"He waits... that what he does... And tick follows tock follows tick follows tock...

Ahab Says 'I don't care who you are, here's to your dream'".




I spent some time recently at my old stomping ground in Melbourne, the Pint on Punt Hostel in Windsor/St Kilda where I used to work and live.

The owner has changed now, but it's always the case with these things - the more things change, the more they stay the same. My very good friend John still runs the bar and his girlfriend (the single best looking girl Liverpool has ever produced) works there with him, most of the staff are the same, Corey the head chef and night manager is still both the nicest and most psychotically violent man I've ever met...

I was lucky enough to catch Johnny's 30th birthday, and while I was in the bar I overheard a complete stranger ordering a round of 3 'Iraqi Occupations'.... Now I'm not expecting anyone to remember, but that's the drink I invented back when I was working bar four months ago. It was a rather pride-filled moment to know my legacy still lived on - aim low, that's what I say. Some design monuments, others cure disease.. I invented a reasonably popular drink.

Anyway, this all led on to a conversation about the rest of the drinks we have invented over the months, in those twilight hours when the pub was closed and the staff and the backpackers ran amok until the sun came up.

The good old days....

So, we made a list, and as we don't really have anywhere else to put it I thought I'd stick it here, so it can be used as reference to Pint on Punt residents old and new, and for anyone around the world who, for whatever reason, wants to wash away the pain...and bring the rain.




The Iraqi Occupation

Ingredients: White Sambuca, Baileys, Grenadine, Coopers Pale Ale
Directions: Pour a top layer of Baileys onto a shot of Sambuca. Add a drizzle of Grenadine and then drop the lot (glass included) into a half a half glass of Coopers. Do it in one or not at all.
Special Instructions: Do it fast. If left to it's own devices, the drink will become a solid mass of pain.
Invented by: Mike
What's in a Name?: Because it's f***ing stupid.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor (out of five): 4


The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down

Ingredients: Tequila, Kahlua, a Coffee Bean and some Red Bull
Directions: Shot of Tequila with the Kahlua on top. Pop in the coffee bean, drop the lot into half a glass of Red Bull and try not to choke on the coffee bean.
Invented By: John
What's in a Name?: Simpsons Quote, Speed gag.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 3


I Broke Your Heart And All You Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

Ingredients: Honey Vodka, Jameson's Irish Whiskey, Drambuie, Frangellico and Beez Kneez.
Directions: Drop and drink.
Invented by: Mike
What's in a Name?: You kind of had to be there.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 3


The Scouse Powerhouse

Ingredients: Sambuca, Malibu, Campari, Vodka, Grenadine, Bulmers, Strawberry Liqueur.
Directions: Everything but the Bulmers in a shot glass. Add Grenadine to the shot and the Bulmers for the colour. Drop and drink.
Invented by: Jackie
What's in a Name?: Jackie hails from the land of tracksuits and petty theft.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 2


The Bad Bad Mimi Brown

Ingredients: Havana Club Dark, Tia Maria, Kahlua, Southern Comfort, James Squire's Amber Ale.
Directions: Drop and Drink.
Invented by: John/Mike/Bad Bad Mimi Brown
What's in a Name?: Er... It's Brown.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 2


The Whinging Pom

Ingredients: Gin, Dry Vermouth, Red Wine.
Directions: A shot of Gin and Vermouth, dropped into half a pint of red wine and forced down.
Invented by: John
What's in a Name?: In honour of Jackie and Mike.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor (out of five): 7


The DBI

Ingredients: White Sambuca, A Bird Eye Chilli cut in half, an awful lot of Tabasco Sauce and very little respect for your body.
Directions: Mix into a shot glass. Allow to soak for 15 minutes. Get it down you.
Special Instructions: While the drink is soaking you have to think of something from your past you are not too proud of. You don't have to share with the group, so this can be genuinely bad. When the time comes, you toast "Here's to your sins"... The pain you endure from this entirely unpleasant experience absolves you, on a Karmic level, from that one sin.
Invented by: Mike
What's in a Name: It stands for Death by Idiocy.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 5


The Russian Doll (aka Ujanikabollokov)

Ingredients: A shot glass of vodka, a half full half pint glass of cider stained red with grenadine, and a pint glass with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice Black in it.
Directions: The ultimate Drop Drink (for the time being). The shot goes into the half, the half goes into the pint, and then it all goes down in one.
Invented By: Jackie
What's in a Name?: Well... It's like a Russian Doll, isn't it?
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 5


The "f***'s Sake, Really?"

Ingredients: Vodka, Tequila, Irish Whiskey, Ouzo, Midori, Kahlua and Southern Comfort.
Directions: Half a shot of each into a half glass.
Invented by: Mike (In honour of John's 30th Birthday)
What's in a Name?: It's the reaction you get when you tell someone what's in it.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 4


The Neville Southall Keepie Downer

Ingredients: Tequila, Cointreau, Sambuca in a shot glass, half a pot of Bulmers with Angostura Bitters.
Directions: Drop one into the other.
Invented by: Richard (Chard)
What's in a Name?: I'm pretty sure it's got something to do with football.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 3


Bring The Rain

Ingredients: Two shots of Vodka, two of Sambuca, over ice.
Directions: To be consumed at the start of an evening. In one go.
Invented by: Mike
What's in a Name?: US Military Slang for 'Commence the bombardment'.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 2 (if consumed sober), 7 (if not)


I f***ed More Backpackers Than The Bedbugs

Ingredients: Triple Vodka, Coke Zero.
Directions: Drink it.
Invented by:
What's in a Name?: Every long termer who leaves has to invent a drink. This was invented by . It has nothing - NOTHING - to do with either promiscuity or insect infestations at the Pint on Punt. just picked some words at random.
"Homeward bound, Jeeves" Factor: 2





Please enjoy irresponsibly. And remember - alcohol is the cause of more fatalities every year than every other drug combined....... But as Joaquain Phoenix says in Buffalo Soldiers - "War is hell..... But peace... is f***ing boring".

xxx