Do Travel Writers Go to Hell?

After spending a week doing the 'usual' things a tourist does in Laos - Luang Prabang, Vang Vieng & Vientienne - I decided to head into the somewhat-less-travelled parts of central Laos. A place called Kong Lo had been recommended to me, and, without really reading much about it I geared myself up for a wee adventure.

So I woke at 4am to catch a local bus from the southern bus station of Vientienne...a good 9 kilometers out of the city centre. Catching a 4:30 am tuk tuk involves wandering into a pitch black street corner, past the stray dogs and prostitutes, to wake a guy who wants to extort money to take you a small distance. So you pay more to get to the bus station itself than the bus ticket will cost to get you halfway down the country (and more than my room cost that previous night, but that's not saying something as it could be a contender for worst room on the trip).

At the bus station I buy a ticket for the 6 am bus to Lak Sao and am assured that I can get off at Ban Khoun Kham, where my guesthouse is for the evening. Biding my time waiting for the bus I get breakfast - a baguette consisting of liver pate, mayo, cucumber, chili sauce, fish sauce, coriander, and mystery meats 1, 2 and 3.

The bus itself was a rather uneventful 5 hours, actually, other than Thai pop karaoke serving as entertainment for the morning, followed by some Lao comedy involving men sitting down to eat rice and have a chat, which prompted hysterical laughter from my fellow passengers. (Asian buses might have curtains that haven't been washed since 1978 and seats that are falling apart, but by god do they have a good quality tv-dvd system at the ready!)

I arrive at the Mi Thuna hotel / lodge, which was billed by the Lonely Planet as being the Greatest Guest House in the History of the Universe:

The new rooms offer modern comforts such as hot water, air-con, and cable TV and owners Ralph and Mon are a great source of local information (especially on getting to Tham Kong Lo) and Western and Lao food - the big English breakfast is the perfect way to start the long trip to Kong Lo. They also provide packed lunches. Other services include limited free internet for guests, mountain-bike hire where the money goes to the local school, free laundry and a 25m long swimming pool expected to be finished mid 2008.

Quick check:

Hot water? No

Acutal running water? Not when it ran out halfway through my shower with shampoo in my hair

Air con? Well yes but it was freezing

Cable TV? No. And I don't like to watch tv on holiday but there's nothing to do in this town

Ralph? Not present

Great source of local information? Couldn't speak English

Great source of Western & Lao food? Most of menu unavailable. That that was extremely average. No English breakfast

Packed lunches? Nope

Free internet? Nope

Free laundry? No

Swimming pool? If there was one, under construction or otherwise, I didn't see it

Nice one, LP. I had to rinse soap out of my eyes with bottled water...but anyway...At dinner that night I met a Canadian couple and an English couple that had the same assessment of the guest house that I did (and were far more valuable as sources of information on my journey to the middle of nowhere planned for the next day).

It would seem either the LP made up the entry completely or the recently vanished Ralph was the brains behind the operation. So I went to bed about 9 pm (even after taking a nap in the afternoon!) seriously questioning whether this little diversion was going to be worth the effort.