The Swedes

We were booked in on the same boat that night. Four beautiful Swedish girls and us. In my head, the e-mails home telling people about it were writing themselves.

When we got to the beach it seemed only right and proper that we sit together - anything else would have been just rude. We were going through the motions, exchanging stories and the like. They were two weeks into a one month trip around Europe.

Karim and I went for a swim, and it was only when we were far out at sea that we even remarked upon what a fortuitous turn of events it was. Although, of course, Karim didn't say a word because he has a girlfriend. And, for that matter, I was still celibate. I had a few days left. So when I say we remarked upon what a fortuitous turn of events it was, I merely mean we thought it was good that we had someone to watch our stuff while we were swimming. That's right.

Anyway, when we returned from our dip I did what I often do in these getting-to-know-each-other situations - I fell asleep. Karim woke me up every half hour to turn me over, operating a much stricter policy than the others had a couple of weeks before. I ended up missing most of the introductions.

This meant I spent the rest of the day separating them in my head as "Dreadlocks Girl", "Blonde Girl", "Blonde Girl 2", and "Not Blonde Girl". It seemed to do the trick.

We went back to the town together, and decided to get dinner together too. We went to the place Bob had recommended, and it was a good place - big, nice pizza for €3 - a bargain. I even found out their names. They were, in the same order as before, Marie-Louise, Linette, Sofie and Tess.

We went to a supermarket to get some stuff for the ferry. The girls, bless them and their organisational skills, were buying things for something called 'breakfast'. Karim and I bought some beer, two bottles of Sambuca, and a bag of crisps. At least, I think we bought the crisps... I don't remember eating them.

When we got onto the ferry, some scruffy chap showed us all to six seats in a big room full of backpackers. Me and Karim smiled at everyone, safe in the knowledge that we had our own cabin waiting for us upstairs somewhere.

Then we explained this to the chap, and he told us that no, we didn't have a cabin. We had a chair. Sod that. After half an hour of pointing, swearing and gesticulating, we convinced him that we did indeed have a cabin. He was not happy at all. Good.

He disappeared for a while, then showed us to our room. There was just us there. Four beds, two guys.... bliss. We showered, and then went back down to The Swedes. We had already arranged that they would leave their bags in our room - this was something they suggested, not us. Personally, I wouldn't trust us with an unwanted hat, but obviously we were doing something right.

So over the next hour or so we subtly and stealthily hid The Swedes' bags in our room, and they all showered, and then the drinking started.

Karim and I did a remarkable job of disguising our complete ignorance about everything to do with Sweden. About the only thing we knew was Neutrality, Ikea and Sven. We weren't even exactly sure where it was. I mean, don't get me wrong, we knew where it was. We just weren't sure that where we thought it was wasn't in fact where Switzerland was and vice versa. I mean, they sound so alike.

We got out the cards, and tried to find a game that everyone could play. We ended up with Snap. It was quite a lot of fun, to be fair. I mean, as far as Snap can be fun. Then we got to talking about our current relationship status. I kind of washed over the story of my ex-girlfriend, Karim was wonderfully open and happy discussing Polly (love-struck fool). And Tess was single. And Linette was single. And Sofie was single.

And..... Marie-Louise was not single.

This was a bad thing. Just why this was a bad thing didn't make itself clear straight away. And I think it would be safe to say it was only a bad thing for me - everyone else seemed quite happy with it. Perhaps it was the sarcasm. Or perhaps it was the fact she got all of Karim's fantastically complex and filthy double entendres, or perhaps it was the dreadlocks. Karim thinks it was the dreadlocks.

Whatever. It was a bad thing.

Sofie asked me if I missed my ex-girlfriend.

"Of course I do", I said, treading water and trying to think of a 'good' answer that was as close to the truth as possible. "But let's face it - if it was going to work out, I wouldn't have b*****ed off around the world for a year and a half".

"I miss my girlfriend", Karim said, mistily. "She's great".

"Get a f***ing room", I said.

"I don't miss anyone", Sofie said.

"Well I have a boyfriend", Marie-Louise said, "and I'm sorry to say, even though I'm here, I miss my boyfriend!"

b*****.

Anyway, we obviously invited The Swedes to come and sleep in our cabin. It was our gentlemanly responsibility. We offered them all four beds, but they wouldn't take them. Instead, they went two to two beds, and we were left with the other two.

We all slept like babies.

It is a well documented phenomenon that the only time I wake up first in any situation is when I've had an awful lot to drink the night before. The next day, I woke up first. I looked around. There were four beautiful sleeping Swedish girls in our room.

Now, I'm not a religious man..... and see what happens to me!!!

Everyone started to wake up, and a couple of The Swedes disappeared upstairs. I went for a shower, still wearing a grin. And then, on my way back to the room, I noticed the staff were knocking on doors and telling everyone they had to leave their rooms. This was a potential problem. I don't think Four Swedish Girls is an acceptable form of luggage in cabins.

I managed to deter the guy from actually looking in our cabin, and that bought us enough time to smuggle the bags upstairs. Our back up plan was to claim that we just got really, really lucky the night before. But this was me and Karim we were talking about - we could only hope the staff were as stupid as they looked.

It was a success - the perfect crime. We made two of the beds look un-slept in, and got out of there in good time.

We went to Patras train station, and had a bit of a chat about what we were doing next. Karim and I had basically said to each other that we might hang around with them as far as Athens, but we certainly weren't going to cramp their style. It's always a problem when you meet people who are on holiday - one week for us is neither here nor there, but for them it's probably a once in a year kind of deal that could make it or break it. It gave us the kind of responsibility we would rather be without.

"We were thinking about going to Istanbul", Linette said.

"But", Sofie added. "We would like boys to come with us. We don't want to go as four girls, because it could be dangerous. Would you like to come to Istanbul with us?"

Me and Karim exchanged looks. Our plan was to go to Athens, maybe try and find work, see a few of the islands, and basically kick back for a few weeks until our money completely ran out. And then we were going to go home. It wasn't set in stone, but it was certainly our plan. We hadn't thought about going to Turkey at all. Not once. It just didn't figure into the grand scheme of things. We were poor, and our Interrail tickets were going to run out in a few days. If that happened in Turkey, we would probably be in a lot of trouble. It was a stupid, irresponsible idea and to even think about it we would have been completely crazy. And there was the responsibility. Istanbul could be dangerous (apparently), and we'd be responsible for four, beautiful Swedish girls. Their lives would be in our hands.

"Sure", we said.