Go Go dancers, poles and ping pongs. What more is there to Phuket? Well. A little bit more, but not much. Let's start off with the journey. We left our hotel at 6.30am. We were supposed to arrive in Phuket at 3.30pm. Did we? Hell no!! We get there at 9pm. At least we were lucky enough to get a seat on the coach. Some poor souls had to stand in the aisle. We eventually arrive in Phuket Town and manage to find ourselves a hotel for the night. We haven't eaten all day and are starving! Luckily we find a KFC (our first fast-food outing) and it was bloody delicious. Next day we head out to Patong beach area. I stayed at the hotel watching the food channel, whilst Sarah went to the airport to pick up Lana. In the evening we headed out to the local food market, where we sampled some yummy, yet cheap, delights. We head to the beach for what was quite possibly the worst beach party ever, but Lana enjoyed her first bucket (of many).

Next day, we head out to the beach, where we meet the friendly Sati, one of the beach workers, who took a shine to Lana and her yellow Mercedes. It turns out, Lana cannot apply sunscreen, and by the end of the day had earned herself the nicknames of Lobster, Burn-ie and MJ (ask Sarah to explain). In the evening we head out to Bangla Road, the strip with all nightlife, and spend most of the night dodging men asking if we want to see a ping pong show. One thing about Phuket is that it is full of old western men trying to pick up young Thai women, and this is evident when we head to a club called FBI. Awful. But they did throw wads of 20baht notes into the crowd, so not all bad!

Next night we head out to see a show called Fantasea, set inside a Thai theme park. This place has to be seen to be believed. It's so over the top, gaudy and surreal. The main event is the show they put on about something we can't quite remember. It included a magic elephant. It was an interesting evening, maybe a little bit s*%t.

As poor Lana was nursing her sunburn we venture back out into Bangla Road and found it's only saving grace 'Rock City'. 10 minutes left of the cocktail happy hour we filled our table with every coloured drink imaginable. Women dressed as nurses where handing out bright red syringe shots - tasty but knocked your socks off. The band on stage belted out classic rock and Indie tunes which we sang to until the wee hours. Whoops! I think it's gonna hurt in the morning for our 7am boat journey to Koh Phi Phi.