to walk up a steep hill to beat them up.

After proudly finishing their work, the builders looked at their new parliament and realised that from the outside, it kind of looked like a run of the mill court house that had been built in to a hill for an obscure reason. Not letting previous mistakes daunt them, and to make the building look more distinguished, the designers placed a ridiculously large flag mast on top of the building and the parliament was complete. Upon completion, every Australian stopped what they were doing, looked, turned their heads to the side, and then immediately got on with what they were doing. About 2% of Australians have visited the parliament buildings since.

The history lesson is over, guys. Modern Cranberry is not a bad place to spend a weekend but would be a shocker of a place to spend a week. Public transport was a pain in the derriere to get around on and a car would have been handy to get to some of the places. The new parliament building is actually quite nice and high-tec inside. The museums all seemed worthwhile although without a car, we were hard pressed to find the time to visit all of them.

The Australian Institute of Sport was a disappointment. We were led around by a paralympian with a couple of world records to his name, and he showed us a couple of volleyball courts, an unused gym, an indoor swimming pool from outside, and a gymnastics arena we couldn't see properly because a competition was running that day. The interactive sports museum was okay but crowded, and Leah managed to mutilate her finger with a basketball. All in all, a poor way to spend the afternoon!

At the moment, we are in the middle of report writing torture but we are both seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Next week, we have Don and Tessa visiting Melbourne. We are maybe going to another Essendon game on Friday night, the Wallabies-Italy rugby union match on Saturday, Leah is going to see Pink next Wednesday and we're off to see a comedian called Ross Noble in two weeks time.

Two days after that, we're off to Queensland for the best part of a fortnight. Leah then should be starting at a new, nicer, greater school. It's only greater because I teach there too!

So stay tuned to this channel and leave us some comments, guys. Don't just facebook or email Leah because then I don't get to read your comments! We'll be reporting back on our adventures over the coming weeks.

Later folks,

Stephen

P.S. Leah proof read this before I posted this. During that minute, I was called bitter, twisted, weird and a weirdo. I was informed that I can't spell 'compromise' and that I've been reading too much Douglas Adams. Some constructive criticism would have been better received by myself so, in retribution, I'm bringing your attention to her mean-ness! Oh, and she's not getting to proof read this bit!