Anyone who has ever been to the Middle East (probably other places too but that's where I've encountered it) will know what I mean by the bum squirter. For those who don't know - it's a hose installed next to every toilet in the country, designed to squirt your bum. I'll be honest, they freak me out a little. Maybe it's just because I've grown up with paper and no squirter, but I can't imagine wanting to squirt myself with cold water, with a clumsy hose which almost certainly has a poor aim. In fact I know for sure it's difficult to aim: first up, I've been brave and tried it a couple of times, with disastrous results. Secondly, I've lost count of the number of times I've walked into a toilet cubicle and found the seat covered in water. Covered. Properly covered. How do they do it? And then I suppose you use paper to dry yourself off, but there often isn't any paper. Getting caught out too late is one thing when you haven't used a bum squirter - but imagine being covered in cold water that you've just liberally and inaccurately squirted all over your underside and probably a large portion of your buttocks and thighs too (the jet tends to be pretty powerful) and then finding there's nothing to dry yourself with. You'd have to make sure no one walked behind you until your clothes had dried off.

I once got into a discussion with some Libyan friends over paper vs bum squirters. They had a point that you don't consider your hands clean if you just wipe them with a bit of paper, you prefer to get some water on them too but then, I use my hands for food, and writing, and shaking other people's hands, poking my friends, patronisingly stroking their hair when the fancy takes me, and carrying things. If my feet get grubby, I'm happy to just wipe them off and then they can wait until I have a shower. No one else has to have any contact with my feet, so they can wait. I think the pastime of bum squirting can be written off for similar reasons. I shower frequently, that's good enough for me.

Bum squirters do, however, have their uses. These include: cleaning the toilet; cleaning the bathroom floor (all Middle Eastern bathrooms and kitchens have a drain in the middle of the floor so the best thing is just to cover the floor in water and then swoosh it away again down the drain); filling the twin-tub washing machine with water, as it's not connected up to the plumbing; water fights, but this is problematic as there's little chance of having two bum squirters within reach of each other. You could use it to surprise unsuspecting visitors or housemates, in a childish way, by squirting them as they walk past, but this also has failure built in as the jet will either be so pathetic that as you shout "haHA!" at your opponent, they turn to see you getting a pathetic trickle of water over your hand as the triumphant look on your face fades to disappointment and humiliation. Alternatively, the jet is often quite harsh, so you run the risk of injuring your friend. Another reason I'm scared of them.