I never would have believed the complexion of my skin could cause such problems. A friendly wave leading to a car crash.

Look, I'm just standing there minding my own business. The boys from the home wanted to go to the playground, so there I was helping them scale the climbing wall and complete the monkey bars. A car approaches about 20 meters to my left. I sense it passing by out of the corner of my eye.

"Hey Joe!".

Well, I guess that's for me. I turn around to see a smiling Pinoy waving frantically from the drivers window. I nod back hoping he will put his eyes back on the road as he was rapidly approaching a pick-up truck just meters ahead. His eyes were still fixed on me as the gap between the two cars lessens. I turn away because I feel that if I engage him any longer, he will never turn back to the road.
All this occurring in a matter of seconds.
BANG!!

I turn around. The inevitable.
The bonnet falls off, followed by the headlights, followed by shattered glass both from the car behind and the car in front. The guy looks over at me. The smile has faded and he puts his hands to his head. The driver in the front exits the pick-up truck and begins shouting at the other guy. Oh man! He signals that this guy has gotta pay up. I keep my eyes to the ground feeling somewhat guilty and responsible. It wasn't my fault of course, it was purely my foreign face distracting a surprised local.
Just to clarify, No English guy was harmed throughout the duration of the argument that took place. I guess they eventually came to an agreement, as they soon fled the scene, leaving glass, headlights and a large bonnet littering the street.
I breathed a sigh of relief. My fault? No, no... Blame it on the skin!

Over a month and a half. I realise you Britonites have been majorly left 'in the dark'. All I can say is, I hope this blog makes up for my laziness!!
I won't be able to include everything that's taken place in this large interlude and I'm bound to forget something, so apologies if I miss some vital info!

Where to start? I think I finished off last time just before I left for Iloilo, so I have a week to sum up the events. How good is my memory?! Ahh yes..

"Pasalubong!! Huwag kalimutan!"

This was the inevitable reply of every (and I mean every) person I met once I'd mentoned I'd be flying off to Iloilo. Okay, we've covered this ground. I will try my best, but it's not really a holiday.
Pasalubong can be any gift or souvenir brought for family or friends after being away for a period of time overseas. I think it's a great idea and one we should adopt...I mean, we all go for the whole: 'Oh you shouldn't have (but you really should have!)' mentality when it comes to bringing gifts home, whereas they're not shy in any form to dive straight in, demanding some kind of souvenir (preferably food) as compensation for you having a great time. Sounds about right!

As I said, it was a word which I came to discover very soon after I'd announced I'd be jetting off for the week. It wasn't even really a luxury retreat, I was heading off for a Bible Theology Training Seminar in a province called Iloilo for a week. Little did I know of the kinds of trials I was soon to face.
And so, with a list the length of my arm full of names I needed to buy pasalubong for and a considerably smaller suitcase stuffed with a couple of t-shirts and shorts, it was 'Bye Bye Manila and Ello Ello Iloilo" (see what I did there?!)
We slept overnight at the airport as our flight wasn't scheduled until 4am. The consant tanoy announcements and crying babies meant sleep was a bit of an impossibility, but I had the company of 2 good friends, Kuya Louie and Kuya Mark who helped keep the mood high!

Little did I know, the language I'd spent 4 whole months trying to learn would be somewhat pointless when I arrived in Iloilo. Ilonggo was where it's at, Tagalog was a second option and as for English, well, it was unheard of. That's the thing with the Philippines, they can't really make their minds up. A country made up of 7,107 islands and represented by variations of no fewer than 120 distinct languages. 120!!! At one point I was asked if England was full of this same variation of tongues...I went on to explain the difference between Liverpudlian & Dudley, Queen's Speech & Folkestone m8, Cockney slang, etc...It didn't quite get the laughs I was hoping for!

We were met at the airport by Pastor Warlito - the happiest man you could ever meet. The most lightehearted, hilarious man yet to be let loose on the world. After 24 hours of no sleep he certainly kept me awake as we drove to the church we'd be staying in.
The whole conversation consisted of how incredible this city of Iloilo was.
Born and bred, he was proud of this little island.
"We got no terrorists here" he explained to us "not since they moved the airport out the city."

He went on to reassure us, "Nobody get bored on tis old island. We got rubber, bamboo and batchoy and dat's enough to keep anyone happy."
Listen up you British Youths!!
Speaking of batchoy. This was to be our first stop. A little café situated in the middle of nowhere selling 'the best batchoy EVER'. Seeing as I'd never tasted this stuff, I had no comparative standards, but after one spoonful I was sold. Google it. It's good stuff!!

The seminar wasn't to start until the Monday, so we had to make the most of this free Saturday to explore the wonders of this island. No time to rest...we hopped on a Filipino passenger pump boat heading at top speed for Guimaras island, 20 minutes from the shores of Iloilo.
12 pesos (17 and a half pence) didn't seem like a bad price ;)

On arrival we picked up some food and one of the guys from the church in Iloilo explained to us that he was going to give us a tour of the island. We picked up a tricycle (a motorbike with a side-car attached) from the side of the road which became our mode of transportation throughout our day trip and all 5 of us squashed in even though it was probably designed for 3 people maximum! I stood on the back of the side car, pretty much holding on for dear life as we sped up and down ditches and driving straight through dusty, sandy roads.

We passed simple-style province homes. It seemed strange to imagine people living permanently on a beautiful island like this. This was their home. I wasn't at all jealous ;)

We firstly went to the rubber house. Pretty much every piece of furniture and utensil was made out of rubber (pastor was right)

Then moved through the mountains, dusty roads, fields at the beach.

Imagine palm trees, white sand, clear waters. Could give the Bahamas a run for its money.
Yeah, all this, but they forgot to mention the spiky sea urchins. Smiles all round and suddenly I took one step and 8 needles penetrated my left foot.

A couple of the local Filipinos saw me in pain and came to the rescue with some menacing looking tweezers to cut the needles out.

With much effort they refused to free themselves. Only one solution - urine

I've never peed on my foot. Never had any desire to do so, but apparently it's the only way.
2 needles came free as a result, but 6 of them are now firmly embedded into my foot.

Thanks Iloilo, you won't be forgotten. No need of any Gap Yaah tatoos for remembrance.

After the beach we moved up to the home of a family who live on the island.

Talk about a simple life.

We ate rice, mangoes and ube. There was something else but I refused to listen to their explanations. Yuck!

Hiked up a mountain as you do, visited some of the locals, got the boat back and slept.
So tired.

Sunday at Carey reformed baptist church - sleep

Pastor who went home and his. House was burnt down while tending to sons needs in hospital (Genghi fever)

Silly Tower of Babel ruins languages

Exam

8 hours of Lectures

Take a gamble -Carl Muller (I do a good impression) he's Canadian so it's ok ;)
Fish and rice all day every day

Iloilo city