Take off your bra and lay on the table...Bali

There are some things you just have to do when you're in Bali. You have to perv on the surfers whilst sitting on the beach, you have to dodge mopeds everywhere you go, you have to get on stage in a nightclub and teach the crowd a dance routine, you have to have a massage on a table in a restaurant and you definitely have to go to the Gili Islands.

First stop in Bali was Kuta which was not quite the idyllic vision of Bali either of us had pictured but as has become the story of our trip so far, we laughed our way through and had a lot of fun. Kuta, which was where the Bali bombings of 2002 took place is the main touristy and built up area of Bali (we have since learnt that Kuta means city). It is full of restaurants, bars, hotels, market stalls and MOPEDS. They are literally everywhere. We thought pushbikes in Phi Phi was manic bu thtis was 100 times worse, if they were not nearly running you over, someone was trying to rent you one constantly asking "transport transport". If only we'd found somewhere that printed t-shirts, Lodge wanted to get one that said "please assume I do not require transport unless I indicate otherwise" or words to that affect (we both know she's not that polite!). The beach was much the same, looky-looky men and women trying to sell you sarongs, ice cream, dvd, hats, fruit, bracelets etc every 30 seconds. The beach itself wasn't much to look at and the sand was quite dirty (although every two hours or so all the looky-lookys were called over a tannoy and they wheeled out their wheely bins and did a mass clean up of the sand - something we've never seen happen on a beach before and then only time we got more than a minutes peace!). The sea was also very wavy so while this made it too choppy to even paddle, it did mean it was popular with surfers which brightened up the view for us considerably!

Having become the more experienced travellers over the last month or so we just booked our first night in Kuta and decided we'd sort out the rest once we arrived. (partly because knowing us we'd pick a hotel next to a brothel and/or 40 miles form the beach!) We stayed in the garage in Koh Tao, in the shed in Koh Phi Phi so it was about time we tried the prison cell - not that we expected too much extravagance as it cost less than a glass of wine did in Singapore - but the place looked as if it hadn't been cleaned in about a month (there was a plaster stuck to the shower wall and an empty shampoo sachet on the floor), the ceiling looked as if it might fall in at any minute, the gap between the door and the door frame was so big it looked like my Dad had hung it and there were bars on the windows which gave it that lovely prison cell glow when the lights were off (which they frequently were as we kept having powercuts!) But strangely, it was quite homely, six weeks ago we'd have flatly refused to sleep there but it was a bed, and a really nice bed at that despite the coloured sheets - Lodge's pet hate. We made ourselves at home ie Lodge neatly unpacked things as and when she needed them while the entire contents of my bag was exploded everywhere within five minutes of arriving. We even stayed for a second night and then tried to stay for a third but they were booked up so we moved to the hotel next door (we weren't keen on carrying our bags too far whilst hung over) to a nicer and cleaner room.

Not liking Kuta beach too much we decided to head out and find another one. Someone had recommended Bingin Beach to us so we set off in search for some peace from the looky-lookys and some sand void of debris. What we weren't expecting when we got out the taxi was a 20 minute trek down a hill, across a bridge, through a field full of cows (which strangely didn't scare lodge - woo she's getting brave!) and then down about a million steps only to get to a non-existant beach, just a pile of rocks! We spied some sand around the cove and so clambered over the rocks through the crashing waves and reached a deserted beach, set up our towels and then it began to rain. We did make three friends, three looky-looky ladies who descended upon us as we were the only humans in sight and simultaneously, tried to give us massages and sell us sarongs.We did eventually give in and said we'd both have a massage although we didn't quite expect it to take place in the beach bar on the table next to the one where we'd had lunch...can't say either of us have ever taken off our bras and laid on the table after a meal before! It was quite enjoyable although it near put us to sleep only for us to then have to trek back over the rocks (get caught in a big wave) up the mountain and through the cow field.

Nights in Kuta were much more our style, that is they involved a lot of cocktails, a few weird Aussies, a spanish magician and an attempt to teach the entire dance floor a dance routine - yes, in our drunken wisdom as soon as 'we no speak Americano' came on we got on stage and attempted to teach the crown the dance we'd picked up in Phi Phi. Unfortunately, apart from the two guys next to us, no one seemed to pick it up that well. Obviously they hadn't had seven cocktails and a bottle of beer to gove them maximum coordination like we had! So after we'd entertained the folk of Sky Garden for a while, we thought we'd better get back to our prison cell before we caused any more trouble and were taken off to a real police cell, probably for crimes against dancing! Well that was the plan, but enroute we stopped at McDonalds for a hash brown, only trouble was it wasn't time for breakfast yet so there were no hash browns and despite our best efforts to persuade them to cook us a cheeky couple, they were having none of it. Lodge, who was outraged by this demanded to see the manager. His answer "no". Her response "oh ok, we'll have two happy meals and he'll pay" she said, pointing to the complete stranger next to us. Said stranger did pay and so Lodge says to him "why aren't you wearing a shirt" (by which I think she meant thank you) and he in return got excited and did a dance on the counter. Obviously, we made friends with him and his mate and had a lovely 4am meal with them before calling it a night.

After four days in Kuta, we had yet another 6am pick up, a million pound boat trip (which at least this time included donuts) and we were off to Gili Trawangan, which turned out to be our new home from home....