Clau-stro-pho-bia (noun) 1. an irrational fear of being in a confined or enclosed space (like a cave or cavern) 2. a fear of being in a small or crowded space, or in a place that seems difficult to get out of quickly (like in a cave or cavern) 3. an uncomfortable feeling that you have when you think that you do not have enough freedom to do what you want (like in a cave or cavern with Tim and three fearless teenagers!).

Into the cave, the hike beneath terra firma was steep and dropped 800 feet nearer the centre of the earth. Despite my psychological challenges, the cavern itself was more beautiful than any cathedral I've ever seen. I was wishing for a choir at the heart of the Big Room where the acoustics were intensely resonant. We were however, supposed to whisper so as not to disturb the delicate balance of the unchanging ecosystem - no wind, no weather, no light, (and the bats, which fortunately had migrated even further South). But for a Smith to whisper an entire sentence, let alone for 2 hours straight, is like asking a lion not to roar when you pull its tail! (Or as Tim says, like asking a zebra not to be so stripey!) Fortunately we are travelling in the off season, and although much of what we see is in its dormant winter interlude, we are often the only ones seeing it, which is a bonus for everyone I should think.

Ansel Adams described Carlsbad Caverns as "Something that should not exist in relation to human beings. Something that is as remote as the galaxy; incomprehensible as a nightmare, and beautiful in spite of everything."

As the kids put it, "It will be very hard to describe all this when we get home, won't it?" Yes, it will. Like a dream that has its own reality, our journey, to some extent is incomprehensible to others. Like the caverns, unless it is experienced personally, there is no intimate connection or comprehension. We, (the adults), have no idea what bearing this trip will have on our little family. Each one of us is encountering and responding to our own present reality uniquely and individually. But because we feel we are on the right road, we can neither fear the present, nor worry about the future. That would be a phobia beyond irrational.