Remember the 1980s video game "Frogger?" I felt exactly like that frog trying to cross Silon Road tonight. It took us exactly four months, but we have finally received the dose of culture shock we set out to find on this trip. I love the chaos that Southeast Asia offers up. And no city that I've experienced does it better than Bangkok.

Our flight from Auckland took us over eastern Australia, Indonesia, Singapore, Vietnam and Cambodia, all of which we could watch float by under the wings of our plane. We landed in Bangkok just after dark and passed through customs like a breeze. The last time Deb and I were in this airport, Mira was a peanut - about three weeks in the oven. Almost eleven years later, we are seeing this amazing place again for the the first time through her and Shannon's wide eyes. Traveling with kids this age has some advantages. Asians and Kiwis are simply crazy about kids and will bend over backwards to make travel easy and fun for them (and thus less torturous for us).

After arriving at our apartment in Bangkok's financial district at 5:00 am Auckland time, we hit the sack and slept the sleep of the dead. Of course we were up again at 5:00 am Thailand time and ventured out the door at 7:00 in search of breakfast. The streets were actually relatively calm at this hour on a saturday which helped us get our bearings. We had our first taste of street food around the corner and were duly impressed with the spice and taste. Except for Shannon who was duly unimpressed with the spice and the fact that we really didn't know what we were eating! After a coffee and some fresh mango smoothies at StarBucks (it was the only place open!) we decided to head back to the apartment to freshen up. While looking at a map a lovely gentlemen approached us and asked if we needed help. Turns out he is a dentist in the neighbourhood who practiced in Ottawa for a while. He took out his pen and mapped out a great half day itinerary for us and even negotiated a local fare for our first Tuk Tuk ride.

The Tuk Tuk ride may have been the highlight of the day for the girls. We zoomed in and out of traffic like we were on fire, passing other, less intrepid tourists in the back seat of air conditioned cabs. The driver deposited us on the bank of the famed Chao Phraya River where we hired a long tailed boat for a cruise over to the floating market. The long tails in the name of these craft have nothing to do with the shape or length of the stern. They refer to their means of propulsion which consists of an angry looking propellor attached to a ten foot exposed shaft, which in turn connects to diesel truck engine that looks like it could gave cone from Alex Debegorski's front yard. Needless to say we had a blast cruising up river in such a contraption, passing by ancient temples and modern buildings that dot both shorelines.

The floating market is a window into Bangkok's watery past. It reminds me of what Venice must have been like hundreds of years ago. Lovely houses and shanties line the canal banks that jut out from the main river. We passed old men in their flat canoes selling everything from coca cola to fresh pork. The market itself was fantastic and we gorged ourselves on chicken satay and spicy salad rolls (or # 2 as Mira called them). Such flavourful food at pennies a serving. Bangkok is nothing if not affordable! Shannon was over the moon feeding bread crumbs to the voracious carp that are bred in pens along side the canal. We walked wide eyed past every strange and wonderful kind of food known and unknown to man, wishing we had the time and the guts to try it all.

After being dropped off at the Grand Palace, we fell prey to the most elaborate and fascinating hoax. We were getting ready to enter the palace to see the Emerald Buddah when a 'security guard," hat and all, stopped and and advised that we not visit the temple until the afternoon. Yesterday was the King's birthday, he explained, and as the palace was closed it is full of tourists today, mostly "chinese," he continued, pulling his eyes back to make his point more dramatically. He suggested we come back in the afternoon when the hordes had died down. In the meantime he gave us a map with three nearby sites to visit for the intervening two hours. God bless his heart, he even haled us a Tuk Tuk - one of the honest ones with a yellow plate, he explained. We were none the wiser until our second stop when the driver excused himself to visit the men's room. While we were waiting for his return, a friendly fellow with impeccable english strikes up a conversation. Tuns out he is a Thai born, US educated lawyer who practices tax law with a big firm in Manhattan. "Where is the driver taking you?" he eventually asks casually. When we show him something marked on the map called the fashion district he inquires whether we had seen the story on the news the night before about how the government has just opened up this area to foreigners. "You can get an Armani suit there for $300," he marveled. "I ordered three yesterday." OK, now this was getting fishy. First, this guy was a bit vague on where exactly he lived in Manhattan. Secondly, the place the Tuk Tuk driver dropped us was nothing more than a men's suit shop. Turns out the driver and his partners in swindle all get a cut if they deliver a paying customer. Needless to say, we are NOT in the market for work clothes. I'm not even carrying enough pairs of underwear to get me through a week in polite company! After a final unsuccessful visit to a jewel outlet, he mercifully delivered us back to the palace, now free of Chinese and any similar marauders. The whole thing cost us 50Baht ($1.50) and was actually quite fun and hilarious.

We visited the Standing, Sleeping, Big and Green Buddahs, and were back in our air conditioned apartment by 2:00 pm. What a day! And it was just starting. The girls and I literally chilled in the room while Deb slipped out for a massage. The look on her face when she returned made me pull on my shoes and run out the door and down the street for a turn myself.

Mother of Pearl! My last Thai massage was just about 11 years ago while waiting for a flight to Beijing. As mentioned, Deb was newly pregnant so we decided to unwind before our flight with a "couples massage" (not nearly as exciting as it sounds!) We told the receptionist about Deb's "condition" who relayed the message to the two tiny, 80 year old ladies whose care we were to be in for the next 90 minutes. Deb seemed to be enjoying a relaxing time until she looked over to see why I was giggling. Honest to God, this little old grandma, who could not have weighed more than her age, was lying on her back with me balanced precariously on her knees, bouncing me up and down.

I shared this tale with Rod Stirling when I retuned to Yellowknife who, in true Roddy fashion, retorted with his own Thai massage story - only ten times more hilarious. I'll leave it to Roddy to tell his own story, but half way through my session with a marginally younger lady tonight, it came back to me and I began to laugh uncontrollably into the towel I was face down into. The therapist took it in stride and continued to work some longstanding kinks our of my neck, back and shoulders. I feel like a million bucks tonight, but must remember not to think about Roddy when in similarly compromising situations in the future!

Shannon was done by the time my session was over so Mira and I headed out to a great Mexican joint and strolled around the massive Night Market checking out the oddities and knock offs. "How can you be sure it's not a real Mont Blanc Daddy?" I was happy to keep the conversation there as opposed to having to explain the prostitutes, sex shows and novelties for sale in the infamous Patpong section of the market. Bangkok certainly has it's dark side too.

It's amazing how much you can get done when you start your day at 5:00 am. We'll try and sleep in as late as we can and see what one more night in Bangkok brings us. Again, don't get me wrong . . . we loved New Zealand and would return in a heartbeat. But setting foot in a new and strange land where white people are the minority, english not a given and the King's name is on every street corner yet still un-pronouncable is damn exciting. This is an excellent segway to Vietnam - our next big destination.

Anyway, gold star for Mom and Dad for getting all the frogs home safe and sound and not leaving any squished on the crazy streets of this crazy city. Going for a new high score tomorrow!